Well I am still in limbo. Not really sure of what is going to take place in the next few weeks. My husband first told me to give him till the end of the month then he is moving. The other day I asked him if he has made any plans for the end of the month. He said no. Then said well I am thinking I should save up some money first. Of course he knows right now that we do not have any extra money to save. He seems to be making excuses. What really ticks me off though is he will not stop contacting the OW while he is still here.

Saturday I went to breakfast with my SIL and took the kids. He did not want to come kept saying he had to study some new things for his job. I called when we got to the resturant to see if he wanted me to bring something back but he was already on the phone with her. And talked the entire hour and half. Sunday I mainly lounged around while he studied. My three year old has a high fever so I let him stay with his dad while I picked up my stepson at his aunts house. I called to check on him and my husband was again on the phone with her. I told him it's getting to the point where I feel resentment and feel maybe it's best if he does go. He says well I am causing resentment in him also. And that I am annoying and make marriage difficult. I have been nothing but giving and loving to him even after all of this. He has created this environment and wants to blame everything on me.

He told me last night he might ask his sister if he can live with her for a few weeks. I told him to do whatever. But if he moves to let me alone. That I don't want to talk, email or see him. He said fine with me. It really hurts that someone was so in love with you at one point and now they could careless about you. It seems like he hates me. I just don't see any hope.

When we go to sleep he turns away from me. When I touch him he flenches. There is no kissing or SF. He pretty much ignores me. So I am at a point where it's like whatever. He can be like that but one day I know he will regret what he is doing. And then it will be to late. I am really just trying to move on each day and trying to not focus on him and her so much. But I admit it is very hard. This is the only place I can vent and freely talk about everything.

This week I am going to take my kids to the fair and also see the movie Shark Tale on Friday. I think they will enjoy that. Also my mom might go with me next week to take them for a day trip to Ocean City. I just want them to be happy and right now they are sad right along with me.

My pregnancy is going along good. I feel stretched to proportion. I have only gained about 7 pounds but it's all belly. I put a bouncy seat together last night with my three year old he is so excited about the baby coming. I can tell he is going to be a great big brother. I think I may be leaning towards the name Morgan Grace. My husband doesn't like Morgan that much but who cares. He says he might not come around them anyway.

Just keep me in your prayers. I need lots of them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

SML

So sorry you are going through this I just can't imagine the situation you are in. I was pregnant too when FWH had his A, but I did not find out until our baby was 2mnth old and the A was already over.

It still hurt and I may never trust him again but at least he is out of his fog and feels real stupid about A.

Your #1 priority is those kids and yourself. It should be his too, but you can't rationalize with an insane person.

Hang in there.

Almost the entire three years we have been married my husband would tell me. You and the kids are the most important thing. I often wonder what happened to the man that said that. How did we get so low on his list of priorities and her on the top. What can a single 20 year old college student offer a married man of 3 kids other than a fantasy life.

My focus is on them and I am trying my best to remove myself from his chaos.

I had a dream last night that was so real. I saw my WH with her. They were naked and kissing in my house. They acted like they were doing nothing wrong and that I had no right to ask them to stop or get in their face.

I told my husband about the dream. I know he saw I was very bothered and sad. He just laughed and said well I would never bring her here. My problem is now I can't get the images of them out of my head. I wrote him this very sweet email this morning and at the end I basically asked him to really think about things and decide if he wants to give our marriage a true chance without her involved in any way.

I am sure I already know his foggy answer but I felt I had to do it. I am not feeling so well today. I think I am catching my three year olds sickness. Soar throat and such. Of course I would rather be sick then him. I hope he starts to feel better soon it hurts so much to see him in pain and not being able to make it better.

Today my goal is to not think about the whole situation. Just focus on my pregnancy, kids, my job and myself. I am starting to feel my husband is enjoying the attention he is getting from all of this. Even though he says he hates the situation. He doesn't want to give her up and he makes excuses as to why he can't leave me just yet. So he can have her. I just want my life back. With or without him.

Dear Mary.
Everytime I read your posts I feel so very sad...Here you are expecting your third child and your H is acting like such a jerk!

It seems I read so many times that H have affairs when their wives are pregnant...What is it anyway? I am sure there are articles of the 'why'.

My daughter's H was killed this summer in a car accident, leaving her with three small children...ages 2 months to 5 years....But he left this world HAPPY, loving his wife and children with his entire being; they meant everything to him and them loving him the same.

I think it is HARDER what you are going through than what my daughter is going through...At least with her H, it was an accident that took him away from the family, not a CHOICE!

I think my only suggestion would be to try to have your home as neat as can be and as less chaotic as possible when he comes home....The OW has a quiet and peaceful place for him to go to.

I realize the above paragraph is a little unreasonable because it is hard to avoid clutter with children...A fun site to go to is www.flylady.net as it teaches how to de-clutter by doing just 20 minutes extra each day.
(Oh, and try to have yourself as attractive as can be when you see H, with a pleasant voice and conversations...Being big and pregnant is BEAUTIFUL and don't forget it!)

Sincerely, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
P.S. Maybe your home is as neat as a pin; I was doing some assuming there, remembering how my home was when 4 children were running around; plus I sometimes just wore sweats and didn't fix up like I do now that I am older. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SML,
i feel a small kinship w/you based on the OW situation and my OW was barely 20 when my H met her and started the R. So i've kind of kept up w/your story but i don't remember hearing whether or not you ever contacted the OW's parents.

i know what we do here is a lot of just writing what's going on in our lives but of course when we post we are bound to get suggestions on how to handle the situations. so please take what i am saying w/a grain of salt. you are the only one that can make the decisions for your situation because you are in your shoes not us and you are the one that has to ultimately live w/whatever decision you make. also the fact that you have children and even have one on the way really makes a difference between you and I. with all that being said i just wanted to say that i am truly sorry for what you are continuing to go through and you are having to react in ways that are based on the choices being made by someone who you do not have control.

however, i find it totally disgusting and dispicable that your H is so clearly having his A in front of your face. i'm sure you feel the same way. so if you are teetering on the idea of whether or not to ask him to leave, especially when it is inevitable then do it now. of course like i said i'm probably making a lot of assumptions but don't let the fact he has to save money or any other lame excuse guide you in your decisions. he needs to leave the home NOW.

again, i don't have a lot to offer other than a shoulder and just some suggestions but know that people are praying for you and you continue to seek God's wisdom in all this and he WILL show you. i do have one request though. it really helps to have a signature line that contains ages, length of M, kids, dday, etc. and would ask that you update your profile to reflect those things. it really helps in giving a perspective to those who post to you and saves you from having to retype things you've already posted before and i know you don't have a lot of time given your kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> really, any time i read a post by someone i'm not familiar w/the signature line is the first thing i look at. now if you don't feel comfortable w/that i can understand but i don't think that's your situation if you feel comfortable enough to post a name your thinking about for your daughter. BTW I really like the name Morgan.

continued prayers to you and stay the course, RR

SML,

I'm right there with RR. I LOVE the name Morgan. I think it is beautiful and you should name your daughter any way that you wish. YOU are carrying her and YOU are going to give birth to her. So far, your WH has not shown any interest at all in this child or your pregnancy, so I would suggest that you do whatever you'd like and go ahead and name her Morgan Grace. It really is beautiful. Who cares what he thinks?

I also have to agree with RR and I find your WH's behaviour despicable. Everytime, I read one of your posts, you say that you are going to start to focus more on yourself and not worry so much about him and her, but you can't and the reason for that is him still being around. He needs to leave your home now. I don't care if he has any money or not. I'm very concerned about you, SML. I think the two of you living together under the same roof is not going to help at this time at all and it is not going to break off the A.

Have you exposed to OW's Dad yet? I think that you should, then write a Plan B letter and send your WH on his merry way. Chances are that this A will not last; it is very unlikely. But you have the best chance at recovery if you let him go.

He knows that he is hurting you and the more you tell him about those dreams that you are having, the more resentful he is going to get. Don't say anything to him anymore. Be pleasant, polite and strong. I know it is hard, but your WH seems to get some kind of rise out of cutting you down and making you feel like sh*t.

I really feel for you.

Kati

Hi,

I just sent you an e-mail. Sorry for the delay.

As for the OW, she doesn't hold a candle to you. IMHO, the OW is still in diapers. You on the other hand are a graceful woman, wife and mother.

Somehow an OW in dirty diapers isn't quite as appealing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

If the WS wants to play with diapers, I suggest you let him watch the children more. He certainly know how to make children, high time he learn how to do the real job. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Morgan Grace, is a beautiful name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I totally agree with all of you. Yes he does need to leave if he wants to continue having this affair right infront of my face. And he tells me this almost daily. That he does not want to be with me anymore and that he will be leaving. I guess in his mind this makes it ok to continue calling OW and doing what he is doing.

I guess I am the one who is being weak. I guess it's a hard step to make for me. Especially that the baby is due in 2 months. Plus some other factors like I don't have a full time job and stuff. I know I am making excuses but I feel like each day I am getting stronger and I will eventually ask him to leave and stick to my guns. I have been trying to do plan A for the last few days the best I can. It is so hard though when he calls her and pretty much don't care how it effects me.

I have exposed the affair to everyone in my family and his. But I have not called the OW's father yet. The day he leaves I plan to do that. I have this feeling it won't matter anyway.

Kati,
I agree about he gets something out of hurting me. When we were talking one night and I was upset I asked him why he enjoyed hurting me. He got upset and said I am crazy that he still cares for me and wants to see me achieve in life. That he just doesn't want to be with me anymore. It hurts but I think I am in a stage where I am numb. I don't feel happy and I don't feel sad. Not sure if this is normal or not but that is where I am right now.



Thanks for the comments about the name Morgan. It just popped in my head one day driving home from work. And I though I really like that name. So I am leaning towards that. My three year old likes Emma.

SML,

Anytime you want me to come over the Potomac to kick his behind, please let me know ASAP and I will be on my way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I understand that it is really difficult for you to just stand by and let him do his thing. It's always easier said that done. I agree, especially if you still love this man so much.

Orchid is right. Your WH needs to grow up and learn how to be a man and live up to his responsibilities. When you have sex and create children, you become a father and it is his responsibility to take care of ALL of his children and not dump them all on you, including your stepson.

He is really starting to get me upset. Especially the talk about probably not being around his kids much anyway. Therefore, he does not care what name his new daughter is going to have.

I would love to have a baby and I would give about anything to have a child. He doesn't even know how lucky he is to have a beautiful loving wife and three healthy beautiful children. There are some of us out here, you cannot even dream of this...

You are gem, SML, don't ever forget that.

Kati

Kati,
It just shows me how deep he is into this EA. He said he will do or give anything to me if we divorce. Of course his words mean nothing right now. He even said he would sign the rights to his kids over to me. If that would make it easier. I actually believe if he is going to leave and continue with the OW they probably would be better off without him. I do not want them around her.

The man I married never would have allowed anyone to come between him and his kids. He valued me and treasured me. I know the man he is right now is not the man I married. And sometimes I think that is why I hold on. I am in love with the man he was and the man I know he can be. Not this new person. And I keep hoping the man I married will show back up one day soon.

I know I am lucky to have such wonderful children. I consider them a blessing from God. Even if they were unexpected or at a bad time. They are the joy of my life. And he is the one who is setup to lose everything and miss out on so much. I couldn't even imagine not seeing my son everyday. And not being around to raise my new baby. He on the other hand I think wants that. I feel like he is shoving everything on me and trying to make me feel ok with it by saying he will give me as much money as he possibly can. Like I married him for money. I just want our kids to be raised in a family not a broken home. But I cannot force him to stay and I cannot make him want to try. He has to realize things and decide himself. And right now he is still thinking about the fantasy life of being single again and being free to date and do whatever he wants.

I am trying to be pleasant, kind and understanding. I think he can see that I am changing. He also tries to do things to make me angry or upset on purpose so that I will eventually just leave. Guess that is the cowards way of trying to end it. He even told our MC he does this so I will leave or kick him out.

I hope you are doing better today. It breaks me heart to read your posts knowing that your WH is being so cruel and carrying on right in front of you. Only you know what you can handle doing right now. You will know when it is time for you to kick him out and expose to OW's father. These will be big steps not to be taken lightly, but if things continue as they are I really don't see any other choice.

Also, I just had to tell you I LOVE the name Morgan. It would have been one of my first choices but my SIL used that as a middle name for one of her kids since that is her maiden name. I wanted a name not already used in the family (very difficult with my WH's huge family!) for my baby. Although Emma is beatiful too!

SML,
thanks for updating your profile it really gave me a perspective for your situation. i didn't know there was a stepson involved either. anyway, what you said about being in love w/the man that your H was really hit home w/me. that's exactly how i feel. my H is definitely not the person i M because the person I M would not have cheated on me and been so selfish. I mean this man was absolutely scared to death that I was going to cheat on him before we were married. we were separated for 6 months before we got married. he went to korea for a year and at the 6 month mark he came back to the states and we got married. he kept begging me to wait for him, etc. of course there was no need for that fear but obviously that person doesn't exist right now. hence why the alien abduction theory is so applicable.

he has said he is the same person deep down and i just disagree. i don't even think i can say the same thing about myself though so i haven't really gone into any deep conversation about it. because the person he married wouldn't have treated him the way I did (not meeting his needs) even though i was faithful, i changed a lot during a marriage too. i think i'm even better now, still have some weight to lose.

anyway, continued prayers to you, kick him out, and stay the course, RR

Kloe,
How are things going? Is the baby getting more active? Mine is so active at night. Around midnight especially. Hope that is not a sign that it's gonna be up like that when she is born. Did you ever go to the Frederick fair? It's here this week I think I am going to take the kids. It will be our first time there.

RR,
I think it is coming very close to my WH leaving. Yesterday he asked my SIL if he could live with her for awhile. She told him if it helped him with his marriage to give him time to think then fine. She said if he comes there she would like him to do NC to give him time to think. But I know he won't listen. He said if she doesn't let him stay then he is going to go to North Carolina to live with his parents. He will take a huge salary decrease. And I don't think I will be able to afford to live here anymore plus pay all of our bills. He is really not thinking clearly.

We were suppose to go to MC tomorrow. He just wants to go to dicuss with her that he doesn't want to be married anymore. Also wants her to work with us on a plan for him to leave. I think I am just going to cancel. Why waste our money if he isn't going to get help or advice on working on the marriage.

The last 2 nights he hasn't gone out to talk to OW like he has been. As far as I know he has talked to her very little this week. Which is good. This morning was nice. He even sent a email which he hasn't done in awhile. But I have learned not to get to much hope up. Because he sure changes from sweet and loving to cruel and disrespectful very quickly.

I am not sure what I will do if he actually leaves. I can't believe he is planning to do this when I am close to my due date, holidays are coming and he knows my three year old will be so hurt. He also told his sister that she doesn't know how he feels inside right now. I guess I just don't understand. I have been so loving, sweet, caring and understanding all these years. Yes I could have done some things differently but nothing that would make me terrible to live with or someone to leave me over. I just don't think he wants to let the OW out of his life. So his only option in his head is to leave me. Which is so sad. He says it's not about her. That he just doesn't want to be married anymore and cannot see himself ever happy in our marriage again. I think this is a bunch of BS that he is just saying these things to make what he is doing seem ok.

I have done really good with plan A this week though. If he does leave I do want him to go with a good impression of me. And I truly hope if he goes he realizes what he has given up. But I know I will make it with or without him.

My husband called on his cell to say he was on the way home. We were talking about stuff and I brought up the fact that he asked his sister about living there. He said well I told you to give me till the end of the month. He seems serious about it this time.

He said that he hates that people make marriage something you are stuck or trapped into. I said I think of it as a committment that if your not happy you find new ways to make yourself happy and also your spouse. He said whatever. That he doesn't want to try. That he knows he cannot be happy. I told him I cannot believe he wants to leave so close to the due date, holidays and such. He said well what do you want me to do.. Wait till after. I said no I would like you to try in our marriage.

He feels he has tried. Even though most of our marriage he has talked with her. A year and a half after we were married they saw each other for the first time. Also he was addicted to online games that he played till all hours of the night. He has never really given us a try chance. But he cannot see that. I told him I think that he realizes he does not want to give up her so the only option for him is to leave. He insists it's not about being with someone. It is about him being happy again with his single life. He then said goodbye. Didn't want to talk anymore.

I guess there is nothing left for me to do. I have done it all said it all. Now I just have to wait to see if he will actually leave or stay. I know I will miss him so much. It breaks my heart but what can I do?

I am sitting here so sad. I feel undesirable, worthless and feel like a big failure.

It seems like my husband is really serious about leaving at the end of the month. I am so scared. I don't want to be alone, have and raise this baby by myself, be a single mother, see my three year old get his heart broke, lose my best friend and lover and the only man I have ever really loved, start over and live in our house alone. I know I need to be strong but it's so hard right now thinking about everything.

He seems to not even care about anything right now. He does not care about pulling his 9 year old son out of 4th grade and putting him in a new school, taking his son away from his home he is use to for the last 3 years, breaking our three year olds heart. Our three year old cried the other night asked his dad not to leave and not to pack his bags. He doesn't seem to care about the promises he has made me or how I will deal with everything, he doesn't seem to care about the new baby coming and not being able to be there when she is born or growing up.

All he cares about right now is his happiness, his wants, desires, his selfish reasons and his choice to be single again.

I know I need to be strong for my kids, myself and the new baby on the way. I guess I am just venting tonight. I really don't think there is anything more I can do. He already knows I am changing and am willing to work on things. That I still love him and want him in my life.

I have not been a bad wife. All these years I have done nothing but love and support him. When I met him it was about 2 years after his exwife cheated on him and left him and their son to be with the OM. He says I helped him realize he could love again. I helped him get his bad credit back to a good status. Helped him with his son. I know there are areas I could have been a better wife. But I have done nothing that deserves any of this. Am I that unloveable? Sometimes I think that now that he is back on his feet again. Is happy, credit good, has things and feels he can survive on his own he doesn't need me anymore.

What can this OW really offer him other than a fantasy? What 20 year old wants a man that will be divorced 2 times if he leaves me has 3 children from a previous marriage and is about 8 years older than her. I just don't get it. Yeah he says it's not about her. Then why doesn't he stop calling her and give his marriage a true chance?

Sorry for the long vent. Don't have anyone to really talk to and just needed to get this off my chest. I just don't see any hope for us at this point.