Two years ago after discovering an emotional/sexual affair my now ex-wife had we attempted to work through it using many of the resources on this Website and the books that were recommended. She would not participate in the recovery process and subsequently we divorced, as I've never believed in one-sided recoveries. We have become good friends over the past two years and at times have our ups and downs because we still love each other. Since our divorce she has maintained contact with the OM and on occasion will spend time with him. I believe it's her choice in life and she can do what she wants. But am I wrong to feel like she is "twisting the old knife" by continuing to have this relationship with him while knowing how I feel about him and the role he played in the end of our marriage?

I know I could be way off base here and wanted to turn to a source that helped my through so much two years ago. Can you help again?

Are you dating?

Pep

Hello,

I understand your discomfort but the fact is she divorced you after cheating on you with this guy and she now wishes to be with him at various times. It is your choice as to whether you wish to remain friends with her or not. It seems to me she has a right to do anything she pleases. She picked this guy over your marriage and recovery.
If you do not have children I do not see why you would wish to subject yourself to this additional pain and humiliation. She is free to do what she wishes and you are free to suffer what you will. The point is that you are making a choice to suffer. I suggest you try to spend time with somebody new and move on because she has. Am I missing something?

No I don't think you're missing too much. I know it is my choice to feel the way I do...I'm just not sure why I continue to feel this way.

Both of us have dated many times since our divorce and have "moved on" from each other for the most part. I know how I feel is not moving on, it's staying behind. Perhaps a little more time and tide will wash it away?

Our children live with me full time since the divorce.

At least you got the best part of the deal.

The kids know who tried when it all counted.

Feel your feelings man, can't eat 'em all.

You may feel like [censored] over it, but the kids know dad's a hero.

NCWalker

Yeah, you're sure as hell right NC! Thanks for the reminder about the most important thing here!

It sounds like you are allowing your wife to toy with your heart even after the D. She still likes stringing you along, manipulating you, and you are letting yourself fall victim to it.

Unless you are in the process of reconciliation i see no reason to subject yourself to her beyond exchanging the kids. If reconciliation is what you both want then she would have to agree to NC with the OM and all other OM.

If that isn't he case, stop causing yourself pain, move on and find happiness without her.

<small>[ September 20, 2004, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>