OK - H had his only A after 8 years with OW, and wanted to leave then to be with her. Chose to stay, we seemed to be much better, but H never could renounce the OW. She got married - A resumed after 4 years when both couples joined the same new health club in our neighboorhood and he wanted to run off with her after 2 weeks. Tells me he wants to leave regardless of what happens with her. Currently actively pursuing her, hoping she will leave her H to be with him. Divorce is planned.

We do not have an unhappy marriage, actually get along great, good sex, 2 great kids etc. But H is adament that he doesn't want to be married to me. Other woman a better match because she is closer to his age, his soul mate.

I think this has signs of an exit affair, but also, H is totally mesmerized and infatuated by OW. I don't want to fight a losing battle, but too much at stake to give up. Will probably tell the OW's H as a last ditch attempt to end the A and stop him from leaving, but her H could just throw her out and hasten their getting together.

I have posted what seems like a thousand times, and I am still so desparate to save this marriage and the disasterous results it will have on all of us, especially the kids who may suspect, but will still be blind sided by a separation, since they saw this happen 4 years ago, but we turned it around.

H still affectionate and friendly, except when OW pulls him to meet with her. I believe no one else could make him as happy as I can, but I also believe right now he loves and wants OW more, enough to leave his wife and kids, his home, shame his extended family, shock his friends and neighboors and work colleagues, cripple himself financially. Crazy goal for an intelligent, successsful, and rational (in all other ways) man.

Sometimes I am resigned that he just wants out, period, and OW is the catalyst. Sometimes I am resigned that he just loves/wants OW more, such is life. Right now I am desperate to save the marriage and most importantly, protect my kids from the pain and upheaval of his leaving. No one can "get" to my H, as he refuses to acknowledge that OW is his goal, or even in the picture. This includes his family, and the two counselors we have seen.

Most of you have heard this tale ad-infinitum, but I am still hoping, hoping, hoping for a miracle to turn this around. If this is truly and exit affair, I wonder if this is even possible. So troubled today.

Hi Everhopeful,

It may be an exit A and it may not be.

While reading yours posts, I actually thought it was just the old A getting fired up again since they had seen each other. A partners should never see or speak with other again because it's likely all old feelings will surface again. Since your H wanted to leave and move in with OW almost immediately after seeing her, I took it as the old feelings coming to the surface again.

I wouldn't worry at this time about what kind of A it is. I would just expose the A to OW's H and start from there. He deserves to be told. Exposing can help end the A. I wouldn't believe for a minute what your H and OW say...like her H already knows.

Start with exposure and work the plan from there.

Just my $ .02.

Take care.

sss