Hey guys. Yes, this is actual good news! Surprise! I just received a call out of the blue from my XW. I knew that it was something about our relationship because there is nothing else left to talk about. She dumped the guy and is getting an apartment with a married couple where we used to live. The only people in that group that opposed the adultery this whole time! She wants to start over with me and hang out together again and rebuild our relationship. SHe wants to go to church with me again and spend time rebuilding our R. They are signing a year lease so it allows us time to rebuild the safe way IMO. This way I am protected and can decide if it's what I really want also. She says that she can't imagine life without me and that this was all a mistake and she is so sorry. She says that she sees the jerk for who is is now and it was all a mistake. Hard to believe isn't it? All this torture of plan Aing her actually worked!

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 12:48 AM: Message edited by: juke1225 ]</small>

juke1225

I'm so happy for you. Take it slowly juke and have her (together with you) "read & work through" the books on this site. Do it in a Marriage Builders manner and I'm more than sure that you can have the "best" relationship ever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your post really got me smiling. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

take care
bb

Thank you so much. I really can't believe it! I mean I aways thought it would happen, but was having my doubts there for a while.

Juke,

Great news!Take it very slow. Make her do the work and put in the time and effort that it takes to get someone of your quality. Remember, value yourself, don't give away the bank for some early pocket change!

Very happy for you!

juke,

Some things are really hard to believe.........I really wish you all the best and I'd stick with the Marriage Builders way of relationship.

That was the absolute "Life Saver" for our marriage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It makes so much sence and it really does work.

Again, I am so happy for you and I can feel the "weight" that has been lifted from your shoulders. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care
bb

Whoa! I hate to rain on your parade but a little sobering up is necessary here. Just because she dumped the OM and wrote to you all those sweet words you've been dying to hear, it doesn't negate the fact that BOTH of you have to earn your way back to the marriage and the way to do it is for the two of you to start applying the MB principles in The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage.. The initial part of marital recovery is often much more difficult than coping with the ongoing A.

It's ok to celebrate just as long as you don't get too intoxicated with her words and forget the difficult road that lies ahead of you two.

Juke its a great start ! Now you have something you can work with ! It MUST be baby steps thouh, friend. NO-ONE 180's like that overnight without remaining issues.

I would approach her lovingly, but carefully and not too enthusiastically to begin with(I know this will be as hard as my kids opening gifts on Xmas morning slowly!)

You have a God Given opportunity to advance your M here, it is not yet a certainty.

All blessings.

WOWWWWW...this is the best post for the day! Great news...i love happy ending... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wow, Juke. It's all happening in fast motion for you. Amazing, really something.

I'm sure you'll take it niiiiiice and slow. And I know you can be patient and handle the ups and downs.

It sure would be interesting if she came here.

I'm wicked awful glad for you, man. Hope to hear more good news...

GC

Thanks guys. I know it is going to be a difficult road ahead, but I think that we can do it. We are divorced so it is like a fresh start over with no ties. Exactly what I wanted. I am safe. I will take it slooow and use my head. Remember when I talked about how maybe the D is what she needed to start to get her head on straight? Well, she said she was crying at the hearing and that it was horrible. The thought of us never being together really bothered her. The reality of it. Another thing she said was that she wants to do something for me for once. Yes ME! As you all have heard me talk about how selfish she has been lately. For her to say that is truly amazing. She is actually making the effort to do what I have asked of her. The way I wanted it to be.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 01:33 AM: Message edited by: juke1225 ]</small>

Juke I'm so happy for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Its a shame it took so long, but better late than never. I hope it was her did the dumping and she is not just running back to her security blanket.

It's to early to see if this is the beginning of a recovery, false or otherwise but it certainly is nothing short of good news. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


Its 3:30am here, and I'm up because STBX woke me up to tell me I'll never get the kids, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> any furniture, or even a wooden table or a set of sheets.

So reading your new improved situation gives me alot of comfort. There is alot of healing ahead of you Juke, I know you are up to the work ahead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TJ

Thanks Tom- According to her she is the one dumping him and she has wanted to for a little while now. She is moving out of his place. She says that she sees what kind of person he is now etc. The biggest thing for me is that my XW has NEVER done a u-turn on any relationship in her life. It shows that I and our marriage mean a lot to her. She doesn't do the security blanket stuff. She has ALWAYS just moved on. It sounds like she has realized that it is not a good way to do things. Doing this may be a milestone in her life. Ending a cycle of bad choices in her family. She has been listening to me and my several letters etc this whole time. My plan A- ing seems to have stuck in her head, even if I couldn't always tell that it was working.

I am sorry that your situation sucks so bad lately. I only hope that your WW will come to her senses soon. My WW seemed dead and gone at times, but having hope and trying my best to treat my XW with respect despite her total disrespect of me has meant a lot to her. It made everything harder for her. SHe couldn't hate me. Even her friend who helped her move stuff out was impressed with me and said that I am welcome over anytime. The night I met her again I was plan A-ing my butt off. If my XW can go from talking about melting down her wedding ring and turning it into a cross to the way she is now, then anyone's wife can snap out of the nonsense with some help from their BSs.

Juke,

I am very happy for you, and for your ex wife, that she woke up before it was too late.

How exciting to have the chance to start over with dating. Remember it's a dance Juke. You have learned so much here and now you get the chance to use it. What so many on here dream of. This is a tribute to Plan A and I am glad others will have a chance to read this to help them in their struggle. I think Plan A would be so hard to do when you are hurting and angry, but you did it, and now this. WOW!

As Gray said your ex wife would be more than welcome to come here if she feels she could use the support to help her through what might be a hard road for her with guilt, remorse and all that.

Edited to add that this also shows that divorce papers are not always the end, they just might be the beginning of something new and wonderful.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 05:50 AM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Juke -

This is really good news. I'm very happy for you. So rest up, and breathe a sigh of relief.

The next thing that may happen to you is questioning whether you want her anymore. That has happened over and over on this board when there is a turnaround. So be prepared for those feelings.

You are in an excellent position because you have no loose ends, and can take your time on this.

Juke-

Wow! What great news!

I’m happy for you!

It’s also refreshing to read about something positive here!

Congratulations!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong> Whoa! I hate to rain on your parade but a little sobering up is necessary here. Just because she dumped the OM and wrote to you all those sweet words you've been dying to hear, it doesn't negate the fact that BOTH of you have to earn your way back to the marriage and the way to do it is for the two of you to start applying the MB principles in The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage.. The initial part of marital recovery is often much more difficult than coping with the ongoing A.

It's ok to celebrate just as long as you don't get too intoxicated with her words and forget the difficult road that lies ahead of you two. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES, I agree with Coffeman, but it's very encouraging considering she ended this on her OWN. This is BIG! The early stages of recovery are difficult, cumbersome, tedious, slow and rewarding! There are many ups it's those darn downs..that you prayed were behind you that sting so much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

JUKE, keep you expectations in check...step OFF the rollercoaster and take it one day at a time. I am happy for your good news...I wish the 2 of you a refreshing, new, romantic, exciting RECOVERY!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 07:37 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Juke - just a HUGE word of warning: She has yet to follow through with everything and suffer the withdrawl. It might go relatively easy if the A had died a natural death already - but it could also be really hard as she fights pulling in and out of the fog. It's a great sign that she's finally seeing the sunlight again - but it will take time. But for today, I'm really happy for you!!

{{{JUKE}}}

Just another example of "God works all things for our good"....Im happy for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Your a smart guy. Your "thinking" and not acting irrationally. Keep up the good work and definetly take her up on going to church with you again!!! Top Priority right now in my mind, along with some really good MC.

Blessings,
Atruheart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

just adding my 2 cents, and like was said above, I am happy for you today. but of course I have to sound like a broken record and say take it slow. no matter what stage you (a BS) are in (just found out, divorcing, recovery, etc.) it is a race but it's a marathon and not a race. you need to save your energy and stay the course in order to finish which is a fully recovery w/your XW. just keep thinking average recovery time is 2 years from the time the WS wants/agrees to start rebuidling the R.

now would probably be the ideal time to get on board w/steve harely. he would really help you naviagate this process and even talk to your W if you could get her on board (every recovery should include MC). I can't really say everything SH said to me applies to every situation but i'll relate what SH told me about beginning a recovery. since you never did do a plan B (as far as i can remember), you can't really be the one to tell your XW i want NC, MC, not moving into together until such and such time, STD checks, etc. let SH do that for you. get her sold on the idea of truly rebuilding the marriage based on MB prinicples and at some point you could say to her that there is a way to rebuild a M in which both people can be happy and in love but I want to do things right and don't want to lose ground and we should talk to someone who can help us with this....enter SH

you could also suggest a MB weekend down the road.
anyway, VERY VERY happy for you buddy and as also was said earlier. just because a D is finalized doesn't mean it's over, prayers to you, RR

Wow, juke, I am stunned!!! This is what so many of us dream of!

juke, I'm sure you already know this and others have said it too..take it slow!! While it's awesome that your wife sees you as a great place to be, people do not mature overnight. I think any wrong move on your part will send her fleeing so I would keep up with your Plan A for now and kind of avoid talking about stuff like "what went wrong". I think your wife feels an enormous burden of guilt and this will be hard for both of you to deal with. If relationship talks come up..just kinda see what the atmosphere is. You might want to go ahead and talk about it, but if you get weird vibes, you might want to say, 'yeah, i would really like to talk about this but need a little break from the serious stuff. How would you feel about discussing this on Thursday or Friday?" Meaning, put if off for a few days if you sense weird vibes.

Let's talk about friendship. What I have sensed about you and your wife is that you were really good friends before all the "crap" started. Not all marriages have that (and that's not a good thing or a bad thing), but I sense that's what your marriage was based on. Definitely re-cultivate this friendship. Be a safe haven for your wife. She's less likely to run from a friend, right? I do not think you should ignore romantic feelings or intimate ones, but I do think you need your best friend back too!

I am so happy for you and your wife. You will be good for her juke, and I think she will be good for you too. it just might take some time. Don't forget that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

woohooo!