JUKE! Man, your time came quicker than I think we all thought! Excellent news!

Please, for your sanity and mental safety, please take it slow. No need for anymore pain. (Although, I'm sure expect some still--it's quite a turnaround in a short amount of time.)

Please don't let these exuberant feelings you're feeling fog you out from the fact she's got alot of issues to handle and a lot of work you guys need to follow up on. I'm certainly not trying to put a damper on things; just want you to be realistic. (And I certainly don't want to read anymore painful posts from you, man. OK OK! I've learned already! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Looking forward to reading some "good" posts from you in the near future!

Yes this really is huge news for me. I will take it slow and be careful. Her not living here makes things way better IMO. Like a fresh start as friends, dating, etc. I am already planning on what I am going to avoid saying etc. Plan A type treatment is what I need to keep up. I have already told her how I feel about OM and how wrong what she did is. So, I do not need to dwell on those things and will not rub it in her face. From what I have read here, the BS can be damaging to recovery by holding a grudge. I have dealt with what happened and need to let go if this is going to work. But I will have boundaries for her and make sure she keeps up her end of the deal like she says. I knew what our relationship has been for the last 5 years wasn't just an illusion. This whole time I have wondered if she is thinking of me all the time like I am her and she says she has been. Just goes to show how u shouldn't take WS's wacky behavior too seriously.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 09:01 AM: Message edited by: juke1225 ]</small>

Oh, I forgot to mention that all of the letters, emails, and pictures I sent had an effect on her. They worked whether she responded or not. SO, I don't know if that is true for all, but it has been for her. She talked yesterday about a note that I recently left for her. I don't even remember what it said exactly, but she said that I was totally right about what I said. All the letters and pics forced her to think about the reality of what has been going on and how wrong it is etc.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 09:25 AM: Message edited by: juke1225 ]</small>

Juke,

Just wanted to send a congrats your way.

Not for getting your fWxW "back", as I'm sure that you certainly see the long, winding road ahead.

Congrats instead on believing most importantly in yourself, and although you've shown us every emotion possible regarding your WW, showing a fundamental belief in her as well.

I've noted before the similarities that you and I seem to possess, age-wise, personality wise. The ways that you've described your WW, almost feels like you know my WW personally.

To be honest, your story provides me a glimmer of hope that anything is indeed possible. It also has me re-thinking my own situation, and the way that I may handle things in the future.

Juke, I wish you (and your fWxW) all the best. I'll speak for the group and say that we support you 100%.

Best Wishes,
Ethan

Thanks Furniture man- I have noticed that too and I hope that your WW comes around in the same way. All I know is that a distant plan A worked well. I wasn't overwelming her with it, but when she contacted me I used it my best. Every now and then I sent her the emails too. But not too often. I also let her feel the distance between us. Maybe your WW would have a similar reaction? i am no expert, I just know that it has worked. As I said in a previous post, "The biggest thing for me is that my XW has NEVER done a u-turn on any relationship in her life." This is truly amazing. I am proud of her for taking this step for once in her life.

juke,

This is good news but.....words without deeds.....

I would be very skeptical about this (the whole too good to be true thing). I might be wrong but this just has a funk to it. Maybe because its too familiar to me. Sudden flip-flops like this are pretty common. I went through a bunch with my wife (big roller coaster fun).

This is all on her now.

I guess I pretty much said the same as the rest....be careful.

God Bless

Doug

Great News!!!!

Very Happy for you!

You've just got a lot of good advice and it sounds like you are focused. Stick to all your new found knowledge and know that you are nothing less than a Superman for what you have done.

C.

Juke,

Have you noticed why everyone is saying take it slooooooow. Well, let me rain on the parade for a moment. You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She says that she sees the jerk for who is is now and it was all a mistake.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In another words if he had NOT be a jerk, she would have walked out of the marriage without a thought or care. A lot of OM are NOT jerks, they are just short on respect for marriage. Your W is short on respect for marriage as well. So the "take your time" suggestion is really about giving her time to "grow up". She needs to big time.

I fear she thinks marriage is like going steady, you just give the ring back and head out with the latest infacuation (sp). It doesn't work that way as you know, but she doesn't know. It will take time and a lot of work on her part to see what she really did. And the warnings about withdrawal, fog, etc are right.

So do go sloooow, but don't just take time, make sure the time you take is being used to GROW and learn respect for the commitment that marriage really is.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hard to believe isn't it? All this torture of plan Aing her actually worked! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not hard to beleive at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That is why this site is here and that is why people have been advising as they have. It does work, not all of the time, but it does give you the best chance. Just make sure that she comes to realize that all of your plan A'ing was a sign of strength/love and not a fear on your part to move on and leave her.

Congratulations to you, NOW go prepare yourself for the really hard work: Recovery and rebuilding.

God Bless,

JL

PS: Now for the unsavory part of this. She needs to get tested for STD's and that should happen now.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

I think the in time she will have to understand how she allowed herself to choose to have an A and what she will need to do to not let it happen again. She will have to learn to live her commitment to you and your marriage and maintain the proper bounderies.

When you both get to the point of recommiting to getting married again I hope that she will have a clear idea of just what that commitment will mean and have the maturity to fulfill her vows as the covenant it should be.

This is just the beginning of your journey toward what I hope will be a successful recovery for you both. We know you've learned and grown a lot, as we all do, with this sort of adversity. I pray she will learn from her mistakes and grow to be the wife of your dreams.

Trix- i think that she is serious about trying to figure out and work on those things. When she called last night she didn't show any wishy washy behavior. ZERO. No weird comments or confusion etc, so I am hopeful. I think she knows what she needs to do. We will see. I know I will do well on my end of things to help the process with all I have learned.

All I can say is that I'm happy for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Juke...
That's great! I wish you the best of luck!