I've often wondered if my WW has gone through the same emotional grieving that I have for our marriage.

or has she avoided it or greatly reduced it by having her affair?

or has she just postponed all the emotional termoil until some time after her affair relationship ends then must face the loss of our marriage and her affair relationship.

Any experiance from both sides of the fence as I think we've all wondered this at some time.

bump

i see you got no response yet, i'll give you my answer, for what it is worth...

having an affair allowed me to avoid grief of a failed marriage for only short periods of time.

post affair - i have a ton, not over the ending of the affair but over the realization of what i did to myself and the marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> having an affair allowed me to avoid grief of a failed marriage for only short periods of time.

post affair - i have a ton, not over the ending of the affair but over the realization of what i did to myself and the marriage.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think this is pretty close to what my husband has expressed to me. We weren't in a good place as a couple and the affair was a way to avoid facing our problems. He told her everything about our relationship and she was more than happy to counsel him that he needed to leave (he didn't) and that she would see him through the demise of our marriage.

After the Affair, he has had a lot of guilt. He knows not only what his affair did to me but he knows what it did to himself. He let himself down, his beliefs, his morals. He says he pays for the affair every day and I am not the one making him pay, he is doing it to himself.