It seems that the contents could be a Plan A but it also has elements of Plan B. I don't know if the methodology can be incorporated into MB. It makes a lot of sense...

I was just wondering what any thoughts might be on his perspective on things.

Which one of you moved out?

If it was you, move back in today.

Many here incorporate Dobson's logic to varying degrees of success. It is not entirely consistent nor inconsistent with MB principles. One line of thinking is that it works really great with teenage children, but not with adults. Another line of thinking is that WSs have regressed to adolescents, so they're effectively teenagers again.

My personal opinion is that it has its place on a miroscopic level in dealing with infidelity. Roll it out on occasion when a BS has an opportunity to allow WS to experience the consequences of their decisions. Hence my recommendation to you to move back in (if you're the one who moved out) and "allow" her to move out.

You know, I think I am in the minority here, but I didn't like this book. I don't know if it was the heavy emphasis on religion or what. Something just really did NOT click when I read it and I had a hard time getting through.

the 'divorce busting' combined with plan A spoke to me a lot more and was more inspiring to me.

But keep in mind, that I in the minority with my feelings on Love Must be Tough. It's a book that's usually heavily recommended here.

she moved out.

I have no choice but to Plan B. I didn't even have time to Plan A now it just seems so ineffectual. She refuses to stop seeing him.

I have no other choice but to break all contact with her. In doing so, she is threatening to take away my visitation with my 5 year old son. She is using him as a pawn to make me continue to be friends with her. She doesn't want a relationship where we don't talk.

I don't have an opinion on the book....the only one I've read is SAA.

I do have an opinion about your W using your son as a pawn for contact with you.

You should definately look into a legal seperation and setting up some sort of visitation through it so that she can no longer use your son to have contact with you.

What makes you so sure that you should go to Plan B? Especially if there was no time for Plan A.

Thatsall - I thought the book was pretty good. As for the religious stuff that bothered maddyk, I think Dobson did an okay job of limiting that aspect. I agree that his references to the Good Book unnecessarily narrow his audience.

Shirley Glass's NOT "Just Friends" and Pittman's Private Lies are my favorites. The former is probably the most comprehensive I've seen. Divorce Busting is a good handbook too.

Reading about all these different principles is good for you because it teaches you to develop strategies for caring for yourself and your M.

I devoured the stuff for a few months, but now I can't really get into it any more.

GC

In SAA you will see where you can Plan A when WS is out of the house. I too thought that I was being "forced" into a plan B. However, I have been very successful in my Plan A and WW has been out of the house and refusing to end the EA/PA for over a month and a half. Another thing, if you go to Plan B without a good Plan A you are defeating part of the purpose. Plan A sets up Plan B so that the WS knows what they are losing. These plans are mutually exclusive. IMO.

Oh, and on Love must be tough mine is on order. I let you know after I read it.

Good Luck

C.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: shmaley ]</small>

Thatsall- I too just finished the book a few days ago. The premis is that you do not smother the WS but give plenty of space if he/she is still in the house. You take care of yourshelf and any children to draw the WS back to the you and the marriage. If this doesn't work then it seem like a plan B in that he recommends writing a letter asking the WS to leave the home and that you and the kids will miss her.

There are some similarities with MB principles, Plan A/B.

I think "Love must be Tough" would not allow a lengthy plan A and that with a covenant breaker you need to ask them to leave. There is an aspect of protecting and guarding our hearts in the process.

If I understand plan A well enough, if she is willing to stay you continue with that plan for a good period of time to show her a loving/attractive enviroment so that when she starts to get out of the fog she will want to return.

I too am open for other comments on this.

thatsall - please tell us what you believe you accomplished in your Plan A.

Secondly, please describe the formal/legal arrangements that have allowed her to have custody and you to have only visitation.

WAT

I am currently in the process of reading this book, I agree with GC, I think it is pretty good. It addresses some issues the BS face, and excuses the BS makes for the their spouses bad behavior and possible solutions/steps the BS need to take.
It is in some way difficult to read, but I kept at it partly because Pep recommended to me and she gives really good advice here. The religious aspects do not bother me, I think that is needed, marriage is a covenant ordanied by God.

GC I have the others books you mentioned, I plan to start reading as soon as I finish "Love Must Be Tough".

HO

I am currently in the process of reading this book, I agree with GC, I think it is pretty good. It addresses some issues the BS face, and excuses the BS makes for the their spouses bad behavior and possible solutions/steps the BS need to take.
It is in some way difficult to read, but I kept at it partly because Pep recommended to me and she gives really good advice here. The religious aspects do not bother me, I think that is needed, marriage is a covenant ordanied by God.

GC I have the others books you mentioned, I plan to start reading as soon as I finish "Love Must Be Tough".

HO

I didn't accomplish anything in my Plan A but lengthen the time span between the 2 faces of my wife. For days, she was the caring, loving wife I miss. Then, all it takes is one night of freedom to talk with him, and I get the spiteful, hate filled, spitting wife that I hate.

Last night I did not call her. This morning, I did not call her. She called me and it was war from the word 'go'. She told me that she will not stop talking to him. I lost it and told her to not call me or email me. Major LB's. It is impossible to love and be steady with the wife that I saw today. I am not strong enough.

I have done nothing in terms of separation papers or divorce papers. She said that she has no plans for that. I am at my rope's end and have never been closer to getting the papers to simply put all of this behind me.

I am worn out, exhausted, and I can no longer hang in there with this mental abuse.

OK, son, have a seat and calm down.

If you're worn out after only a month and you have no more to give your son, by all means check out of MB, file for divorce, and move on with your life.

If on the other hand, you value the relationship you have with your son and want to save your marriage, respond to my reply to you on your other post and let's work on one thread at a time.

Your decision: give up like a wimp or get to work. Which will it be?

WAT

I have no choice but to Plan B.
Why is that your only option?

She called me and it was war from the word 'go'.
It's only "war" when you allow it. She is not forcing you to argue with her, she is not forcing you to yell at her.

I am at my rope's end and have never been closer to getting the papers to simply put all of this behind me.
Why do you think filing papers would end the fighting and yelling?

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>