First of all, don't tell her how SHE feels....tell her how YOU feel.

Also, just because she feels that way NOW doesn't mean she will forever. She CAN feel that way for you. But there is a pretty good guarantee that her relationship with the OM (even if she leaves you), will break at some point. Then how will she feel about breaking up her marriage and hurting her son?

You have to be the MAN, the HUSBAND. You have to protect her (from OM, from herself), but not by strength. By smarts, but controlling your emotions. That does NOT mean keeping it in...it means calmly telling her how she is hurting you. How YOU feel. Do YOU want this marriage...do YOU think it will work? Then let her know. Be truthful, even when she is not being, and even when it hurts. No DJs, no LBs, just the calm truth. But don't hide your pain.

thatsall

Nobody can give you a guarantee that your marriage will be saved if you do a flawless Plan A/Plan B, BUT what can be guaranteed is that even if your marriage does end, you will be a better man who will KNOW what it takes to make a marriage work and make another woman a truly wonderful H. But in order to do this, you must first emotionally detach from the situation and realize that your WW at this moment is like an addict and that she is NOT the woman you married. If you wish consider that the woman you married is being held prisoner by this other woman inhabiting her body and your job is to help liberate her. And even if your best efforts bear no fruit, in the end you will have emotionally healed and you will be able to move on with your life more ready than ever to find someone who truly loves you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm afraid that she is WAY TOO addicted to this soul mate idea. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thatsall - the operative word, or idea, in your sentence is FEAR.

Understandable. We have all "been there, done that."

In my case my wife was involved in a 6 year continuous affair, had her own secret apartment, had divorce papers all drawn up and ready to serve me, had accepted a proposal of marriage from her OM, and was "hopelessly addicted" to the OM, her "soulmate."

We DO know.

But I want you to also know that if you are willing to TRY, despite your normal fears and doubts and uncertainty, there IS real hope for your marriage.

Trust me on this one....trust God and not yourself or your wife right now. Simply obey His commands no matter what you are feeling. Simply tell God that you ARE fearful but are willing to trust Him and let Him lead you.

The things you can do are the things you are finding hard to do because it's easier to simply say "I can't." You CAN. It isn't that you "can't," it's that you "won't." You ARE making a choice. The only real decision is WHAT choice you will make.

We all wanted to run from the hard work and the pain, but you can do the same thing we CHOSE to do. You can choose to Plan A no matter how hard it seems. You can choose to apologize when YOU do something that is not right or hurtful. Remember, love ALWAYS means having to say you are sorry when you do or say something wrong.

God bless.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm afraid that she is WAY TOO addicted to this soul mate idea. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thatsall - the operative word, or idea, in your sentence is FEAR.

Understandable. We have all "been there, done that."

In my case my wife was involved in a 6 year continuous affair, had her own secret apartment, had divorce papers all drawn up and ready to serve me, had accepted a proposal of marriage from her OM, and was "hopelessly addicted" to the OM, her "soulmate."

We DO know.

But I want you to also know that if you are willing to TRY, despite your normal fears and doubts and uncertainty, there IS real hope for your marriage.

Trust me on this one....trust God and not yourself or your wife right now. Simply obey His commands no matter what you are feeling. Simply tell God that you ARE fearful but are willing to trust Him and let Him lead you.

The things you can do are the things you are finding hard to do because it's easier to simply say "I can't." You CAN. It isn't that you "can't," it's that you "won't." You ARE making a choice. The only real decision is WHAT choice you will make.

We all wanted to run from the hard work and the pain, but you can do the same thing we CHOSE to do. You can choose to Plan A no matter how hard it seems. You can choose to apologize when YOU do something that is not right or hurtful. Remember, love ALWAYS means having to say you are sorry when you do or say something wrong.

God bless.

double post.

<small>[ September 23, 2004, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: ForeverHers ]</small>

That is powerful FH and inspirational.

When I turn my marriage over to God, I am given a calm peace. When I try and handle it on my own, I lose all composure and lash out.

I have to remember to turn my marriage over to God every morning, every afternoon and every evening before I go to sleep. It's not enough to turn it over once, because no matter what, my human instincts tell me that I can do it.

Thanks FH for grounding me. Wonderful advise.