I think that is from an old ATT commercial about dialing wrong numbers and not paying for for them.
It has been a while since I have started a thread and I really don't know what to call it (obviously).
I'll get to the meat. Yesterday I am talking with an old friend stationed out west when he tells me to hold on for a moment. I figure he is putting me on hold and I'm anticipating hearing the AF news or some Alamogordo radio station but that didn't happen.
I hear FOW voice. At first I wasn't sure what was happening, thought there was some phone snafu or something. I asked for my friend again...She asked who is this? I told her, she said "Oh" and handed the phone back to my friend. He asks me "what all that was about", jokingly asking if there was any "history" because of our reactions.
I told him that there was a little history. He apologized profusely I said no big deal and we continued our convo.
Seems FOW is stationed with one of my friends. He had no idea about our A but knew that we used to be stationed together and was just "surprising" each of us with a "This is your life" moment. There has been no contact with her since March or so of last year. My A was short (about a month). There wasn't much fog on either part so NC wasn't a problem
I called my wife immediately and told her. She wasn't concerned and thanked me for telling her. But the call brought back a feeling I hadn't felt in a while....Guilt. We probably spoke less than 10 words to each other but I felt guilty.
I realized that the guilt I felt yesterday was the exact same guilt I felt two years ago, when the A was just starting, but had dismissed it. Funny how I couldn't stand it yesterday but it took so little effort two years ago. I think my morals are the same now as they were then. I really don't think I ever lost them, I just chose not to employ them. It really brought to light how the rationalizations of "I deserve to be happy" and "she's having an affair so why can't I", overpowered my sense of what is right.
Selfishness sucks.
I thought about that 10 second phone call and our reactions to it a lot last night. We used to consider our A's as the "events" that eventually changed our marriage. But I don't think that is the case. Kinda like the wing falling off a plane after both engines have blown up. It might have sped up the inevitable but the plane was still going to end up a smoldering pile of wreckage with bodies thrown about anyway.
The "events" that changed our marriage was how we reacted to the A's. The self examination, the praying, the counseling, the praying, the patience and oh yeah the praying, were the "real" events that are giving us the marriage we always wanted.
I know nothing profound there. In all seriousness, my wife and I devoted less than two minutes to this. That's freakin' cool. No issues, no doubts and no mistrust. Just last week she had to email her FOM (work related) and she BCC'd me on it. Again, not the "event" it would have been in the past.
Life threw me a curve ball. I wasn't expecting it but I was certainly ready for it and smacked a la Barry Bonds to deep right. Back, Back, Back....gone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I know I'm all over the place here but work keeps interfering with my train of thought.
God Bless
Doug
