I counseled with Steve again today, but am lost and don't know what to do. I just didn't get it, I guess.

WW is actively in the A. Heavy. Deep love. But still wants to go to MC with me. Still wants to do fun trips with me to see if we can "have it" again. She counseled with Steve on Monday of this week, and liked it. But, she's blatantly honest about the A and just asks me to hang in there. She lies a lot about not seeing him, and then sees him. She's on the phone with him all the time, and I'd guess also emails, since she's at her computer a lot. Yet, she grows closer to me, and likes my changes, and we have connected more intimately - despite this. I told her that with the latest lie I finally had to stop the pain. That I can't let her do this to me. It hurts too much. And that she had to move out. I don't know if that was right. I know in her mind, even though she's 90% his, she still would rather see us end up a happy family. (We have two little kids)
My friends tell me I have to draw the line. It's too blatant. And that as long as she's this active in the A and that love, that we won't find out anything about "us" anyway, and that the only true way to have a chance with her is to just send her away. She's seen the changes, she knows me and how dedicated and strong I've been, and that to think that by just hanging around taking the scrap moments, that she'll start to choose me, is foolish.
We have social things planned in the near future. It would be my greatest wish to just go with her, and say...what the heck. But it seems that is the wrong choice right now, because of the choice she continues to make.
Can anyone see where the heck we are, through all of this?
The A has gone on for several months. They met at a convention and I know it was my fault that she was "available." But I want to love this woman for the rest of my life, so badly. Please help.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 01:27 PM: Message edited by: 4 Ever ]</small>

When you counsel with Steve, take notes...

Your friends are not licensed marriage counselors with expertise in infidelity (like Steve), so ask them for support, not advice.

It sounds like your Plan A efforts are showing results... so keep on keeping on.... expect not much back from your WW right now....

The reason you do this is because it is what you MUST do, not because it's the simple or the easy thing to do.... your kids are depending on you to do the best job you can. So stick with Steve, and your chances for marriage recovery go up (no guarantee).

You are NOT responsible for your wife's affair! NO NO NO

She is 100% responsible for keeping her knickers up... your wife did not protect the family from her weaknesses.... hence her lousy decision to have an affair.

You are (partly) responsible for the emotional climate of your pre-A marriage... but NEVER assume your wife's responsibility for her affair. There were hundreds of other options she could choose if she was not happy.... demeaning herself, you, the kids was a poor choice, HER choice, not yours.

Pep

PS.... keep talking / posting / counseling with Steve

Pep