If your husband cheated on you and OW had his baby, would you be able to trust him under any circumstance to visit the baby in OW's home.

Not without me being there too!

Pep

Hi,

This is for my husband and any other husband who thinks it is OK to visit OC in OW home without his wife.

I think emphatically not.

Contact with OW or OC at any time would not be acceptable to me.

--Noodle

To tell you the truth, Genia, I do not believe that I would stay with my husband if he were to father a child with OW. I admire all of the women on the pregnancy/child board and I'm amazed and inspired by their strength, but I know in my heart that I could not stay in a marriage where my husband had a child with OW because of an affair.

I would be so hurt and I do not feel that there is anything he could do or say that would make me change my mind.

I wish you continue strength and in your case I would insist on being there when and if he visits the OC.

Kati

Ditto Kati,

I think the FWH can visit the OC in the OW's home as much as he wants, when he is no longer living with me...

Hi,

Let me clarify something. This question is to mean what your choice would be. Some women were manipulated by their husbands to allow visitation in OW's home but this was not their choice. My husband is trying to manipulate me. Please vote what your choice would be if you had a say. Some men do not ask their woman or give her a choice.

Genia,

I cannot answer this question. I feel like Kati does. I don't think I would stay with him.

Now I will say that if you agreed to stay with your husband after he fathered anothers baby while married to you, he should do whatever makes you the most comfortable. If it bothers you, he should NOT do it. That is what the POJA is for. A man should not do something which would bring such anguish to his wife period, especially after you were gracious enough to stay with him.

Genia..there is always a choice..not an ability to choose what another will do..but to choose what you will accept. I think these husbands are far too comfortable in their belief that their wives will simply live with and accept whatever they do. This does not have to be so. I would likely not stay in a marriage with my H if he had fathered another child with his A partner..however..having not been in those particular shoes as of yet..I can not say that with no uncertainty whatsoever..can I? What I can say though..is that I would not feel obligated to defend my feelings or perceptions or position re OC and OW..my boundaries and needs are not negotiable..if I'm not comfortable with it..and he is not willing to accomodate me..we are at an impasse. {shrugs} What is of graver concern to me, is his attitude of 1)dismissal of your feelings and needs and 2) his position of entitlement. This child should not exist so any attempt to claim any legitamacy or ground for contact is absurd and extremely telling. I'd be reading between the lines on this one, rather than attempting to defend myself.

.02 Noodle

Genia,

You ALWAYS have a choice and you ALWAYS have a say. Your husband cannot manipulate you unless you let him.

If you can live with your husband having a child with OW and he insists on contact with OC and you can live with this arrangement as well, then if I were you, I would INSIST on being there with him at OW's home when he visits OC. If OW is not comfortable with this arrangement, then both of you can drive over to OW's home, pick up the child and bring it to YOUR home or a neutral place while you visit with BOTH of you there the entire time.

Kati

Sigh...

Genia-asking this question is like your arm falling off, your hemoraging and you're debating which band aid to use.

Again, you're watering it down to get the response you want. Not gonna happen...

Sigh...

Genia-asking this question is like your arm falling off, your hemoraging and you're debating which band aid to use.

Again, you're watering it down to get the response you want. Not gonna happen...

I agree.

I agree JP that the response I am getting is the response I want.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Okay Genia,

You asked and I'm telling.

I "trusted" my then-H to be around the OW. BOTH of the OW for the sake of the OCs. Afterall, I was their step-mom and loved the OCs like my own. Thought my H was wayyyyy past that crap.

So, what does my H do? He starts up an affair with the ONS OW. He left me and divorced me for her.

AND, an added hurtful bonus .... I don't get to see the OCs ever because the OW does not want me in their life.

So I was robbed, cheated-on and abandoned on several different levels in the name of "TRUST".

The good news is I found MB. And it, along with my therapist and good friends, saved my life.

Love,
Jo

Threadjack -

Resilient that is the first time I heard your story and you know what? -

I got me a pickup truck with "psycho" as the license plate, if you know what I'm saying. Let me come pick you up and we'll go pay your serial cheating ex-(husband is too nice a word) a visit along with the OW. You game?

(just kidding about the license plate, but I have been known to pull a psycho stunt or two)

I'm sure we can count Nios and a few of the others in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

NO! I wouldn't even stay with my H if he got OW pregnant. That would definitley be it for me!!!! I wouldn't trust him as far as I could see him. NO, NO, NO!!!!

Yeppers. And guess what plates I'm gettin for MY truck?

"WuzHiz"

Res - your story and mine sound so similar that it's almost uncanny. Wanna go on Springer with me? I think we qualify...of course you and I both have too much class to rip anyone's shirt off....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> NO! I wouldn't even stay with my H if he got OW pregnant. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please ya'll...not to be, you know, b*tchy or anything, but remember to temper your words with, "There but for the grace of God go I." It could've happened to ANY of you (we all know that most of the ws's weren't thinking with any head that had brains in it at the time anyway, so how many of you are 110% certain protection was used each and every time?). I would also conjecture that way back when, before d-day, most would've said an A would've been a def. marriage killer right then and there. So please, all encompassing statements are...well, you know...just words.

You can 2x4 me all you want...it's just my .02.

Sorry if I offended anybody <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I was just saying how I would feel....I understand that it happens to lots of people...I just don't think I could handle it myself. My H has been such a jerk and I guess that's why I answered that way.
Sorry!