Or should I let her do all the contact right now? I don't really know how to approach it. This is a whole new situation.

IMHO, because she sent you an email, I would send an email back. Sounds like she is comfortable right now humbling herself in email...I wouldn't force the voice to voice until she makes the move...I'd write something like...

Thanks for the email, you made my day. Sounds like you are having a tough time though, want to call or get together so we can talk some more?


Put the ball in her court to make the move about getting together. And when you meet, let her bring up the R.

She didn't send me an email. She called me.

bump

then call her back!

Juke...your story has inspired me. My WH left me after exposing his affair a few weeks after your WW did. He was acting like an arrogant F**! for a few months but now is treating me nicer. He still hasn't used the "divorce" word so I am not sure what he wants although he has stated that I have to move on and that he doesn't think marriage is for him???

We are meeting for lunch tomorrow although I am trying not to get my hopes up as I have been devastated after previous encounters with him. His actions are very immature considering he is almost 31! I am almost 4 years younger than him yet seemingly have the upper end on maturity (much like you do).

Anyways, I'd go forth and call her. She is where I wish my H was! You have been a stud throughout this whole mess...glad things are working out for you.

Good luck!

-K

Kjb23- good, because my XW was a b$tch from hell for a couple months too. Like extremely! She started treated me nicer as she started coming out of the fog. i will call her and just say hi.

If she called you and is looking to talk then get together and talk.

But prep yourself and be prepared for anything. This is a great oppertunity in my opinion for Plan A.

and don't forget the 180's.

Leave your pain and anger off the table - rebuild her trust in you. Yes I know that sound wierd as she had the affair but don;t be surprised at anything.

Good Luck>>>

How did the call go?

I tried to call her at work and she had left early so I missed her. Oh well, I will try tomorrow.

i still think take it slow... allow her to ease her way back... just be open to possible hesitation.

sounds like the call she made to you was in the form of a voice message or you would have talked to her at that time right?

yes, if she called then call her back (again since you've already tried) keep it light but still be cautious and expecting the worse (she changed her mind for example) and hope for the best can always help protect your feelings.

continued prayers to you, RR

Oops, sorry about that, she CALLED you.
Like roughroad asked, voice mail?

Yes, I would call her, play it kind of cool, don't hound her. Talk with her or leave a message if you can...

Say something like "Got your message, would love to get together and talk, (and then give a suggested time and place...lunch? Coffee after work?)"

I would let her know you are willing to take her back openly and honestly BUT...and this is the time for you to lay out what you are willing to accept...much like a Plan B...NC with OM (letter?), MC, really commit and work on figuring out how the M could get to where it was to allow an A. Admit you were part of the problem for the breakdown of the M. Then tell her what you need to trust her again...(passwords, honesty, know her whereabouts...)

OK, OK, if you hit her with this the first time you meet, then she will probably head for the hills. Perhaps the first time you meet you can tell her you would love to work on an R with her, but want to do it differently this time...if she agrees, ask her what changes she wants to see happen. Then ask her to think of more things and next time you meet you can both hammer out some changes to work on...then you can incorporate some of these changes. As she seems more serious and DEFINITELY before she moves back in, give her the rest...

No. LOL. We actually talked on the phone. She called me and I asnwered. There was no voice mail left. Have u read my good news post? I already told her what I need from her. I just wondered if I should start making contact with her or if I should let her do the contact for now. You did kind of answer that.

Sorry again, Yes, I did read your good news post, but unfortunately my memory is not as good as it once was. I don't post my age because I have reached a landmark and I'm in SERIOUS denial.

So, what's your plan, and what's the latest?

Well, my plan is plan A still. SHe will be in her new place on the 1st of October. I am not going to talk about R unless she brings it up right now. Maybe this weekend I will see a movie with her or eat with her. I will do something with her that we both miss. I am not going to bring up the affair unless she does. Right now she needs to be reminded of why she loves me and why she married me. I have to show her that, still have boundaries, and slowly move into counseling soon. That is my plan.

You sound like you've got a good start on this stuff.

I couldn't agree more. Bringing up the A would be a very bad idea.

One thing i have learned is that it is the job of the husband to protect his wife. Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. Part of that means not letting her beat herself up about the affair, but mostly it means not beating her up yourself. She will need to reconcile her own emotions and her past mistakes. You can be there to help her get that done.

Good luck and God Bless.