He finally admitted about a month ago, that he was seeing her (he always stated it was just a friendship and they could relate to eachother, it just so happens that her and her husband aren't doing so well either). When he told me, he stated that they kissed one night and that is all the further it has gone. He agreed then to end it with her competely, even called her and told her in front of me. Then I emailed her to reinerate his wishes, she was curtious and agreed not to contact him. Things were looking up- we started going to counseling and getting back on track, however it was hard because they were so many unanswered ?'s and I kept poking him to express his feelings. He never did and I continued to poke. Til finally last Friday evening, I checked his check phone records and noticed her number on there. When I confronted him, he told me that was the first time they had talked since he called her and broke it off. I knew he was lying, so since she offered her phone number to me, I called and she stated that they have been talking on and off, mostly about our fights again and her own problems. She stated that they haven't seen eachother since it was broke off and that they only kissed that one time. I told her is a hard for us all to move on when they are still talking and asked her to please stop, she agreed. Confronted him and we had a huge fight, where by the end we talked "D". I feel like he is trying to make me push for the "D", he origionally said he wanted to try, but now I am not so sure he feels the same way. I know I probably have pushed him over the edge at times, but he has continued to lie to me. What hurts most is the lying and when asked if he loves me, he says "yes", however when asked if he is "in love" with me he states not at the moment. Also, I told him he really needs to stop talking to OW, he now stated" I am not sure if I can, she is the only person that I can talk to and she is a good friend."
The other problem, is our counselor is getting ready to do a one on one with him, because she says that he has shown her signs of depression and that could obviously have a huge impact on the recovery process and our marriage.

I have been trying to be nicer and more understanding and giving him space (as he continually states this and trys avoiding contact/plans with me), we both hate the fighting which has been an almost daily process and I just feel hopeless and like he doesn't want this to work. Do I continue with the counseling in hopes of recovery? Wait to see if he is diagnosed with depression and wait for his recovery? HELP- I need advice on all ends as I feel he has turned me into the bad one, when he was the one who has hurt me!

Start in Plan A and do that for several months. You should not be arguing and LB'ing. You know he is having an affair and that is enough. Every time you fight, you are helping out the other woman.

BG - Guess what? Your H is following what they call the WS script. That's right - we the betrayed spouse get to play the role of enemy. You see it helps them to justify their actions when they are in the FOG. Have you read the main principles on the MB site. My suggestion is to start in Plan A because that will help both you and your spouse deal with this more effectively. First rule - he MUST establish NO CONTACT with this woman. Second rule - expose their little "friendship" to HER husband. He is probably wondering what is going on too. Hopefully some veterans will help you out better, but do look for the guidelines to plan A. It is a start. Good Luck!

BG - I really feel compelled to bump this up for you since our stories are very similar. Please do not wait to expose this friendship to her H because it will help end it quicker. I did NOT do this soon enough and it lost it's impact once my H and the OW got their "friendship" and jealous wife stories straight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It will take courage, but do it for your marriage.

I am afaid to do that, because I am scared of what her husband might do. He has been mean to her in the past, and I would hate for him to hurt her physically, or go after my husband. Also, I wouldn't want to give him ammo to divorce her, so she becomes available for my husband.

Do you know for sure that her husband has been physically abusive? You don't know how many times we on this board have heard that story. It usually turns out not to be true.

I hope you don't think that you owe it to her to enable their affair so that she doesn't have to face any unpleasantness.

If your H commits to the marriage and NC then I don't think you should expose. If he breaks NC again, then you should expose.

When you poke a ball, what happens? People react the same way. Let him know that you are there for him when he is ready to talk, stop the pushing.

You cannot control other people. Work on the only person you can control, yourself. Stop the fighting and LB'ing. I know right now it hurts feeeling like you are the only one fighting to save the marriage but this feeling will pass with time.

The OW knows her H, if she thinks that he will react violently then that should be incentive enough for them to end the affair.

GDF

He made "plans" last night to go out with an old friend, but somehow I knew something was up. So I found out which bar he was at, call her house to see if she was home. Which BTW, her husband answered and when asked where she was, she was "at a work function" Well at about 11:15pm, I decided to call him, he was on his way home. He asked "what is going on?". I asked what do you mean, he said that his mom called and mentioned that she had spoken to me and that I was crying. She kinda blew some of my plans. I said everything was fine and asked how his night was. He said good. I asked where he went he said "Bar A" (not the place he was at), then I should have just kept my mouth shut. Instead, I said, funny your car was at Bar B. He asked how I knew that I said that someone saw it there, called me to see if I was there as well. He said yes, he went there first. Funny how he didn't mention it. I asked who he was with, he said "Friend", I said so if I call to ask Friend if he was with you last night, he would say yes. He said "why would you have to call him, I am tired of in interigations". We talked kinda normal at that point and moved on. I shouldn't have asked him about Bar B, because I would have found out this morning, since he got money from our account out of the ATM and it says "Bar B" on the receipt.
I checked his cell phone this morning and this is the second time this week I have done that and both times he has deleted his missed and incoming calls. Obviously, he has something to hide, if he didn't why would he have to do that each time (even though I am sure he knows I am checking it) Do I confront him on this?
At this point, do I just leave it, confront him regarding the phone, call her and ask her if she was with him last night, email her, try to get to our next counseling appointment with some sanity?
I really have this gut feeling that he is lying to me Why does this have to happen to me? I honestly do not know how much lying or decieving I can take. This is probably the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through, I feel alone because the one person in my life, who I thought I could count on, has lied to me many times and hurt me to a point of possibly no return.

Well his "friend" did end up being her. He told me his feelings have changed for me and isn't sure what he wants to do. I told him her husband needs to know, he said if you do that I will file the papers tomorrow.
I am going to turn to Plan B, except give him a little limited time to figure some things out. We have a MC appointment (our 3rd one) on Thursday, so I am going to tell him- you have a choice, if you want to even try on this marriage at all, then be there on Thursday, if not I guess I will know where you stand.
Does the pain of this hurt and betrayal ever go away?