I have never posted in anything like this before, but I found this site a few days ago right after I told him it was definately over, and I have to leave. If I looking on here, maybe I havn't completely given up...
I have spent 10 years ina non marraige. I got preg very early in out relationship- I had planned on this being a one night stand. When he seemed to want to stick around when I was pregnant I decided to try to make it work. Our relationship hasn't been all bad. We never fight, but we also hardly ever talk, and have never had very much in common intrests. We have never officially gotten married because he is completely against marraige. Thinks it would only give me half ownership in all his stuff, so I could get it in the divorce (I have mostly stayed home with the kids so everything is "owned" by him)
I've had time when I wanted a real marraige, but i know in my heart that I have never really loved him. If I wanted I could do the typical female thing and force him into it.
After ten years of staying together because he's not that bad of a guy (there's no abuse and he's not the affair type) I am feeling old and restless. i still want to believe in the possibilty of true love that really lasts. And maybe the right person is out there for me. I would ever love to see him find the right person (even though he insists there's nothing wrong in our relationship and he's happy).
Our daughters are now 7 & 9 and I am very worried about how the breakup will affect them. I'm hoping because our relationship is so platonic now, it can stay that way with us seperated, but I'm not sure. Maybe its better to stay in a loveless, but ok relationship so that the kids will have a stable home with a reliable income.
Compared to some of what I've read on here, my relationship looks almost normal. I have a lot of bitternes about the marriage thing. We hardly talk and never do things together as a couple and rarely as a family. But fights are few, the are no EA's, and the sex is good when it happens (I have been avoiding lately, just fell like I need some emotional, or social connection before I can even think about sex)
My question is this: What do people think about the possibility of a soul mate or true love? (or can you just make it work with a lot of effort with whoever your stuck with?) Is it selfish to leave a relationship like this. I know the kids will be devistated and our lifstyle/income will definatly change. I will most likely have to leave with not much more than our clothing. He has been so atament that i will try to take his stuff or "rob him with child support".
Any feed back is welcome. i have been back and forth on this issue for 10 yrs, but I feel like it is finally time to do something.

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Me- 29
Him- 30
living together 9.5 yrs
2 daughters- 9 & 7
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Hi rosemerry,

Welcome to MB.Sorry your post wasn't answered sooner,it fell way back since this board really does get cruising on some days.

I'm not sure how we can help you since you are not married and this is a Marriage Builders website.But,in all honesty,you do have some serious issues to contend with so perhaps some counseling(professional)may help you and your partner work them out.

One things for sure though: most of us here do not believe in the "soul mate" fantasy and that there is one magic person out there who will be everything to you at all times.If only it were that easy! Nope,it takes work to make any relationship what you want it to be and you do have children to consider so you should be doing all you can to make it work out for your childrens sake before they end up having to deal with another set of "parents" one day.Sometimes adults need to take a back seat to their needs while putting those of thier childrens first.

Not every one does that unfortunately and they selfishly plod along dragging their kids behind them,sad and confused.Do what you can to prevent your children being in an environment like that.

O