Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
#1188798 09/22/04 11:52 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
I usually post on EN and lurk over here. I guess by the time I found MB, dh's EA was what I figured old, and wasn't the source of our problems..

Here is what I am facing now... I just copied this over from the EN board, though I might get some input here also.

51 of them to be exact all on dhs cell phone. Most were only for a minute here and there, but there were a few for a tad bit longer. He says he has no idea who it is, doesn't recognize the phone number. I called the number it was that of a female. I called back a little later and an older gentleman answered the phone. I asked who the number belonged to, he wouldn't answer, said he has no idea about dh's cell phone number. I asked if he maybe had a daughter or something, he wouldn't answer, I asked about the answering machine he wouldn't answer. Not that I expected him to.

51 calls, some went out the same night I caught him opening a new e-mail account. That night is explanation for the email was to email with Penny and our mentor without me reading. Said there were things he wanted to discuss with them and I would just argue with him about it. Dh says why would I spend all this money to work with Penny if I'm going to mess around.

Most of the calls were outgoing, some incoming. He had been receiving strange phone calls asking for someone else, around this time frame, but most of these calls were outgoing.

Some of them early in the morning, the time he would be driving to work, a lot late at night, some even during the time he would be driving home.

I went in to him and calmly told him if he for some reason started talking to someone, please be honest with me so we can work it out with Penny. He said he hadn't been. I againg (I know not good) said if you have been, please tell me, we can get through it if you are honest. He said I 've been talking to someone. I asked who, he said I'm lying I haven't been, but you aren't going to believe me anyway.

I am really trying not to react right now until I talk to P.

#1188799 09/23/04 06:29 AM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 339
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 339
Could they be text messages that he is deleting? You might try switchboard.com to to look up the name for that number. Sometimes it works. Also it might be a signal from someone else. Sorry I am being all negative just my BS side talking. Hope it's nothing but it doesn't sound good. Your H should not be keeping things private from you. And IMHO getting serious about the IC or MC with Penny is just an excuse for the email account.

Wish you the best and take care.

C.

#1188800 09/23/04 06:36 AM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
51 phone calls from the same number and your husband doesn't know who/what they are? No matter what these numbers are, you are certainly no over-reacting and if your husband is not taking your concern seriously, that raises a second red-flag to me.

Suppose you give him the benefit of the doubt. I think that a change of number is in order. After all..51 times is a LOT of unexplainable calls from the same number. They're eating up your minutes!!!

I would not give the benefit of the doubt here, but I am not in your situation. Sometimes I feel a bit jaded when it comes to the "looks like a duck, quacks like a duck".

Since you're going to talk to Penny about it, maybe you COULD just put in on the backburner until then. If your husband is telling the truth, you're not going to get anywhere with him anyway..no explanation is going to satisfy you. If he's not telling the truth, he's not going to now.

I'm glad you have Penny to talk and guide you.

#1188801 09/23/04 06:41 AM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042
Go to Google.com and type in the phone number. If it is a listed number it will give you the name and address. Maybe that will trigger WH's memory.

#1188802 09/23/04 10:41 AM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
Thank you for the responses.

Shmaley~ My phonebill tells how many text messages have been sent and received on his phone, it doesn't mesh with the number of phone calls.

I agree with you about the e-mail account. I think he got caught so he had a "good story". He has already had one EA, lots of porn use, and lots of unexplainable events.

I tried the site you gave me, no luck. It took me to a paid site. My dad is a PI he is trying to find info on the number for me. Although, he said that it is really hit and miss with just a phone number. Not sure what I would do with the info anyways.

Maddy~ It wouldn't do any good to change the number. The majority of the calls are outgoing from his cell. If I put all the information together with the timeline, it doesn't look good at all. Now I'm running the risk of my dh reading here and finding out what I knw..uggg I"m not very bright.

Kloe no luck at google thanks though

#1188803 09/23/04 10:48 AM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
just got this email from dh

CALLED NEXTEL . THEY SAID IT COULD BE BATCHING... I AM WILL TO CHANGE THE NUMBER IF YOU WANT ME TO..... JUST SAY THE WORD... I REALLY AM WORKING TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE BETTER THAN WHAT IT WAS. I KNOW THAT YOU REALLY DO KNOW WHAT TO THINK BUT I AM WILL TO WORK ON IT WITH YOU. CALL ME ON MY CELL


anyone know anything about this?

#1188804 09/23/04 11:13 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,091
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,091
It's amazing how they will lie, lie and lie some more with the proof right there in their face.

This is a HUGE RED FLAG and I can't believe that he expects you to believe that he doesn't know the #, especially of the #'s that have been dialed out.

Let me guess.....he has an imaginary friend that is calling his imaginary GF.

I went through this with my H very early into one of our false recoveries. My H did the same thing.......for about 2 hours...till he just couldn't deny it anymore, with me having the proof right there in his face. The calls had already ended about 3 weeks before I found out.....but that wasn't the point.

Needless to say.......the cell phone was cancelled that day.

Why are you worried about your H finding out what you know? You are only trying to protect yourself.

#1188805 09/23/04 11:23 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
Maybe worried isn't the right word. I am on here working through everything, putting my ducks in a row per say. If he comes and reads before I can completely confront him, he has had time to come up with excuses or reasoning behind the information.

#1188806 09/23/04 11:30 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,091
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,091
What sort of excuse or reasoning is there for that # dialed OUT of his cell phone that many times.

I can't think of 1 that would lead me to believe that it had something to do with "batching" or whatever he said that Nextel said unless I had proof.....and yes....I would either call myself....or ask him for the proof.

The only way for his phone to show that many calls dialed out.....is if he dialed them out. If they were "batched"....then they would simply say....duplicate wouldn't they?

#1188807 09/23/04 11:59 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
This is what his explanation from Nextel is... Now mind you, I'm don't necessarily believe this, just putting it out there to work through it.

"She said just because you see the number on your bill does not always mean you made the call. That is why it is a good idea to review your bill monthly"

"THEY WILL REVIEW THE ACCOUNT FOR THE NEXT MONTH TO SEE IF ANYONE CALLS THAT NUMBER AGAIN. IF NOT SHE SAID THE IT COULD BE BATCHING( WHEN CALLS APPEAR ON YOUR PHONE BILL THAT WERE NOT MADE FROM YOUR PHONE). SHE ALSO SAID THAT SOMEONE COULD HAVE A SIMILAR NUMBER ,AND THE NUMBERS GOT MIXED UP."

I think he is trying to take me away from the problem at hand, and get me focusing on how we could possibly be charged for calls we didnt'make.

I did find out the number is a local number through a CLEC. Which is a local competitive carrier.

#1188808 09/23/04 12:05 PM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
neverenough...did YOU call Nextel to see if this is possible or is this explanation all from your husband?

It would be easy enough to call them with the hypothetical question...

#1188809 09/23/04 12:13 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,091
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,091
I don't get it....and I don't believe it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She said just because you see the number on your bill does not always mean you made the call. That is why it is a good idea to review your bill monthly"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a good one. I'll have to remember this one.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"THEY WILL REVIEW THE ACCOUNT FOR THE NEXT MONTH TO SEE IF ANYONE CALLS THAT NUMBER AGAIN. IF NOT SHE SAID THE IT COULD BE BATCHING( WHEN CALLS APPEAR ON YOUR PHONE BILL THAT WERE NOT MADE FROM YOUR PHONE). SHE ALSO SAID THAT SOMEONE COULD HAVE A SIMILAR NUMBER ,AND THE NUMBERS GOT MIXED UP."
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So in other words.....someone with a similar cell phone # as you H's made these calls and they were charged to your H's account?

I find that HIGHLY unlikely.

It's ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE for someone elses calls to show up on your H's phone.

If your being charged for calls that weren't made from your H's phone.....they wouldn't show up as dialed on your H's phone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think he is trying to take me away from the problem at hand, and get me focusing on how we could possibly be charged for calls we didnt'make.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you hit the nail on the head here. I think he's trying to stear you away from trying to figure out the owner of the #.

I went through this.....not with Nextel....but with a very highly recognized carrier. My H swore up and down that he never dialed the #....blah blah blah.

I went all the way to the top with my questions and was told point blank.....the # won't show up unless it was dialed. There's no way for it to appear on your bill or your phone without it being dialed.

I hope you find out otherwise......but this is just a huge red flag for me.

#1188810 09/23/04 12:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
Just spoke with Nextel. They confirmed what I already knew, it really isn't possible. She pointed out that Nextel has one of the highest security rating, that's why so many gov't agencies use them.

She called the number, the gentleman said he did some research, and someone did call from dh's cell and that's why their were incoming calls, someone in the house was returning the call.

I really dont know where to go from here. I emailed dh told him what Nextel said.

#1188811 09/23/04 01:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
NE,

Your H sounds like he is feeding a bunch of WS babble...... don't buy it. If he agrees to change the #, let him. Watch how long that takes.... ask for access to view the nextel account on line. Chances are if the A is happening, he will change the # and get another phone. If he is dumb enough to continue A calls on the new #, then you will find out more garbage.

Be proactive. If your H is slow in changing his cell#, moniter the calls. You and nextel have alerted the household and whatever debates or babble being said on that end, is now going on (not your business....yet). Keep a log of the info you currently have.

If needed you can report this # to the police and have them put a trace on the nextel phone or even the incoming calls phone. The owner will probably be notified that harrassment calls are coming from their phone and someone (left unnamed) has made a report. The police will let you know the details.

JMHO,
L.

#1188812 09/23/04 01:15 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
Thanks Orchird. I have complete access to the phone records. The nice thing is dh has a name that if pronounced incorrectly can come across as a female name. I usually call and handle all things that are in his name.

I also handle all money. He doesn't have an atm card at this time. He does have a few credit cards, that I hvae access to, meaning the bills. One of those cards involves one of the unexplainable events.

TOo much there for me to just walk away with, he didn't make the calls. I just don't know how to act towards him. I am really tired of living my life like this.

I told him I don't see how changing the number would help when these were almost all outgoing calls.

#1188813 09/23/04 01:24 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
His response is now "whatever I will talk to you later"

#1188814 09/23/04 01:36 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
Welp, based on your chat with the Nextel folks, sounds like he's lieing. Sorry Hon.

So, now take him up on changing the cell number and monitor those closely. Be sure to keep a keen eye out for "Phone Cards" in his wallet now as those are always a cheat's back-up plan. BTDT.

Also, be sure to tell Penny all about these latest events with your H present.

Good luck and God Bless,
Jo

#1188815 09/23/04 01:44 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
So that's just it, I just let it go? Watch him and see what else he does? THe number of unexplainable events are starting to become too much for me.

I'm tired of having to play babysitter to my dh so he doesn't do anything wrong.

#1188816 09/23/04 01:51 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
None of us ever signed-up to be Deputy Wife ... I do know how you feel.

You can't force anyone to do anything, including being honest. It's out of your control. You can only control what you do about it. Consequences.

That's why I deferred you to Penny since you two have already been counseling with her. She'll know what the next steps should be.

Lv,
Jo

#1188817 09/23/04 02:05 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,648
I'm sorry if I came across b*tchy. I just don't know anymore. I mean even if he was telling the truth, I justkeep thinking to myself, this shouldn't even be an issue. We shouldn't even have to worry about this crud.

I know I havent' been a great wife. Lately I have been asking for a lot of time to myself. If he had seeked someone else out to talk to, honestly would it surprise me? No.

Page 1 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 16 guests, and 49 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Convict20, GTNY, Avianna, BootsJeans, B24gordon
71,735 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,549
Posts2,322,799
Members71,736
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5