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<small>[ November 22, 2004, 04:44 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>
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Joe,
I know you have been at this for a long time, but remember they say an affair sometimes takes two years to burn out. It isn't over yet, unless you want it to be, although it seems like it is.
It sounds like you really are moving into the acceptance stage and this is good. It means before too long you are going to be feeling pretty good again most of the time.
All is not wonderful in fantasy land for your WW and before to long I would imagine you will start to see signs of this.
Don't beat yourself up too much Joe, you did not cause this affair to happen and I would imagine that someday you will have the answers you need.
Keep hanging in there Joe, happiness will be your friend again and very soon from the way this post of yours sounds, because you are moving along in the stages and because you are no longer in the choas.
Weaver
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Weaver,
Thanks for the encouraging words. There always seems to be someone here that makes me feel better with simple words, and this morning, already, it was you. I can make it through work now, thanks...
You're right, I am moving through the stages, and I understand them from being here. I will finally be able to be me again. Not only me, but the guy my WS fell in love with so many years ago. And maybe she'll be drawn to me, assuming her new relationship hits hard times (which I realize probably will eventually). But I also realize that I might be in a better place by then and not want her anymore. It's sad to think of, but I guess that's the way this works.
Have a good day...
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You know Joe, that was probably the hardest thing to come to grips with, when I went through this with my DD's dad. The realization that I may get to the point where I didn't want him back. The thought of knowing I might lose my love for him, that made me sadder than anything. And that is exactly what happened, but that was years ago and now we are friends and co-parents, and he is married to a woman I like very much. He did want to get back together with me at one point but it was too late. Strange how things sometimes work out.
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<small>[ November 22, 2004, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>
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Joe - Your friends mean well, but they have no idea what this is like. No one knows until they go through it. That's why having this place to come to and talk to others who know what you're going throught is so important. Keep doing what you feel is right and you will get through this, one way or another.
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Posting sometimes seems to be the only encouragement, the only comfort, and the one thing that keeps me pushing on. I don't know what I'd do without everyone here. I am thankful to all of you who respond to me and keep the hope alive.
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Joe your WW will rue the day that she met her OM when he pays her the same way she paid you. Why do I say that? Becaise he beleives [like your WW] that what he did is justifiable, and so tomorrow when he meets another woman he wants to have a relationship, he won't feel any qualms in repeating his justifications. Remember that even though female infidelity is catching up to male infidelity, male infidelity is higher and that means that he is the more likely one to betray her in the future. Your WW doesn't know it yet, but she has sown the seeds of her betrayal by her OM.
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Very well said my friend. I think about that all the time, I wish there were a way we could show our WS's the truth and reality, but we all know that's impossible. I really don't want to see her hurt the way I have been. Then again, who knows what tomorrow brings. Bitterness is starting to set in some days. I think I'll go get myself some lunch and enjoy the rest of the day, maybe get some pumpkins for the porch. I never did make it to work ya know. There's always time to work, right now the weather is too nice. I think I'll ride my hog!!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by joe c.: I think I'll ride my hog!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lucky dog! I am soooo jealous of you because the only 'hog' I can buy right now is one of those $200 mini motor bikes. Somehow a middle aged man like myself don't look too cool riding one of those babies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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The best part about my fatboy is WS bought it for me.
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Hi joe,
Going back to your friends,I would suggest that you just calmly but firmly tell them that you really appreciate their support and that they want to help you but that is *doesn't help you to discuss the prospect of dating,moving on and your emotions.You need to heal at your own pace and deal with the emotions in your own way and not rush it.
Infidelity is a horrible trauma that you just can't get over in a matter of days or weeks.They would not be rushing you to get over the death of a child nor should they while you mourn the loss of your marriage which legally isn't even over yet.Please tell them so that they will stop hurting you and can help the right way instead.
O
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