Just wondering ...How many people had their spouse leave their home saying they wanted to be out of the marriage. They wasn't happy. It's not about OP. ETc... But then have them come back and want to work things out.

<small>[ September 23, 2004, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: SadMarylandLady ]</small>

SML...I am equally curious about this one. My WH, supposively in this angry fog state, said that he loved me but was not "in love" with me, that he'd always have feelings of me but that he did not deserve me and didn't think he wanted to be married anymore, blah, blah, blah. It is amazing how similar everyone's WS's speeches are...did they have special training in school or something? We have been separated since May after he dropped the unexpected bomb about his affair...been trying to do everything I can to salvage our marriage with not much success. Trying to focus on myself but it is impossible to forget about him. Recently, WH has started to come out of the fog and act a bit nicer. We are not reconciled yet. He is stilling living elsewhere. But he is becoming more open to seeing me and talking with me....not sure exactly what this will lead to but I hope reconcilation and a stronger bond/marriage in the future.

Keep your chin up and show that beautiful smile. As I have been reassured, we have done NOTHING wrong. We still have our dignity and know that we stayed true to ourselves and our marriages.

Me: 28 yo faithful wife of 3.5 years.
Him: 30 yo unfaitfhul H; dropped bomb and left me May 22nd, 2004. Been in angry fog since but some of the fog seems to be lifting now. We'll see what actions follow his nicer words.

SadMarylandLady,

My H was gone for 4 months over the winter to be w/the OW & to be "free". He gave me the ILYBNILWY (I love you but not in love w/you) & told me that he thought the OW & he were a better match than him & I. She "understood" him, she "listened" to him, etc. He also told me that it wasn't what she gave him vs what I didn't. It was about how she made him "feel". I plan A'd, prayed for God to show me what I had done to drive him into the arms of an OW and He did just that. He showed me what I needed to do change myself for the better & I started to do those things & I'm now a changed woman!

My H took notice of these changes but he thought they were "fake" in order to "win him back". They weren't though & sooner or later that shows through. He began to realize that maybe I was becoming the woman he had always wanted in a W. He decided to move back home & try MC & really try to make this M work. He called the OW & told her that if he didn't call her back that night, to leave him alone b/c he was working things out w/me. Since then, he hasn't had contact w/her. He has concentrated his efforts on healing this M & helping both of us put this behind us & move forward w/a brighter future.

I want to add that he came back thinking that he would try it for a while & then we'd end up separated again & D'd. He didn't "love" me, & didn't think his feelings for me would return. It's now 7 months later & he initiates the ILYs & calls me all the time at work, on his lunch break, and spends lots of quality time w/me. He's really trying to put forth an effort & he now says that he looks at me & thinks to himself, "Now that's the woman I fell in love with!"

Folks,
I left home at one point. I came back home too late though, my W had begun an A which turned into an EA which brings me to this site. My W in turn left home at one point after our reconciliation and she did return on her own. I feel like we both wasted alot of time in our M pointing fingers and running away. Just as I told my W last night, look at us, it's been almost 20 years and where are we? We both made alot of mistakes but we have that enduring love that far out lasts infatuations, lost and fantasys of OP. Hang in there is all I can say, use the MB principles where you can. I used to LB so much that I thought/ and so did my W...WE THOUGHT it was just a part of who I was, now I hardly EVER LB. Who thought you could teach an old dog new tricks. Do you have that kind of enduring love with your spouse? I had an A but I could never totally let go of my W, she had an A and couldn't totally let go of me....a whole bunch of activity to get right back where we were! Do some soul-searching and decide what kind of R you and your spouses really have and if possible please save yourself valuable time. I wish my W never had an A, it took me 4 years to get her back both physically and mentally..but I do not regret it, the 4 years that is. I still love her. I screwed up, but she's still my favorite girl; Even if I was a big idiot for letting her go to begin with.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sincerely Yours,

FM

I'm only 2 months from D-day and my W is screaming "you pig" at me one day and saying "I still love you" the next...
But this story seems to have some relevance to what may be our future.

She keeps threatening to move away to a different state and start a new life with her A because as she's said "he has all your qualities but none of your drawbacks." She even hinted once that she might come back if she hates it, and she's told me that he's too immature for her sometimes, so I see through her threats...she might do it, but I know she'll be unhappy.

I'm making the changes I need to make for her to take me back (better with money, not being out with my band on the weekends, etc.) I have cut off all OW completely, and I'm starting to grow up and fix the insecurities that led me to my OW.

She's in no mood right now to give a hoot about any of that, though, she's still "convinced" that I will do it to her again.

I just hope that she sticks around town long enough to see the results.

dbl post opps

<small>[ September 24, 2004, 08:20 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

edited to make a new thread for VM,...no need to thread Jack.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

My H left home 3 times.

The first time was for one week.
The second time was for a little over a week.
The 3rd time we were seperated for 3 months and he was practically living with the OW.

I heard it all....it's not about the OW.....she's not even in the picture....blah blah blah....typical WS babble.

In the end...spending so much time with her was what ended their....it had nothing to do with me. It died on it's own.

<small>[ September 24, 2004, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

I asked him to move out in April, then did a modiied Plan B 6 or 7 weeks ago. (modified because I didn't tell him I would discuss a future with him, simply told him not to call me again, I was moving on).

I just rec'd an 8 page letter from him, he keeps calling all the time and leaving messages, has offered to finish some work on one of rentals, has supposedly ended it with the girl he was dating, etc, etc, etc.

He didn't call at all during the first three weeks but I just found out that he had to go get on Anti-d's he was so distraught because he knew I was very serious about moving on without him.

Don't know what will happen but it sure is nice being away from all the pain and chaos. If I could change anything about the way I handled it, it would be to have done the NC with him as soon as he moved out. Would have had a much better summer.

Yep, my FWH left last year June. He said he hadn't been in contact with the OW, but sure did act like it. And when he moved out, she was the first person he contacted.

He said it wasn't the same with her after he was out of the house.

I'm convinced he needed to move out to REALLY get her out of our lives...otherwise he would be holding onto the fantasy still...

He moved back in August last year...after missing a family vacation and a painful couple of months.

Yippee, a year in recovery (heavy sarcasm, it's not all been yippee-able)

<small>[ September 24, 2004, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: StillHereMakingIt ]</small>

We just went through this a few weeks ago. It would probably be judged a relatively short period of time by others, but it seems to have been a turning point for our relationship.

If interested:

Our saga leading up to leaving


Coming Home