I have been waiting for some time for my W to open up to me. It has been about 6 months since Dday and I believe A ended a few weeks ago. I had decided long ago to give her space knowing that she would talk to me when she was ready. I'm still waiting for her to be "ready." The question I have is what made WS open up to their BS? Was it something the BS did or said? Was it just that the WS felt ready? Thanks in advance for any comments.
CR

<small>[ September 24, 2004, 06:30 AM: Message edited by: Coasterride ]</small>

Anybody? Looking for comments from WS and/or BS!! Thanks!!
CR

Well, my WW is just starting to open up a little. I believe it has to do with the changes that I have made in myself. She sees all these things even though she has been out of the house the entire time. Changes I have made include: learning to cook, exercising enough that she can see changes, having a good attitude, knowing exactly what I want, taking care of myself, and stopping All and I mean All LB. Do not ever pressure WW to talk let them run on their own pace. You must have patience. Sometimes that is the hardest part. When you start to get impatient just work on yourself.

Always exibit confidence, it's much more attractive than being desperate or impatient. Be the pillar of confidence and strength. Show your faith, honor, integrity, care, loyalty, and love. OM could never offer her these things in a R based on deception and dishonesty. Keep in plan A my friend your almost to the next stage.

In my case, the A is still active so I'm not as far along as you are. However, my plan A has been pretty text book. I'm not pulling any punches on this round of life.

If you need some inspiration check the link in my signature. Hope this helps.

C.

My FWS craves conversation, so it was pretty easy for me. The main thing, though, is that he had to feel safe. I had to approach him as if I were 'just' a friend. You know how you can listen to a friend talk about their life, but not take it personally? I had to make it about him, not me. Also, I had to be prepared not get angry with whatever he said.

The goal of the conversation is not that you will be heard, but that your FWS will be heard. Make it about her. That's what this whole A thing has been about anyway. She will be ready to listen to you when she feels heard herself.

lurking and learning

lurking and learning

In my case, WS told me about his ONS volunatrily, but due to fear. I came home sick from work one day (about 3-4 weeks after his ONS) and he FREAKED. He was sure he gave me something (read: STD) and that was why I was sick. So, he came to the bed, sat down and confessed. I had questions, he answered them. I think it's an individual thing, communication. My WS WANTS to talk about it. He wants me to feel secure. He has guilt and remorse, but he owns his indiscretion and he knows he OWES me. If I want to collect by having him talk, he's willing to comply.

In my case,
WW admitted everything on DD when i was so worked up i woke her from a dead sleep and confronted her with info. that i learned via the internet and letting alot of people know. Since DD we have been discussing off and on. A lot of LB's on my part -
angry outburst, lack of respect to her and accomplishments and diminished conversations. I still say alot of my anger was directed to the fact that she was never around was always involved in her job or something else, i now
know what that something else was, before DD i did not. I will admit as she has pointed out
that my LB extended beyond this last past year
and i am still trying to figure out why i
treated her like that,may have been my own
depression as to way our lives where going, not
to what i had planned.
WW admits now that affair was a mistake,selfish
and she is so sorry she hurt so many people her
family included, but sometimes i feel she still
tries to justify it because of the way i was and
not meeting her EN's. Over short time i have
made a lot of changes in my self and meeting a
lot of her needs but patience is the key. Along
with counseling and focusing on the present and
future and not dwelling on the affair it seems
like it is getting better little by little.
What's the old saying can attract a lot flys with a jar of honey than with a bottle of vinegar, or something like that. Been paying more attention to her and her needs and she is meeting some of my needs but it is taking her more time.
jets