This is my worst fear right now. WW doens't want to go to MC. Says there is NC with OM (EA only, I think??). She expects me to let her go out of town with our D since she has committed to our M. I'm afraid she is telling me what I want to hear. Is there a way to tell??? Should I ask for total committment, meaning MC, NC letter by her, have her give up her cell phone, etc.???

Hi ISGirl! I dont post much anymore, but I do lurk quite a bit! We have had many false recoveries and I have learned so much from all these experiences!

Our first false recovery was 3 weeks after Dday. I knew in my heart that the WH didn't want to end it and the withdrawal was bad for the first few days. THEN, all the sudden things changed. He would never let me in. He would make excuses to go out...he was calling her from pay phones. He wouldn't call me when he was supposed to. I was on him like a hawk, but he still managed to find ways to meet her. He sent the NC letter, but 5 days later, they got back together. We even went to the MB weekened in SF. Mother's day I kicked him out again. I just couldn't take his "waffling" anymore!

This whole time we were also counceling with SH....Along the way we had about 4 false recoveries. Each time the WH grew closer to ME instead of me closer to him. His excuse the whole time was that he loved both of us and couldnt' give us both up.

The OW got pregnant and now things have changed. The last time the WH was out of the house, I was quite angry. I couldn't deal with it any longer. We are in MC and I told the MC I was going to file for D. I did go to file, but I just couldn't do it. The WH was scared. I think that is when he jolted and came back to reality.

The WH is home now and we are doing very well! WE have issues that most infidelity couples dont have to deal with, like preparing for the OC. We are still in MC and it is going very well. My H is really supportive of me now and here for me.

He is a much better father and H. We are both working on things. I have changed a lot. I dont badger him and I make this place as comfortqble as possible for him. He is working ohard on his side of things. Sometimes he slips up, but he makes up for that. slips up, I mean he goes back to his old ways pre A.

We will make it after all!

Hi Mom <waving!!!>,

I'm glad to hear things have apparently turned the good corner for you and H.

So...would you say the biggest differences between the false recovery and the true recovery were...ummmmm, H's "attitude"?

Was it his demeanor, his words, his behavior, his commitment?

What did he do differently this time that have you convinced he is sincere? And what is his attitude toward OW? Is he protective of her still, or is his attitude toward her more negative?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>

So...would you say the biggest differences between the false recovery and the true recovery were...ummmmm, H's "attitude"?

Was it his demeanor, his words, his behavior, his commitment?</strong>[QUOTE]

First let me say that we are still very early into the recovery process...and right now I have so much more going on than just this. My dad is dying and only has days/weeks left...so my main concern is my dad. That said...

I think it was all of the above that was the biggest difference. He comes home nightly, he doesn't sneak out on the weekends, he participates a lot in the family activities. He doesnt' "complain" about little things anymore. He takes what I say and applies it. For instance I vented to him last night that I felt he was a bit demanding towards me. he apologized this morning and said he would work on that. he "sees" the bad he is doing and tries to make it good. His committment is unbelievable. He really wants this to work. He really does love me and realizes what he said/did in the past few months was hogwash.

[QUOTE]<strong>What did he do differently this time that have you convinced he is sincere? And what is his attitude toward OW? Is he protective of her still, or is his attitude toward her more negative? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What did he do differently? Well, his attitude is much different. he is not saying things like "well, I dont know what I want...or...what if it doesn't work out?" he says instead "when we do this or that in our future" or he will refer to things we will do togehter years from now.

His attitude towards OW has changed a lot. At first he was protective of her, but now that has changed. We rarely talk about it, but when he does bring it up, he will always say something negative about her. Yesterday he called her a B****...that was a first!

MY attitude is different too. I do not get all worked up and question each and every thing. He sai dbefore that ws smothering him. He didn't want to come home to that. Now he likes to come home. Thsi place is safe for him. He knows that I am an amazing person and for me to accept HIS decision to have this OC in his life is HUGE! I am actually looking forward to it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

hmmmm, I didn't do that correctly, did I <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ML would be proud of that one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hi Mom,

Has your husband shown deep remorse about his affair?

Has he stated anything to the effect that he is willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to recover your marriage?

Are you planning to have any counseling or coaching to help you maneuver the rough spots?

I'm glad to see that you are in a better place.

Hugs,
Susan

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Susan:
<strong> Hi Mom,

Has your husband shown deep remorse about his affair?

Has he stated anything to the effect that he is willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to recover your marriage?

Are you planning to have any counseling or coaching to help you maneuver the rough spots?

I'm glad to see that you are in a better place.

Hugs,
Susan </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi susan! yes H has shown much remorse about what he has done. He has stated many times that he will do whatever it takes. We are very early into the stages of recovery but we are getting over much of the humps. And frankly right now, I am focusing on my last days with my dad. I am traveling two days a week to SAT to take him to the DR. H has been extremely supportive with this. I told him today that I appreceiate his support and patience with me on this and told him what a good husband he is. He responded back with what a good wife I am.

We are in MC and individual counceling. It is going well! She is wonderful! I think we might just make it this time.

The thing is, I had to change myself first. I have changed so much. I am a different person and he sees theat. He is changing too.

Hi mom

Glad to see you are recovering finally. So sad to hear about your dad. Make sure you take care of yourself during this time.

I too saw the same changes you are seeing in your H. And when you go through it you do know the difference between false recovery and real recovery. Unfortunately it takes going through it to know. My FWH was still very distant and so on during FR. But this time he talked about doing this and that with the house, and futuristic stuff too.

My H has not shown any remorse at all, but he is a model H. We got lost this weekend traveling, normally he would have been screaming and yelling obsenities, instead he just stopped we figured it out together and got on track. We actually laughed about it. We ended up in a ghetto near Philly. It was kind of weird. Anyway I am glad you are doing good, and that you are willing to accept OC into your heart. What else can you do it isn't the OC fault. I got to say you are a big woman, don't know if I could do it. God bless you and prayers to you and your family.

HINY