.

<small>[ September 24, 2004, 02:44 PM: Message edited by: FinallyLearning ]</small>

hi. I see you edited...why can't you confess?

would cause too much pain

for who?

let it out!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FinallyLearning:
<strong> would cause too much pain </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What's going on FL?

both of us. sincerely, i could deal with it, i really could. but he does not deserve that pain. too much for him. i would rather give up my life to spare him that pain.

Hey FL, without confessing to us, I have some other questions.

Are you reconciled? Are you working toward R? I assume you are the WS. I honestly think you have to relieve yourself of the guilt and come clean. You won't do anyone any favors if you keep it all in and confess down the road. Now is the time to start, honey.

we are recovering. we have come huge strides compared to what was going on prior to confession. not only that, we have been building a better relationship than we have ever had in the past. he is still dealing with a lot of hurt but he is happy we are together and working together.

If you ever do decide to confess, don't forget we are here to listen, Ok?

i don't know how to TMCM, i really don't.

i thought confessing what i already confessed was the hardest thing i will ever do. i could not even look at the horriblness of this other thing. i finally confessed it to my IC last wed. i am so sick thinking about it, i just want to block it all away.

i cannot take giving H any more pain. so maybe i was wrong when i said the pain would be too much for H, it is too much for me too.

at IC, we ended off praying for God to give me strength and guidance to the best timing. i felt better on wed after the IC, i felt empowered, like i could face this with God's help.

now i am very lost again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FinallyLearning:
<strong> i don't know how to TMCM, i really don't.

i thought confessing what i already confessed was the hardest thing i will ever do. i could not even look at the horriblness of this other thing. i finally confessed it to my IC last wed. i am so sick thinking about it, i just want to block it all away.

i cannot take giving H any more pain. so maybe i was wrong when i said the pain would be too much for H, it is too much for me too.

at IC, we ended off praying for God to give me strength and guidance to the best timing. i felt better on wed after the IC, i felt empowered, like i could face this with God's help.

now i am very lost again. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FL- I obviously don't know exactly what you are talking about. Do think about this however. If you don't confess to your H are you going to be able to go on with your marriage enthusiastically and with your whole heart? Or is your guilt going to eat you up inside? And if you feel that you are not going to be able to bear the guilt- are you not hurting your husband by the effect the guilt has on you and your marriage? Keeping something inside to "spare" your spouse won't work.

Thinking of you..sending ((((((((HUGS)))))))) and much compassion.

this was my original post...

there is some significant information that I have not told H and i do not see me ever being able to do so.

problem with confessing, it makes you want to be 100% open/honest. i once felt very good about the confessing i have done and the impact it has had on all of our lives. i confessed because i wanted to be authentic and i wanted to re-earn my status of his wife. i wanted to take ownership of my actions and be forced to deal with the consequences. i wanted to take my H out of the dark, to be fair to him, to give him an understanding as to what was really going on. it has been very painful especially because it has made me look at myself and my actions and really deep down understand just how lost i was and how terrible my actions have been. but it has also been very freeing and for a while i felt really good about myself, i am taking responsiblity for what i have done, i am making ammends. our relationship has been transformed quite a bit.

but as days go by and the "healthier" i become the harder the realization of what i have done hits me.

but worse than that, it the realization of what i am STILL doing since i did not disclose ALL information.

but i truely believe, disclosing this information would be more painful for my H to deal with than divorcing him would be.

both alternatives are terrible. i don't know what to do.

FL... (aka JL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )...

I'm not sure of what this whole "confession" thingy is about...just wanted to let you know we are here for ya! And, yeah, you did the best thing: Leave it in the Lord's hands.

sadfww, you are absolutely right. i have hit a wall this week by forcing myself to accept how wrong it is that H does not know all.

and this problem will not go away, and it will only cause damange to the marriage now.

but i still don't see how i can possible tell him this information.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FinallyLearning:
<strong> sadfww, you are absolutely right. i have hit a wall this week by forcing myself to accept how wrong it is that H does not know all.

and this problem will not go away, and it will only cause damange to the marriage now.

but i still don't see how i can possible tell him this information. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FL- I pray that God leads you to finding the right way- and the right time to talk with your H. I pray that he will help heal your marriage and your hearts. I wish I had some advice or answers...just do know that you have our support.

...and FL...I'm sending you all the love and support I can, cause that's all I got for you....

Please God, guide FL to the best course of action for her marriage and her soul.

oh....Wow, you answer quickly! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I suppose it would all depend on the "significant information". Ommission is not the truth. But, at the very least, I can understand where you are coming from. I think it's best for both of you to know disclose and know the full truth. However, we are not in your shoes.

Gotta go get ready for work. I'll respond later. Keep your head up, FL! (And remember: God loves you--no matter what!)

(edited for double negative!)

<small>[ September 24, 2004, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but i still don't see how i can possible tell him this information. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FL, no matter how long you wait, how long you torture yourself, how long you think on it, the answer to your question will not become any easier. You are simply going to have to open your mouth, let the words come out, and have faith that you and your H can get through it all - together.

AND, the longer you wait, the harder it will be for 1)you to be 100% open and honest with H, and 2)him to accept what you tell him.

100% is the only way to go, girl. If you continue making your decisions out of fear, you will keep ending up with the same results.

We all love you and support you. You can do this.

SS

if it will help to talk to someone completely anonymous and also a FWW....

sacred_rain@yahoo.com


'cause you just never know....


Dylan

~~~