How do you deal with the pain when its all in your face....when your ww/wh dosent care to even hide it from you.

I waited for a while, because I was hoping one of the more experienced people would answer.

The pain is so constant, that sometimes I have to force myself into an activity just to occupy my mind. I think busy is better. When H is gone (and probably with her) I go out and do something. I do not sit and wait any more. Go for a walk - join a gym - weed the flower bed (even if you live in an apartment)- listen to happy music, and dance if necessary. Huey Lewis seems to sing only happy songs. Make a CD of songs that make you happy, and play it at these times. Go to the office supply store. (I just love office supplies, aren't they fun? And I can usually find something I really need that is very inexpensive like brightly colored pencils, or sticky note pads with funny stuff written on them, or a new black pen.) Treat yourself to dessert. (Not too often, though) Go play a video game. Like at the mall, or a pizza place. Somewhere that is noisy and active. Go to the public library and get a library card. Take piano lessons, or painting lessons or get a guitar and start teaching yourself some chords. Join a softball league. If you don't have a church, start visiting some. Even on weeknights. If you're a guy, go to the home improvement store. There's always someone to talk to, and lots of neat tools and gadgets to think about. Everybody needs a screwdriver or one more cordless drill, don't they? Make a Christmas wish list for yourself. Make a Christmas list for all the people you usually buy gifts for, and start looking for those items on sale. Think of the oldest person you know and go visit them. It will brighten both of you right up. Take your car to the car wash and do it yourself. Go to the nearest card shop and read ALL the funny cards. Then buy some to send to other people when they are down. I find that things I do for others makes me happy, too. Bake your neighbor a pie. (Yes, even if you are a guy) If it looks and tastes awful, you'll both have something to laugh about. Go sit by a river or a pond and watch the wind move the water. Float a leaf down the river and watch it until it is out of sight. If there is a place you can go watch children playing in a playground, try that. They bring smiles and happiness every time. If your are a guy, though, don't do it too often or too obviously. Someone will think you are a pervert. Sorry. Go to the pet shop and look at the different kinds of dogs and cats. (Or go to the shelter and adopt one (even better if your WS is allergic!!) Look through the Sunday newspaper and go on an imaginary shopping spree. If money was no object, what would you buy? Make a list of all the places you would like to go when you retire.

I like to visit the MB site at these times.
Anti Depressants help, too.

for me:

part is acceptance that WW is her own person. You can't change that.

part is prayer. praying for strength for myself, but also finding I'm praying for strength for WW to fight through this

part is enjoying the times she is in a good mood and trying to be around her

part is staying away from her when she is in a funk

part is lots of tears

Well, for me it has been the easiest when my WH was gone,out of the house.I felt infinitely better.

Like now.My WH has been still living here at the home until we D(or he gets a job and moves away,which ever comes first) which in itself has been pure he** but the worst is with him going around whistling,acting so perky and happy that he could be a stand in for Barney the dinosaur! I am glad it is so easy for him to destroy my life and then go around acting like nothing is going wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So,when he left today for 5 days,I rejoiced! Of course,AD's helped me a lot too.

O

It was easier for me after he moved out too. It was very easy after I ended all contact with him.

The anti-depressants helped immensely.

Justa - I also walked around the house repeatedly asking the Lord to take away my pain. Like TDVA I prayed constantly and when I ran out of things to say I memorized bible versus's and recited them in my head. This is probably what brought me the most peace on many, many terribly painful days.

Thank you all

Starz-
good suggestions

TD
- i hear ya...lots of tears in the shower

Oct.
- BINGO....i could have written the same reply and just switched H for ww. Right now she is out and im ok....my anxiety level rises as i hear the garage door open.

Ad also help but i dont want to rely on those too much.

Thanks

Hi Just A Husband,

I too ask that question. In fact my topic is "how much more pain". I confronted WW on July 27 this year and everyday since has been painful, some days were better than others, but most of the time I feel a sharp hot knife tearing my heart and guts. I think starz came up trumps. some of her suggestions were so funny she did manage to help me with today's dose of pain. I think the most important thing that is helping me deal with the pain is my faith, because with Him on my side I feel quite capable of facing anything. Finding this site and the help that all these wonderful people give is priceless, I am adding TVDA's succinct tips in my arsenal against the pain.
I'm sorry but I cannot offer you anymore other than saying that you are not alone.

JAH - You haven't noticed? I'm a smartass. That's how I cope. I don't do it directly to dh...

I also painted something in my house slut red (aka- do me red), um, KEEP BUSY...make yourself look for happy funny things (like, have you ever noticed that Rocky Mountian and Silverlake jeans make everyone's butts look like horse's asses? Or how about have you ever NOT seen a Curves in a strip mall that DIDN'T have a Chinese/taco/pizza place in it?). Have you noticed the flecks of green/brown/or yellow in your kid's eyes? How high can you swing at the park? Um....how good can you make a sand castle...or better yet, how big a bubble can you blow w/out it popping (btw - I stand by that peanut butter'll take it out of hair)?

I swear...the abject grief is there, but it's not so abject if you find GOOD that's been provided.

Oh yeah. Watch Blue Collar TV and TRY not to laugh or TRY not to see someone from your work - or worse, from your family in some of those characters! That PC storytime'll make you wet your pants.

- Kimmy

kimmy

thanks....you made me smile today.....thats rare these days.