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#1189678 09/25/04 08:08 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 22
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 22
Well he has moved her in with him now. I have put up with hell for 5 months with him, and after 26 years together, a woman who is my same age, divorced 10 years without a date and 2 twenty year kids, he choose her after working with her for less then three years. I am so angry and hurt. He agreed to work on one week of reconcilliation with me, and then because I said after a week, call me when you cut it off with her, he blamed me for making him doing it and tells me he is happier with her. I don't know what to do, because he said he still loves me, but loves her too. He caused such a mess when he took up with her in April that he had to leave and return to where we live, and got an apartment. He was a supervisor in a thrift store where she worked, and all the other employees are so angry at him they have told him to get lost. She was fired and he had already quit a month before, but went back to be with her. I worked plan A for 4 months and then put a boundary up and he bolted again. Our married daughters have told him they don't want him in their lives now and he can't see the 4 grandsons. I have not spoke to him since mid August when he told me he was moving her in and he didn't need to inform me, because he has broken it off with me. This was all after he wasn't going to walk away from 26 years together. I have strong feelings for him of love and hate. He told me he sitll loves me but feels happy with her. I am just leaving him to his mess and will wait to see if he comes to his senses. Love and hate share a very fine line when you have been so betrayed. This is the second time he has cheated. I believe I am worth more than this. Some advise would be helpful.Most everyone tells me to just go on and forget him. They tell me I have lots to offer someone else so look for another. This sounds bizare to me, after 26 years of marriage.

#1189679 09/25/04 10:03 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
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Plan B is probably overdue, and I would suggest that you consider implementing it ASAP. There's no guarantee that even with Plan B you will be able to save and rebuild your marriage but if you continue with Plan A, you will opt for divorce more sooner than later. What's wrong with that? Well the problem with divorcing your WH when you still have plenty of love left for him is that a legal piece of paper will not change your feelings for him and if you ever find a man who will truly love you and want to commit to you in marriage, it would be unfair to him if you still carried a torch for your undeserving XWH, wouldn't it? That's why Plan B other advantage is that by no longer having contact with your WH you will eventually reach a point where you will have purged all feelings of love for him and you will finally be able to move on with you life without carrying the extra baggage of left over love for him. Beleive it or not, you do have the power to chose NOT TO live in a marriage like the present one but its up to you to want to exercise that power.

#1189680 09/25/04 10:07 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
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