Hey guys, I just went out to lunch with my XW. I found out some interesting stuff. For those who believe in reaping what you sow/karma listen to this. For one thing, OP cheated on my WW just like I had said he would months ago based on the kind of guy he is. OP also has gone broke, is losing his house, had to sell everything, is moving in with his mom, and his friends won't even talk to him anymore. LOL! Too funny! If that isn't justice I don't know what is. I didn't even have to lift a finger either!

Getting back to my XW and I, we had a nice time talking. She was pure sweetness to me and pinned a "I am loved" pin on my chest. She put her hand on my shoulder a few times and smiled at me a lot. She told me that the first thing she is putting on her wall in her new place is our wedding picture! She also invited me to check out her place this coming week and hang out. I felt no anger when around her even when we talked of OP. I let her bring all of that stuff up. Things went well. She looks at me right in the eyes with adoration just like she used to. She kept saying how nice it is to see me etc. When she left she got out oof her car and gave me a nice hug goodbye.

I hope this gives some of you other men hope in your situations. If you remeber, she was completely cruel to me when this all started.

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: juke1225 ]</small>

Wow.

Good for you juke! What a turn of events huh? I am so glad.It's nice to hear positive stories once in a while.And it's just super that the OP got what he deserved! Love it! Hope all goes well from now on.

O

Go slow....

let her earn your trust....

be kind and interested....

be a great listener....


MOST OF ALL... do not be 100% available to her right away .... for awhile ---> turn down some of her invitations to get together... because you "unfortunately already made other plans"..." perhaps another time?"

Oh woe is me.... poor OM.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

Juke - Great news! Why wouldn't she love you? Now comes the hard part. Right now you are relieved, but next comes the doubt. Better start posting on the Recovery Board.

Remember, for reconciliation, she's gonna have to come to some hard self-realizations about her choices. She's gonna have to acknowledge her weaknesses and discuss what she's doing to change herself.

It is not enough that she tells you she loves you (although that is one hell-of-a start!).

She needs to have a new respect for what a committed marriage means...

Like I said... proceed slowly.... eyes and ears open... flattery toward you is nice, but...

She needs a humble heart about her own poor choices....

It is not enough for her to discuss what a schmuck OM is.... she was equal to him in her decision to become involved in an affair.

Lots of discussions about self-respect... respect for marriage vows... joint responsibility for the happiness of the marriage .... what are good options when one is not happy about where the marriage is headed ... etc.
Pep

I'm so happy for you J. It sounds like things are really looking up for you...

One point of advice, if the OM was cheating on you XW, make sure she gets tested before anything happens between you two. You have to protect yourself not only mentally for what this brings.

That is great news and I second Pep's advice to you.

Your XW learned a bitter lesson that what he does WITH you, he can do TO you [betrayal breeds betrayal]. Hopefully she will take this lesson and never again repeat her bad choices.

Awesome news Juke...your story does give me hope although my WH has failed to return e-mails/calls the past couple days. Guess he is back in the fog...I am starting to wonder what he really wants again....ugh. Anyways, I am very happy to see the positive stories on this message board. It keeps me sane in this very insane time.

-K

YES, Yes, yes... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> .....Positive news is always welcome.

I'm Sure that the Difference in the way you are Feeling Right NOW, as compared to just a few weeks ago..........IS Priceless!!

I like Pepperband's advice to you (and I hope you strongly consider it).

That being:
Let your W Pursue YOU for a Change.
Yes, always be kind, considerate and a soft place to fall.

Just let her do (at least some) of the Chasing.

If you seem too desperate or TOO Available, she may begin to take you for granted again (even if subconsciously).
This is very possible as this IS the Pattern the 2 of you have.

The Goal for you NOW is to Break the Old BAD habits and routines and begin to Replace them with more positive and effective ones.

SO happy for you guy.
OK, you need to stop smiling so much or your face might crack. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (he, he)

Enjoy the rainbow after the Storm.
& Keep the good news coming!
later

How's about an update there bub? It's been over 24 hours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I for one am anxious to hear everything is still on the up and up.

O

Octobergirl- There isn't really any update right now. She is busy moving the last of her things and getting furniture etc. She is going to have me over to hang out at her new place this week and we will go from there. Her new place is at our old apartment complex where we share nothing but good memories. She says being there reminds her of the good times we had together and that is a good thing. The only thing I worry about is her dealing with her own guilt, but she seems to be doing better in that sense. Taking it slow should turn out well. Keep me in your prayers. I will update after I talk with her again.

Hey Juke, I just wanted to send my prayers and support. I have been reading your postings and it is wonderful and funny how life turns out sometimes. Just when we think things are so hopeless, something wonderful happens. Because you have played it so calm and collected, you will benefit because you are the safe place for WS. You are mature beyond your years and however this ends up, you will make some lady out there very happy....hope WS recognizes that before it is too late.

Stay strong and take it slow...I'm pulling for you.

A true inspiration to all of us here. Funny how things can turn around. I am so happy for you. There is already some good advice here so I won't butt in too much. You've been here a while, you know what you have to do. Best wishes to you and your M...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by juke1225:
The only thing I worry about is her dealing with her own guilt...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Juke, great to read some positive posts from you!

Pep, once again, comes through with the great words of wisdom! Maybe saying it a little differently.

Listen to her...she's got a lot--a ton of guilt she's got to work through. Let her.

BUt don't forget about who the person is that you are and you've become. (I don't necessarily like putting it this way), but, don't forget, she's the one that has everything to lose again--YOU. Just be careful--I want to keep reading "good" posts from you!!!