LINY, you write "humour" the English way.

'fess up. How English are you?

Out of the FOG...COMPLETELY!

(kiwi 1 LINY 1)

(Actually, had a teacher in my freshman year of HS who I became very fond of and greatly respected--he was English. Even put the dashes in my "7"s and "z"s!--I am actually very IRISH. Who wuda thunk it?)

::He says that would be a great trade, his wife for a Harley.

I love it. 'course, he would still owe you something on the deal...

I've got my heart set on a used softail.

Yup, fog clearance is cool.

I think I knew you had an Irish background. We (over a certain age) say "zed" instead of "zee" (for Z) but I've noticed our kids are all saying "zee". You have NO idea how much American culture influences us down here "down under".

Jen

You mean, a house made of concrete, rather than mud? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

(Couldn't resist! G'nite!)

Thos - No it would be a gift. I feel worse for OW's husband than I do for me. He was defending our country in Iraq when the A started. He came back to no wife, no job, and has a 12 year old daughter that his wife has abandoned.

Believer,

Sorry, no disrespect to OW's H intended. What I meant was a used Harley sounds like it's worth a lot more, and more dependable, than her.

Thos - You got that right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Believer,

FWIW I think you're doing the right thing.

I feel sorry for your WH. He's written some things to you that suggest he thinks you haven't given him a fair chance. I remember something that sounded like he didn't even grasp the basic fact that he needed to abandon his A to have a relationship with you.

But how can he not know what the right thing to do is? I guess when something goes on for this long, the perspective is just so drastically changed...

Anyway, bless your great big heart. Night,

GC

Thanks for all the input everyone. I know my husband so well that I can predict what his next move will be.

He will do nothing this weekend when he could come over and get all of this done. Then Monday, the deadline, he will call me at work, and give me another line of BS.

Believer,

You have been a great encouragement to so many people here.

You listen and you care.

I know you are hurt and discouraged and frustrated, and I think maybe it is your turn for some encouragement.

As I understand it, you never did get a chance to plan A. You husband left and you went straight to plan B.

Kind of giving up without a fight, as I see it.

Maybe this is a time for you to begin to do plan A. To open the doors to communicate with him, to listen and understand and be conciliatory, to meet him where he is .

I hear so much anger toward him in your posts.

One of the MB tenets that I agree with is the need to forgive our spouses.
And I wonder if you have really forgiven him from the heart.

It is a starting place.

It may be that he is unhappy and wants to be with you but needs help to extricate himself from the affair, as I have heard from other WS can be difficult.

Maybe he needs to hear that you care about him, want him and are open to starting over.

You said you don't need him anymore. Good.

I don't 'need' my husband either. I am depending on God to meet my needs.

Which is what frees us to choose to love them, expecting nothing in return.

And maybe he needs you to love him...

Plan A.

Shul

(Feel free to tell me off if you want. Whatever you may think, I am on your side. Both your sides.)

Shul -

I am always quite friendly when I talk to husband. My big problem now is the financial thing. It's killing me.

I have two sons in college that are also working. But I still have to contribute to their household, plus take care of all the bills for the one I am living in.

I started a business, work full-time, and took in a roommate. Still I live from paycheck to paycheck.

WH still is in his little fantasy world blowing money, not working, not doing anything.

The thing is I don't want him back. I hope he has a nice life, but that is it. It is time for a divorce or financial settlement. At this point I don't care which one.

{{{Believer}}} ,

I hear you about the money thing.

And it isn't fair.

I struggled with this too, until I decided to forgive him and to take on the debts. I think of it as an act of love.

For me its a case of 'seeking first'...and trusting God to supply.

I think my H is surprised that I haven't demanded money from him. One day he will be back in his right mind, so I have been doing my best to keep from losing everything he worked so hard for all these years. He also has seen that God has provided- it has been a witness to Gods faithfulness.

Anyway, I hope you can find a way to reach an amicable agreement in this.

I guess what I want to say is even though you feel this way right now, your feelings toward him might change, and not to act in anger.

Shul

Well folks, I was wrong. I thought my WH would go by past actions, and not come over to deal with this on the weekend. I thought he would call me at work, and give me another line.

However he completely ignored the ultimatum. So now I have to continue on, take off work tomorrow and post the D in the paper. It is irritating to me because I have already spent money on 2 attorneys, seperation agreements, mediation agreements and on and on.

Now since my 56 year old husband wants to hide out, it is going to cost more money. I have no address for him, and no way to contact him except by cell phone, which he never answers.

He would come out much better financially to sign the agreement, because I am asking for very little. But I think he wants me to divorce him so that he can tell everyone that it was not his fault. So be it.

Hi Believer

Just getting back on the boards since I went to Plan B yesterday (yeah!!!).

He is a classic cake-eating conflict avoider who has trashed your life. How could he tell anyone the D was your fault??? Oh, the absolute thickness of his fog just plain pisses me off!

How could he lose such an awesome chick such as yourself?

Some states consider D expenses a part of the M debt, which means he has to cough up half even if he doesn't show. Those bikes are M property, and will be divided.

When you finally rid yourself of him, can you post a new pic of you and a new hottie on one of your bikes?

WAID -

Yep will send picture. But sheesh, I don't even know how to drive one of those bikes. Maybe I need to take a class!

Make sure your new hottie friend teaches you!
(((((Believer))))))

WAID - I'm not gonna count my chickens before they hatch, but feel like I will do much better than I am doing financially now.

Cool... you know I'm just trying to cheer you up with the new man stuff, right? You will need to heal yourself first, of course. You've been on the D boards and hear the stories. YUCK! The real dating world will be a pain in the [censored]!

Question for you, too...how long does it take to do the D via the paper? I've heard about this, kinda weird, huh? It just proves AGAIN that he is an utter foghead.