<small>[ November 22, 2004, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

joe c. ,

What separate us from WS is taking the steps to let OP fillin our needs.

A is all about unfullfill ENs, let OP fillin it and spend time to cultivate it w/ OP.

Don't cross that line ... you know it and you try to justify/rationalize it (symptoms of in the Fog).

-rh-

joe,

Dude, slow down there. I had the same experience but I took it "all the way" so to speak.

When the spouse is indifferent and distant for a long period of time it is easy to let our guard down. It feels so good to have someone pay attention, show interest or just talk to us. You are vunerable right now and you're walking down a steep, icy slope so be careful.

Short answer, this is probably really close to what your WS felt before her A started.

God Bless

Doug

Careful there, oh buddy oh pal!

I imagine it did feel very good, after all the pain and rejection. And atleast your not sitting home suicidel, however you certainly don't need any more complications in your life.

And you don't want to hurt an innocent girl, you are still married and the outcome of your marriage is still unknown.

But I do understand - damn infidelity and all it's destruction.

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

No need to get down on yourself Joe.

You could tell her when she calls, that you would love to take her out when and if you become divorced, but to protect her, yourself and the chance your marriage might still have you cannot get involved right now.

Yeah...I think I'll go out and purcase a new pillow today. And maybe cover it with the nicest pillow case ever...hahaha!

Whew, Joe, you dodged the bullet this time. Sounds like you will be just fine.

And now you have the answer to the question that all BS's ask. Will I ever be attractive to anyone again?

joe c. ,

Yeah ... get that 1000 counts ... hmmm, it feels like being pampered everyday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

In answer to your question: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Question? Am I feeling the same sort of feelings a WS might feel when caught uo in all this crap? Am I now in a fog? Or at least the start of one? I know that these feelings made me forget my WS for a time, is this what they feel. And if it is, what on earth brings them back, because I must tell you, I feel good right now. Guyilty yes, of what I'm not sure, but definitely good. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes...that would sum it up pretty much. Don't mean to justify it...but just answer your question.

People can split hairs all day long about the differences between 'feelings of love' and 'fog' etc, etc. But regardless of what you what labels you want to put on "it", the "feeling" can be quite intoxicating...seductive...addictive.

And it doesn't have to be about 'sexual lust' either.

Some people just find the off switch sooner than others and are able to apply the brakes. Or maybe I should say are diciplined enough to apply the brakes. But depending on one's vulnerability will determine how strong they are to do just that.

And yes, I'm sure alcohol can make one weaker at the moment. But no one doubts that incredible human need we all have to be loved...and even more important ...desired.

You may want to consider conveying to your woman friend that you value marriage as an institution and the last thing you want is to do exactly what your WW has done and have her become the OW. Furthermore, it is an invitation to disaster when you still have plenty of love left for your WW, and it would be extremely unfair to drag her into the emotional ordeal you are going through just because at this moment you are lonely and hungry for the love of a woman. If she is a good woman she will respect and value you more for being a man of principle.

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

First--DON'T DRINK adn go out to make yourself vulnerable...then you may very well avoid another situation like this.

When I had my A, as with most bad decisions I've made in my life, I was drinking. I came to the realization that I can't anymore. Hard as that is, giving up something that I really really really like, it's what needed to be done.

You're gonna complicate the situation even more if you don't STOP the start NOW.

Be strong. Remember, God is with you, if you allow Him to be. He can help you accomplish anything, no matter the magnitude of difficulty.

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 04:23 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>