I'm just wondering what I'm going through right now and could anyone else who's been there enlighten me.

All my married life and even b4...my H would let me know if the skirt was too short, shirt too tight, that I looked too sexy and etc. I used to think that it was cute, H was jealous of me, not wanting others to take notice. I would change and save the short, tight stuff for the bedroom...

But since about a month after dday. I've been dressing very stylish and pretty. (Nothing revealing or anything just very put together) H says oh is this the new you? Trying to attract others? Putting yourself out there?

I really didn't think so, I do like some of the attention I'm getting (from H)...but actually hate when a man walking with another women or driving by looks at me, makes me feel like he's a cake man too.

I just started to think that all these years I thought H knew best. He loved me and wanted the best for me & us, but now, I don't think he knows what he's talking about. Those "cute acts" were really trying to control me, he would be one sitting with me or walking with me...and looking at others....he's the selfish cakeman

H wants to know is this type of dressing the "anti H" and I said no it's the "Pro Me” Not letting others tell me how to dress, act or respond to things.

In our arguments I have mentioned that I'm the one more vulnerable to have an affair now. I also told him how nice it is to know that he would be able to forgive and forget so quickly if it were me and how things could just go back as usual.

I guess with saying those things and taking better care of my health and appearance I can see where he's getting these thoughts.

Sometimes I wonder how I let myself get to this place. I wish I was self assured, had great self esteem and was confident.

I stopped going to IC because it felt like he wanted to go on the next golfing trip with H and his friends.
He also said that if I would have expected this to happen it wouldn't have hurt so much. Sh$t is that all, expect to be betrayed and it won't hurt. Everyone should marry and assume that someone will stray...just grow up and get over it.

Anyway, enough...Sorry if I bored anyone with my issues. I just hope I'm moving in the right direction.

Yep, you are moving in the right direction. It is good to stand up for yourself and do things that increase your self-esteem.

However, you should not be arguing with your husband about these things. When he mentions something, just tell him that you are sorry he feels that way.

Thanks Believer. You've been there for me since the beginning of this rollercoaster.

I will try not to argue about things. I'm really doing these things for me not against him. Self preservation.

I would just keep dressing nice and being pleasant. He may feel guilty and really be afraid that you are looking for someone else. Sometimes it is hard for them to face the consequences of their decisions.

Thanks again believer. I will...keep on moving on.

Do you know of any book that I could give my H as ways to make this up to me? Like a list of what to do and what not to do. How to make your BS feel better about herself and your M. I try and tell him what I need but he doesn't want to hear it. Thinks that he has suffered enough from his actions and I should get over it. Get back to the way we were.

Has your H read any of Dr Willard Harley's books?

my H was surprised that I wanted to see a MC. He doesn't think we have any marriage problems. Just a stupid mistake he made. he even raised an eyebrow over me seeing IC, says it could have been worse, I could have told you I've been seeing someone for 6 months.....btw, that's what my IC told me too.

I don't believe i've read any Willard Harley's books but do tell, which ones will enlighten him? I hope they are thick so if they hit him in the head he'll feel as if that 2x4 hit him.

RE

Regards...Hi!...see things aren't going to well...just wanted to add an observation..."Pro-regards"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now, I'm still working through all of this bullsh!t in my M and trying to grow flowers out of it, so, I'm not sure how much validity there is to it. (And this is something that I haven't expressed to brown yet, so this is as much for her as it is an observation to you.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Those "cute acts" were really trying to control me...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Self preservation.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I've realized is what he (I) said about the whole "controlling" thing is him trying to use reverse psychology on himself. He is in a non-controlling situation (issue) that he really has no control over, and turns it around and places the blame--the "control" issue--over on your shoulders. Warped. But I think speaking from experince, this is what is happening.

He needs to really start listening and "get over himself." Take a good look at where he is in life--and just as important, where he is with his R and you.

FamilyMatters keeps repeating to himself: Do I want to be right, or be M? It's a great question.

Best wishes to you, reagrds!

LINY, thanks for your insight. I guess if I have to answer the FM question it would be I rather be married.

I love my H very much I guess I'm having some problems coping with this issue. H seems to think it's over, it'll never happen again....blah,blah,blah. but I guess his actions of not saying he will not go on the next golf trip and writing those damn notes are making it harder for me to "get over it"
RE

Regards, if your new more independent, attractive you makes you feel GOOD, then its right.

If your WH is a man who wants to keep his W looking a certain way then he has issues.

I WILL say though that WS think everyone is having an A because they are.

My FWW told me today that I am "absolutely gorgeous" now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

She told me how jealous she was when I dressed to impress when I went uptown with the boys last week.

heh heh. Plan A plu sthe infidelity diet PLUS the constant offline support of my friend Gimble has made me into a catch even my FWW couldnt resist ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You do the same girl, and be happy !

They notice even in FOG they notice.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bob Pure:

I WILL say though that WS think everyone is having an A because they are.

Well BP it's rather timely you wrote that quote. Today my H stated (and I don't know where he gets his info) but that cheating and having affairs are more accepted in Europe.

He just knows how to open a healing wound.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


I'll just keep doing what's good for me and he'll have to realize what a good catch he almost lost...

You do the same girl, and be happy !

Thanks I needed that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />