This afternoon I sat with my husband whilst he looked at underwear and swimwear adds for men online. Maybe Im being paranoid but when he does this kind of think I find it dreadfully hurtful.

My problem is that when I express my hurt to him ( I didnt even bother today) he says that I just want him to be like a little puppy dog, totally under my control.

I am unsure what to do. i do know that the correct thing is to express my hurt.I am always careful to express it properly by saying that I am hurt because of ...rather than accusing him of hurting me.

I remember him blowing up at me in the last few months, and again accusing me fo trying to control him, when I expressed hurt. I later talked to him and explained to him that I was not trying to control him but simply telling him how this made me feel so that he would know and understand.

The question is: Do I stop expressing my hurt in order to avoid his feeling that Im trying to control him, or do i continue to express it so that he knows my feelings?

I also want to add that I am not constantly expressing hurt, but occasionally I feel the need to. I try to always find the positive in him and to show appreciation for him and the nice things <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Debbra,

I'm not sure how to respond right at the moment.I think I remember posting to you WAY back when your situation seemed too complex for us regulars here.

Well,what I hear your WH saying is that because you don't approve of his viewing of men online,that he can not feel comfortable and have fun doing something he likes.Yes it may hurt you but it's fun for him,he gets some payoff for it especially if he is spending hours on the comp looking specifically for men's attire(or just pics of men in general) and not other things.That anyone could understand and it has been a common problem with couples.When you spend hours upon hours looking at the opposite sex on the comp instead of spending quality time with your spouse,something is not right.

Of course,I don't know how often your WH does this.Do you think it is a serious issue? Deflecting your concerns as being controlling on him is guilt.

Remember POJA? Does WH know about this?

O

<small>[ September 26, 2004, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>