a couple mos ago I discovered my W had affair w/ a former coworker. confronted her and it has been broken off. she says she wants things to be better but it seems like she doesnt want to put much effort into change(for both of us) one of her complaints is we M young and have been M for 15 years, is she "missed out" on being single etc. I read alot of promising books but they dont deal with a W that doesnt know if she wants a family. I am trying to meet the needs. and keeping my head high, inside Im not doing well. also have 5 yr old to complicate things

<small>[ September 26, 2004, 09:21 PM: Message edited by: cj132 ]</small>

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances.

Your wife may still be in denial, and not willing to work very hard on the marriage right now. Does she have no contact with other man?

Have you checked out the emotional needs questionnaire here? See if you can start filling her top emotional needs. Usually when a woman has an affair, it is about emotional needs.

^bump^

How about an update cj?

O

Well? over the last several months I asked WW to leave since she did not know if she wanted to be M anymore, along with her making excuses at my expense I could not keep going like nothing happened

She was out living with her mother and wanted to come back because she missed the house and family . She came home a 1 1/2 mos later.

We talked about the MB weekend but she made an excuse not to go,even though it was promising she kind of wanted to go. Since we did not go it is back to the same mental torture as before and she doesnt ever want to talk about fixing things

I do almost everything around the house and definately feel taken for granted. After a phone call from OM my patience is almost gone. She said all contact was gone before the call. I think the plan A needs to be enforced

Now I am trying to fufill the needs but I can barely smile at home when shes around especially when my needs have been ignored for so long

cj, is the affair still going on? When was her last contact with the OM? Who is the OM?

I can relate to feeling taken for granted. I'm tending the house , 4 children and expected to pay the bills with what I'm given.

I have to ask for money and I'm made to feel guilty for wanting a break since I don't work and just go to school full-time. ( I'm in second to last semester of pre-nursing at 6 classes a week) Yet I'm not suppose to feel pressure from the kids or house as it's my job.

Sorry had to vent. If I thought that the affair was still going on...i don't think I could mentally handle anymore. i'd just want to check out.
Hope you find some peace if just for the weekend
take care
Lori