I am to the point of not knowing what to do, I am so confused any help would be appreciated. I met my husband in 94, we have two girls ages 8 and 5. We have always been a very affectionate couple, he can't keep his hands off of me and I love that. Now for the but... Four years ago I found emails between my husband and a women he was in the National Guard with. It was a huge slap in the face, the emails led me to believe that he had cheated, I never saw it coming. Of course he denied it and tried to lie his way out until I showed him the emails, then his story changed and he said they just flirted on the web and it went no further. I gave him the choice between a divorce lawyer and a marriage consoler. He picked the consoling and I figured we would go in and she would be able to tell if he was lying or not. Well it doesn't work that way. We stayed together but I can't seem to forgive and forget. I am still not sure if anything happened or not. March of last year he was deployed with the Army, before he left I asked if he wanted an open marriage for that year. He looked at me like I was crazy and said no, he got really serious and told me that I was the only women for him and he has never and would never betray me. That sounds good but words are cheap, I don't seem to be able to trust him. I guess that does sound like a crazy thing to ask your husband but I would much rather know than not know if he is getting sex somewhere else. He came home this past April and we started to work on becoming a family again. Things aren't going well, he doesn't chase me anymore and he now smokes and seems to be addicted to porn. I was trying to be calm and patient and give it time. Then he signed up for a five week course with the Guard and he left in August, I felt it was to soon for him to go away and I took it personal. He is due to come home this Friday and I am dreading the idea of it. He lies about trying to quit smoking, he lies about the porn which is affecting our sex life, how do I tell if he has had an affair or not if I can't believe him? This is turning me into someone I don't even know. I really don't want my marriage to be over but I think I am destroying it by over obsessing. I just don't know what to think or believe anymore. Advice please!!!!
