This is my first post to this site, but not my first visit. I discovered in June/04 that my husband of 22 yrs had been having an affair with ow beginning 9/03 as emails and phone calls then progressing to PA in 02/04. I, like most of you on this site never thought this would ever happen to me. I discovered this site the day I found out about A and must thank Dr. Hartley for his information because I really think if I hadn't read his information I would have thrown my husband out that day. My husband severed all contact with OW on that day after he and I read the information together and I have to admint that he does seem truly remorseful. My question is should I tell OW's husband about their affair because he still doesn't know. I haven't told anyone about the affair other than my Dr and MC because it really isn't anybody else's business. I really want to work this out with my husband and don't want the kids to think differently about their father if they find out about affair. Would telling the OW's spouse now just create more friction and seem vindictive? Knowing the pain this causes also make me pause and think do I really want to see someone else suffer like this. Not really. But doesn't he have the right to make a decision about his marriage with her?

Do you wish someone had told you? If the answer is yes, then I think you should tell him. I hate how we suffer and the OW seem to get off clean and easy.

Would you tell your neighbor if you knew his bookkeeper was embezzling money from him? Well, it is the same principle here and I have always been confused why people don't see this when it comes to adultery. When someone is being destroyed behind their back, of course we should warn them.

Yes, he should be told so he can have the same opportunity to save his marriage that you had. He has a right to know what is going on in his own life so he can protect himself and his children from his W. Telling him would be the compassionate and decent thing to do. It will also help ensure that the affair does not resume with 2 people watching from both sides.

<small>[ September 26, 2004, 10:45 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>