I posted this on another board. Another poster suggested I post here also. Thanks!

Hello! Though this is my first post, I'm not new to this site. I've been reading this site for six months now. Just started lurking the boards a month ago.

I'm afraid my husbands involved with an EA. It's a strong suspecion but I have not actual proof. My husband has been growing distant to me. It urks him to no end to carry on a conversation with me. He acts like I'm a child and scolds me often in front of others. Like he does our sons. When he comes home from work he changes, eats supper and sits in front of the tv for the rest of the night. It wasn't as bad over the summer. Since the new season has started he doesn't want me to interupt his tv schedule.

Yesterday I was looking for my ils new cell number on his cell phone. I picked it up and looked in the recent call list. There I saw this girls number he works with had called. I didn't think much of it so I set the phone down and went to my desk to pick up a pen and paper. In the mean time he picked up the cell. He handed it to me and after I wrote down ils cell I looked back at the received call list and he had deleted her number.

I've asked him about my feelings he's having an affair. He told me that he was tired of hearing about it. This is the second time I've asked. The first time I asked jokingly. He had such a strange reaction to me asking. So I descided to ask him again and he was mean about it. He told me they talk alot and to get over it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not here saying poor pittiful me. I want to know what to do? I try to make this house peaceful for him to come home too ya know, take care of all the household & yard chores. I want our home to be a haven for him. He just acts like what I do isn't enough for him.

Should I be suspecious? Sorry to ramble!
Liz

mb lurker, I am fairly new to this site as well and by no means as experienced as others here. But I will tell you one thing. My WW was/is having an EA with an ex out of state. I first suspected after she dropped the bomb about her feelings, when a week later, the guy called the house when I was there alone. I asked her about it, she denied anything but looked very surprised. So, I began to snoop. Believe me, you have every right to snoop around, even the Harley's say so. I checked her cell phone, many calls to and from OM (50 minute calls, not 5 minute). I found an old email in her sock drawer referencing some kind of relationship. The kicker was when I found out she had a secret email account. It took me 4 trys to guess the password, the OM's name. That is how they were communicating. I read all the emails and it killed me.

I guess what I am telling you is that you should be suspicious especially with your WS's reaction of denial and anger. Many WS's aren't too smart about hiding clues to their A's. You don't have to look too hard to find something. I suggest you listen to what others have to say here and start digging into your WS's secret life if you must. However, be prepared to find out the worst. At this point, you will need help, couseling, posting here, etc. Good luck and best wishes. I hope I am wrong.

Jmash

Thanks for the reply. Can I just start snooping? What if he finds out? He would be very angry with me. He has told me to drop the issue. But I just can't get over the fact that something is not right about the situation. He's never lied to me before. He really hasn't came right out and said no I'm not having an EA. He thinks the only affair you can have are pa's.

Anyways!!!!! Thanks for replying?

Yep, keep snooping. Just be careful about it. When there is an affair going on, the most honest people become good liars. They can lie to you and look you in the eyes, and look completely sincere. It's creepy.

I started snooping in march and it was the best thing I ever did...my WH whom I thought would never be capable of this was lying to me daily...if not for snooping I would have never known...of course he was angry as hell when confronted with all my information...but I did not care..he should not have been lying in the first place...I have emails from his work computer, phone records, and quantities of text messgaes between the 2 of them....all in my divorce file ready to go if it becomes necessary...

Do what you need to do to protect yourself and prepare yourself!!!!!

Definately start snooping around now. You have a reason to believe something is going on. If you bust him now, you may even prevent the EA turning into a PA.

Call the cell phone provider and request a copy of the last six months of records. I busted my FWW the same way. Verizon posts the records online and it is easy to retrieve. You will find a pattern, if something is going on. His deletion of the girl's number from work tells me he is hiding something.

Keep digging and prepare yourself for....

TooSoon

lurker, be smart about your snooping. Put yourself in his shoes. Where would he hide emails, notes, cards, etc. if he didn't want you to find them. That is what I did and it worked. The places I found info were her purse, cell phone, sock drawer and car. Her secret email account was very tellling. I copied everything for a file if needed. Not sure if it will do any good. As I said before, you shouldn't have to look too hard to find something if there is anything. Be careful, he may become very angry if he finds out you were snooping. Good Luck.