I am at my wits end. My W and I are in recovery (thank God for that much). But, now I trigger over things all the time. I need affection now like I've never needed it before and my W has trouble showing it. I need it more than the air I breathe. So, what ends up happening is that I ask her for her affectiona and I don't think she has ANY idea why I need it so often.

She won't show affection and I automatically think..."she showed affection to OM, why not me?"
She didn't have any trouble loving on him.
Her face lit up like a %^(*&* christamas tree when he came in the room.
The notes she wrote OM had tons of signs that she had no trouble showing affection to him!

She says she loves me, she just won't show it!!!
Why?????
What did I do????
She gets irritated when I ask her for affection. She's the one that threw the crap on me and now she doesn't like the way I smell. That's bull!

I never acted like this before. I never needed affection like this before. Now, it's more important than oxygen. I've turned into this simpering wimp begging and crying and hurting!!! God I hate it! That is soooooo not me!
The Klingon has been turned into a Betazoid!!!

When I get upset and tell her how it makes me feel she'll say..."This is what I was afraid of.... you'll never be able to look at me and not remember." "You'll never be able to forgive me." "You'll never be able to get past this hurt that I've caused you."
She says she feels guilty all the time. I wonder if it comes from that? Who knows.

Now she's saying, "Maybe we should try something else." What does that mean? I think she feels all this guilt that she literally wants to become some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. That breaking up would be proper punishment for her sins. I gave up my church, my ministry, our home, and moved away to get away from what was boiling up to be a major scandal in our small community. We got out in time before anything blew up. We loved our home, she loved her job, but now all that's gone.

All I know is that I don't even want any more of her apologies. I've forgiven her. I just want her love and companionship again.

Hey RWS,

I know how you feel... I've said the exact same things many times myself.

Just wanted to let you know that you are still very early in your rebuilding process... It took us a good two years (including a 7 month "break" due to a deployment) for us to start re-connecting emotionally.

I know it's hard, but try to focus on making yourself the best husband and father that you can be... without ANY expectations of "changing" your W...

Are you and your W in MC? We went to MC with our church and it really helped keep us both on track as we rebuilt our M...

I'll be praying for you and your family...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

RWS, patience - there's something you need. Are you posting in Recovery also? You need to be calm. Roller coaster down, roller coaster up... I think you're doing okay.

I asked my WW for affection once. I asked for a kiss on the forehead. She gave it to me, and I said, "See, I'm not so bad." She replied, "Give me a break," and walked out of the room. Ain't she sweet?

The moral is, don't ask for it. You might get fed something bitter along with that sugar. Just give and give again...

GC

RWS, my STBXWH and I had a chance at recovery and I firmly believe that I may have ruined it because of my actions that came from the same feelings you have. I needed affection more than oxygen too, and my need just pushed him further away. Now, granted, we didn't have MB either.
Just try to be calm and patient. Remember, her affection for OM was based on that fantasy new-love fog feeling. But she ultimately CHOSE YOU.
Hugs.

RWS,
I also had a chance at recovery and blew it. 2 months of joy for me, but I suppose pressure for her. One thing she said when she left again was that I was smothering her with affection. I didn't have MB at the time, I wish I had posted here sooner. Everyone has good advice, we owe it to ourselves to take it seriously. Too much affection, especially asking WS for it, is sutrely going to push her away. Please slow down and have patience. It's a long road ahead, there's no getting around it. I wish I had layed off the mooshy stuff and did more fun things, more spontanious things, more unexpected things, more FUN! Get it. Take the pressure off, do things to take both your minds off what happened. Things like a ball game, a movie, a play...it's hard sometimes to just have fun and forget, but this is what you must do. Please don't blow it like I did by giving too many cards, too many flowers, too many ILY's. It sounds crazy doesn't it? It's true...good luck.