can i be of help to you?? i would like to. please let me know.

Karen

Is this to RAP or RAE...b/c RAE is me...

hi rae, this was actually to rap but i would be happy to help you in anyway too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> how you doing?

Read all about it in "Good sign"--the good signs aren't so good, after all. Sigh. I thought there was progress...I thought wrong.

Sorry about the misunderstanding...I thought that maybe you miss-typed or something. Thank you for your offer...I'd love to have any advice you can offer. Thanks again.

RAE

Hi Fl. Yes, I would love any advice. I am actually pretty terrified posting here again, though. I just don't know if I have the "backbone" for the scrutiny right now. NC and I both do it enough for me I think.

Rae, maybe FL can help us both, huh? I have not been here in a while, so sorry I don't know your story yet.

FL...I have followed your recent thread tonight. I am so sorry you are having to face more with dealing with the past. It is good to see the support you are getting.

Maybe I can chat with you more later. I am emotionally drained and will try to go to bed. I am starting a Bible Study by Beth Moore tomorrow called Believing God. Quite honestly, everything inside me is screaming that there is no way you can walk in there and take this class. Somehow they will know and kick you out. Ugh.

Anyway, I will walk this flesh in there and try to learn something. I could use the talking with you though. Thanks.

Pam

{{{{{{{Rae}}}}}}}


Hang in there. I'm in the same spot. For me...I have to shift focus to look internal. What can I do to make sure my life is completely affair proof? Character building time.

It helps us be proactive and not reactive.

2scared

RAP, well, my first piece of advice is to try to not think of responses here as scrutiny but as things to consider, new view points to look at. i would think having your H here, reading everything, having him posting his thoughts and feelings about you and your marriage must be very hard sometimes but at the same time i think it is very cool that you are both here.

to give you more advice, you need to answer a question for me. what is your biggest obsticle right now?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't think I will ever do it like some of you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">oh yeah, and stop being so hard on yourself!!! this forum is here to HELP people, not make them feel inadequate. USE THIS FORUM FOR YOUR BENEFIT!!! that is the reason i am here. look for the posts that will HELP YOU and leave the rest. challange yourself to grow not beat yourself up more.

the bottomline is, beating yourself up is allowing yourself to focus on the wrong thing, your percieved shortcomings and it keeps you from doing what you should be doing, GROWING!! stop allowing yourself to focus on the wrong thing, just stop it. when that little voice starts saying anything negative to you tell it NO!! i know about that little voice, i have it too and it is not so little sometimes. am i right?

love to you RAP.

<small>[ September 27, 2004, 10:28 PM: Message edited by: FinallyLearning ]</small>

bumping up for you RAP. how you doing?

RAP: I love you very much. Can't even say why but to say I have a great deal of respect, affinity, and compassion for you and your situation.

All I am saying is I pray for you both often.

And FL is a strong woman, doing a bunch of noble and brave things, so she can be the woman she has dreamed of being...and, well, that takes guts...so I kinda have a soft spot for her too!

You guys would do each other some good!

Hi Rap, i saw your post in the sunday blues topic but wanted to say hi to you here anyway. not like it matter all that much i suppose, everyone can read this topic just as much as the other, but i wanted to have this topic for you and i to "talk" in.

I agree with JL, you must stop assuming your H is judging you. he must not say you are not good enough in this way or that way but that is HIS thing to figure out. Lets work here on YOUR things to figure out. OK?

So I am going to ask you again, if you don't mind the badgering...

what is your biggest obsticle right now?

Dipti, thanks. what else can i say, your words really touched me.

Hi Rap, i saw your post in the sunday blues topic but wanted to say hi to you here anyway. not like it matter all that much i suppose, everyone can read this topic just as much as the other, but i wanted to have this topic for you and i to "talk" in.

I agree with JL, you must stop assuming your H is judging you. he must not say you are not good enough in this way or that way but that is HIS thing to figure out. Lets work here on YOUR things to figure out. OK?

So I am going to ask you again, if you don't mind the badgering...

what is your biggest obsticle right now?

Dipti, thanks. what else can i say, your words really touched me.

Hi Rap, i saw your post in the sunday blues topic but wanted to say hi to you here anyway. not like it matter all that much i suppose, everyone can read this topic just as much as the other, but i wanted to have this topic for you and i to "talk" in.

I agree with JL, you must stop assuming your H is judging you. he must not say you are not good enough in this way or that way but that is HIS thing to figure out. Lets work here on YOUR things to figure out. OK?

So I am going to ask you again, if you don't mind the badgering...

what is your biggest obsticle right now?

Dipti, thanks. what else can i say, your words really touched me.

RAP: Are you still here lurking? Don't give up on yourself or NCW yet. Whether you believe it or not, this board does care about you. We know that you have lots to offer, and you will when you're ready. But, try to take a look at yourself. FinallyLearning is offering herself to help you. So is Pepperband. There is some awesome help available here.

Have you seen FL's thread? sins I cannot confess - now you know

She is going through tremendous turmoil in trying to do the right thing by coming clean with her husband. Pam, you've already done that. You still want to save your M don't you? So what's holding you back from trying to answer the questions in this thread? We are not trying to be judgemental, but trying to ask you questions that provide you with an opportunity to review yourself. They are not easy questions, but then this experience that most of us are going through is not easy either.

RAP: We love you in Christ

RH

Edited to correct the first word of the 2nd sentence. Oops.

<small>[ September 29, 2004, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: Recovering H ]</small>

bumping up for you RAP, not giving up on you yet!!!

bump

FL,

I am sorry I missed this thread today. I have wanted to respond, just have not had the words yet.

I have not been getting anything done this week...just not moving fast. I need to go and do a couple things before I pick up the kids from school.

I will "talk" with you on this thread, but it may end up something that would be great via our own emails. I will attempt it here. I am willing to give it a try. Don't want to hurt anyone, and will for sure invite some hefty 2x4s probably.

Thanks FL> I will be able to come back more towards this evening. If you aren't here then, I will still try to post some kind of answer to your question. Thanks.

Pam

Hi Pam <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

my name is Karen, by the way, in case you would rather use that. i understand what you are saying about your hesitancy to post any thoughts and feelings, especially with your H here!! i have often thought how nice it might be to have my H here but then i think it would take away from my ability to use this as my support system.

of course i have the situation where my H does not know ALL there is to know so i have that to work out before introducing him here is a possibility. but if he was here from the start, i would never of been able to post about ALL there is to know and get the strength and courage to be where i am now. kind of a circular thing happening there....

anyway, i slightly hesitate from going to just email for 2 reasons. first the strickly selfish reason... my peronoia about crossing out of the "internet" and into my "real" life. the only email i have access to is the one here at work, if i post that, everyone now knows my last name and where i work. i cut off the msn at home because that is how i used to play backgammon, can't do that from work's network. but i can get here from work's network. i cannot get to any other form of external email from work's network. that is to say, i could not go to yahoo.com and sign into the mail system. so that would be issue #1 but if you gave me your email, then i would not have to post mine here, that would make it easier.

reason #2, you are now limiting yourself to just me and unless you have not been reading any of my struggles that can be harmful to you!!! ok, i am kidding a bit but i think you could lose out on a lot. let's take dipti for example. wow, what a post she put in sunday blues, (September 29, 2004 10:46 PM). i must admit, i have not yet read the one she wrote about an hour before that one.

yes sometimes 2x4's will come your way, hey, i can swing 2x4's in emails to you too! but here is where again i will challenge you to say, read EVERYTHING with the assumption that the person writing is doing so out of love and a desire to help. if something is written such that you cannot take it anyway but bad, SKIP IT!!! leave it in the computer. focus on the stuff that will challenge you to grow, not the stuff that beats you down. but here lies a very big point. you beat yourself down!!! i've am the same way, but i'll tell you something, i'm working really hard to stop it now. because 1) if feels better to have myself as my friend instead of my enemy and 2) i can't grow when i am beating myself up, i cannot make any progress if i am putting myself down. i am not being humble when i beat myself up, i am being stubborn and i am using it as a mechinism to protect myself by using it as a wall. i've come to realize this via IC and i have also come to realize that if at one time, when i first learned to do this, i did so because it maybe was serving some good purpose in my life at the time due to what was going on in my life i needed the protection it gave me... this is NO LONGER true, now it is a hinderance keeping me from doing the things that will ultimately heal me and make me whole. and i'll tell you something else, it absolutely kept me from feeling God's love. and without that, a very BIG whole is left that nothing else can fill.

think about this stuff and tell me what you want to do. maybe you still perfer email, if so that is ok but you will have to be the one to post your address if that is ok with you. maybe you could be comfortable here if if mark would promise to never read this topic? just a thought to consider. i suspect you could trust him to keep his word, yes? it seems to me he would be willing to give you anything you feel would help you.

let me know, Karen

Deleted email addy.

<small>[ September 30, 2004, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: ncwalker ]</small>

pam, i would be totally up for emailing you, i;m not worried about you knowing my email address, but i do not want to post it here. i'ld really like to be of help for you. if you want, please give me your email address and i will email you right away. i do agree, you need a place away from here to be able to work out some stuff. i'm sorry i didn't realize it strongly enough yesterday. i hope you are still open to the idea. love to you, Karen