i do not know what i am doing anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

4 days ago i gave WH the divorce papers to sign...and he has yet to sign them. I have also place myself back to into his life by doing lots of contact but with lots of loving kindness too.

I have decided to launch myself back into his life making havoc to his foggy world...i called him for lunch, he declined...i called him out for drinks, he said busy...i called him for dinner, he said he has prior appointment...yup...alllll the rejection...and i am still doing okay....surprisingly.

My intention and objective is to get him to signed those papers but in a kind way. I can get *****y and nasty. That will definately get WH to sign those papers FAST but i dont want to do that.

I want to save the marriage only and if WH wants to work with me.

Since we are at that junction now...what with all the papers ready...i thought why not make my present known back into WH life again. So this is where i am now. Getting all the rejection but i am going to pursue this way until he either signed them or leave OW.

The best part is knowing OW not happy with all the current contact with me and WH. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I want WH to remember that i am NOT OW and that he has obligation to his Wife...i am going to put pressure on WH until he decides.

This was his text message to me..."wife you dont have a loving and caring husband anymore because he is never around when u and DD need him the most. Pls stop being so nice to me. I cannot handle this. I have disappointed you so much already. If your intention is to make me feel so bad and guilty, let me tell you its working so well..."

I reply that with..."My intention is to help you to come home. I am just doing my wifely duties and if you want it to stop...sign papers and i will not bother you anymore. Meanwhile i am asking for my love care and attntion that i am entitled to...."

I also suggested WH to do a cold turkey for two weeks to get his thoughts straight...no wife and no OW to think about it...he is seriously considering that but again...still no news...

Tonight he is coming over for dinner but told me in advance that he is leaving early. I bought him a birthday cake to surprise him with. WH bday was last week.

I dont know how much patient i have left but i am going to maintain this path.

Everyday from now onwards i am going to pressure him as kindly as i can possibily muster to sign papers or end it with OW... i dont know if it will work but *****y plan is up next if this dont work.

We had dinner at home together...cut the cake and all...he was surprised.

i asked him when he was going to do the cold turkey 2 weeks thingy. WH said he thought of starting it today but somehow found excuses not to do it. WH said he knows he has to do it and will take it oneday at a time, if and when he does it...i am not sure if this is good or bad but i was holding my breath about then.

Tomorrow i will remind him again...hopefully i will get my answers soon.

Arrrrrggggggghhhhh...i can't do this anymore...i went out with WH for lunch...i was very very kind and loving.

I dont know how some of you can go on for months doing plan A. I failed at plan A. I doing better at plan A NOW then when i first started. I think i am doing a fantastic plan A but i doubt i can do it for long. It feels very very false. I feel like i am acting.

Before we parted, i asked him again about the time...and WH said yes he will tell me soon....he has delayed the answer for four days...!!! I dont know how long more can i last doing this game. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I think i have to put my foot down soon. I thought of giving him one week but i have a feeling i might not last that long. I feel like demanding for that answer tonight!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Finally...WH said he will do the cold turkey on thursday. He said he will take it oneday at a time He will signed the divorce papers if he feels he cannot go on until end of two weeks.

I think that is a good enough effort from him.

Meanwhile i have not done much of a good plan A...i have let my pain controlled everything since my last posting. LB quite a bit but i really dont care anymore. I feel if i dont do something and that includes LB...i doubt WS would have done anything. He would have sat on the fence forever with the divorce papers in his hands.

So i bugged and nagged until he agreed to do something.

I think i push a little bit too much but who cares anymore. I kept telling myself that i am done with WH but i have have NOT done anything. Love busting is doing something and for once...surprisingly...something is moving and i feel better letting him know what i feel than keeping it inside me.

I have given him articles about infidelity which i thought i should wait until recovery but I dont think i should wait...it is crunch time now...either i get him back or out he goes.

Every single day i have asked him home for dinner and each time he gave one excuses after another. I am damn tired but i am going to continue until he either sign it or end it.

zizzy, plan A is so hard because it does feel so unnatural. It is not natural for a person to give and give and give and never receive. That is why our FEELINGS tell us to not to it...our feelings are merely trying to protect us from being hurt. Plan A is a brain thing because your brain can see the logic where your heart can.

You say you are not strong but you sure do seem strong to me. I don't think I could draw up divorce papers and keep reminding him to sign them!! But is seems to have some kind of effect on your husband.

I hope you're able to keep doing what you're doing. There is a point where we must stop, but that's ok, as long as you know you did everything you could.

Zizzy,

Maddie is right. And recovery isn't any different. You give so much in recovery and you don't get for a long time. You best rest up and be prepared not to LB and DJ if you get in recovery. HINY knows how hard that is to do. Every now and then I do a little one and then I am sorry for it. So far nothing too bad that has hurt our M yet.

Good Luck.

HINY

Thanks Maddyk...When i sink my teeth into something i dont let it go unless i have a better alternative.

I realised that the pain drains my strength and this is what fails me everytime. Now i know that it is just pain, i try to overcome it. It is not easy going but i have no choice.

Anyway 2 more days before thursday and after that i can rest.

It is scary knowing that what i am doing may push the wrong buttons. I have seek for some answers from special nuns in my town. The nuns do not meet people...they stay lock up in their home and pray for people in need. The nun told me to ask WH home but at that time i was doing plan B so i did not.

But now i am...i have asked WH again and again to come home...end the affair...no more contact with OW...and help me work in the marriage. And surprisingly...there is a teeny weeny hope for me after all when he agreed to do the 2 weeks... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HINYyyyyyy!!! You rock gal...i dont know how you do it...i have been getting all this rejection s**t and getting all the wrong responds...having to do AAAAALLL the work etc etc...i cannot even imagine recovery!!! How do you do it?

Whenever i think that this is how recovery is like...i feel like giving up NOW while i still have the chance with the papers in hand and all.

Well Zizzy,

If you have been keeping up with me recovery sucks....LOL. Everytime I think we are getting some place we go back to the beginning. Kind of reminds me of that game Sorry in a way.

Recently I found out about some phone calls that were made about 6 weeks ago. So back to the beginning we go. Pain, fresh as a knife cut right through my heart.

Recovery does get easier if they stay out of contact because then they start giving a little too, which I am just now seeing and getting. You have hung in there sooo long now just keep plugging at it. And if you get tired of it I don't blame you one bit. I almost filed for D several times now. So you know your limits, and when you have met them move on. You are a great Gal and you will find true love again. Too bad your WH can't see that. But honestly once the fog goes I hear they do see it. I am waiting for the day my H tells me I am beautiful again, or that I look nice, or anything that tells me I am the only one on his mind again.

Prayers to you!

HINY