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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 48
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 48 |
I am planning to implement plan a in a day or two. What do I do if W does decides not to agree to anything, or what if she just tells me "I dont know" like she has been doing for the last 2 months? Do I go right to plan b? Or do I keep trying on several occasions to negotiate a plan A?
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042
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Joined: May 2004
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It sounds like you need to read up on Plan A. Plan A does NOT involve getting the W to agree to anything and does not involve negotiations. It is about making changing in yourself to make you a more attrative S. Ark^^ has a really good thread that explains Plan A much better then I can. It's called Plan A musings and tips, or something like that. It gets bumbed up every week or so. Look for that link as your starting point.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 944
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopingtofix:
<strong> I am planning to implement plan a in a day or two. What do I do if W does decides not to agree to anything, or what if she just tells me "I dont know" like she has been doing for the last 2 months? Do I go right to plan b? Or do I keep trying on several occasions to negotiate a plan A? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan A is geared to help end your Spouses Affair and give your spouse reasons to come back to you. Your ACTIONS do the talking for you, not negoitiating or persuasive conversation.
I'm going to look for Arks thread.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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Joined: Sep 2001
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You can't do plan B without plan A...one follows the other....
Plan a is what YOU do inspite of and even regardless of what your spouse...
Plan A is all about choosing your own behaviors and reactions...EVEN in the face of great pain and disrespect...
Plan A focuses you...so on the other side of this you will have faith and knowledge that you took a path of dignity...
plan has definite boundaries and protections put in place for you...
why do you think your spouse would have to agree with a plan A...
curious as to where you got that idea...
ark
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 48
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 48 |
I have read thru this several times "My overall plan for marital recovery after an affair has three basic stages. The first stage separates the unfaithful spouse and the lover; the second stage maintains that separation through the period of emotional withdrawal experienced by the unfaithful spouse who is addicted to the lover; and the third stage recovers love between spouses, eliminates resentment of the betrayed spouse, and protects the marriage against future affairs" from http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.htmlI have not seen anything else although I am currently searching through the site for more information. It sounded to me like I was supposed to negotiate for WS to stop seeing OM? Where else can I get info on plan A?
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Joined: Jul 2004
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HTF is talking about the No Contact letter that I thought was part of plan A.
I could be wrong, I have been many times in the past.
k
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 48
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Posts: 48 |
Well, yeah. I thought plan a was to get WW to stop seeing OM. I understand that this is supposed to be done using all of the guidelines given, but from what it sounds like, I am not supposed to ask her to not see him anymore? I am supposed to just tell her that I know that the affair was not my fault, but that I contributed to the cause of it? And then she just stops seeing him? I am confused. When do you talk to WW about letter?
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 48
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 48 |
K, so how I understand it now, is that I provide NO love busters, during plan A. I do not talk about the A, or about OM, so do I only talk to her about daily stuff? I think I tell her
"I am supposed to just tell her that I know that the affair was not my fault, but that I contributed to the cause of it"
And then work on meeting any EN that I can. Right?
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
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Joined: Jan 2002
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Please read Dr Willard F Harley Jr's book 'Surviving An Affair' for further clarification on how to implement Plan A/Plan B.
One last thing, you can't do Plan A/Plan B via remote control. If you still want to stay in the military then your chances of having your WW end her A and recommitting to the marriage are nil at best.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 48
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Joined: Jul 2004
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I would love to read that book..It would take at least a month or so to get it to me though...So you think I should go home, do you think I should ask WW if I should, or just do it?
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