Good Morning....

Last night I was sitting on the deck. Had just heard that song "Somewhere Out There", and was thinking about WH.

My cell rang. I did not answer. House phone rang. I did not answer. Then, the cell rang again. This time I did answer.

WH said he needed to know if DS had deposited the rent check into his account. I said "Didn't he call you today to tell you that?"

He said, yeah, he did. He guessed he just wanted to talk to me.

I asked him if he had broken up with OW. He said he is doing that Friday.

I asked him why he was waiting until Friday. WH said he's going to be gone all week for work.

I pretty much told him we could talk after he broke up with her. He then started talking about how disappointed he was that I didn't even send him an e-mail on his birthday. He said he would have at least sent me a card or some flowers. I gave no answer.

We talked for a little bit longer. I did not back down on the fact that he needed to break up with OW before we could do anything (he asked me to go scuba diving with him Saturday).

He finally said "I miss my wife. I miss my life."

I told him "You know what you have to do."

He said "It's going to be hard on me. I'm going to need some support."

I told him that I would support him. I knew it would be hard for him. But that he cannot have both of us.

Did I do okay?

K

(PS. Everytime he asks me to go scuba diving with him, all I can think about is the Scott Peterson case! LOL!!!)

Sounds like you did good to me!

I don't know if i'd be so quick to go scuba diving Sat. if he's just "dumping" her Fri..JMO though.

Best of luck to you!

VG job.

Keep it up.

Rae

Thanks for the replies....

I just didn't know if I should even have talked to him.

Also, on the prompting of bb, I changed our house voice mail outgoing message to say "You've reached K's house. Please leave a message."

That's the very first thing WH observed when I picked up the phone. "I see you've changed the message."

I said "Yeah. It just seemed like the thing to do." And I left it at that.

No, I'm not going anywhere with him. I need to see how this is going to go. He hasn't tried to call at all this morning. Which is good. I am not going to answer.

K

K, VG...DO NOT CALL him no matter how tempted on FRI. to ask him if he broke up with OW...

JMO , if he calls on FRI,I would answer .Other than saying why ya calling ,,, if he responds anything other then I broke up with OW ,,, HANG UP !

Be very careful here , he may be baiting you to see if you call him on FRI. to see if he broke it off ...

THe other thing is the N/C letter ASAP , right after he says they broke up ....

Because ya know the , we broke up but she called to still say this or that will happen .

When people brake up there may be unresolves issues and he needs to make a clean brake from HER before YOU 2 can talk reconcilation .


BE STRONG ,,, this maybe for all the marbles and this is when you need to be firm .

I told him that I would support him. I knew it would be hard for him. But that he cannot have both of us.

Did I do okay?

I think so. Take a page from my "I am certain" post... next conversation, "I am certain I will not stay married to a man who cannot commit to monogamy in the marriage."


(PS. Everytime he asks me to go scuba diving with him, all I can think about is the Scott Peterson case! LOL!!!)

Ewwww creepy thought!

Take care... you're doing just fine... let him squirm before he comes back... are you worth his very BEST efforts? I think you are.

Pep

Thanks 3 and Pep....

Calling him on Friday did not even cross my mind. I will not call him at all.

The last time he broke up with her, he called me right after.

He was agitated, very agitated. He said "she said I thought we were going to have a life together!" Then he told me how she cried, sobbed, and then he put the knife in my heart...."I love her! I LOVE HER! And I love you too!" That felt like a physical blow! Still, I did not LB.

But, even after her said if he broke up with OW, she would be done with him. He would never hear from her again, she called him the very next night. That whole break up lasted almost 24 whole hours!

Pep....I am certain of one thing. I love my husband - not WH. But I am also certain that I WILL NOT stay with him at ANY COST. I am certain that I am worth more than second fiddle!

I am nursing very little hope right now. My life is much easier without all this crap.

My hope is that this is not another "I was just thinking about comensing to try and get started with that...."

Your suggestions on the next steps would be helpful. If he does break up with OW, I think I will talk to Steve Harley again.

Thanks, K

Hi K

I am going to be praying for you on Friday. Hopefully this won't be another false alarm.

I just entered Plan B, and literally just got off the phone with Steve. He suggested to me that my WH calls him when he is ready to make contact with me. I'm including that in my letter I need to write (first letter wasn't clear enough IMO). Just a thought...I don't know if you have both been seeing Steve or not. I would definitely seek Steve's advice for yourself at any rate.

I hope to find peace for myself and children in Plan B. It's weird, I'm not used to things being so calm, ordered and *clean*!

When your Love Bank is so darn low, Plan B is a welcome relief. Your strength has made me feel stronger too! Thank you so much.

K,

You have guts, honey. You are doing a great job! I agree with Dee. I wouldn't go Scubaing on Saturday. Wait to see what happens.

Sometimes the proof is in the pudding.

Hi What....

I was looking for any new postings from you to see how things are going.

Yes, I have talked to SH three or four times. WH wants nothing to do with any marriage counceling right now. He doesn't want to talk someone he doesn't know. He also doesn't want to talk to someone he knows.

I'm not looking for any miracles here. He said he loves me, misses me, and misses his life.

He knows what he needs to do to get those things back.

He knows that I love him.

He now knows how strong I am. And, that I do matter....even if to only myself.

You stay strong. I'll be keeping up with your posts.

K

Hi K,

sounds like Plan B has done something and your husband is for sure "thinking". Still, I'd stick to Plan B.............go dark, dark, dark.

He got you again, didn't he? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
But you did get the "point" over to him again and that's a good thing even though he knows for sure what he needs to do. I'm sure he was "testing the waters" and it really got to him that you didn't call on his birthday.

K, you have so much power in this complete situation. Your husband is reacting in a typical WS manner.

Have trust in yourself because "you" know that "IT IS WORKING!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

He misses you and he misses his life!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> YUPP!
32 years cannot be forgotten and NO OW can replace anything even near to that.

I'm happy that he noticed your new voicemail. You're giving him all sorts of reasons to wonder about you and he is for sure asking himself "What the heck is going on??" These dips of "Reality" are getting to him.

I wouldn't go scubba diving with him, no matter what!!! BTW: You're very busy on Saturday and you have plans for yourself, don't you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

hugs
bb

Hi bb and all....

bb - was going to post to you last night, but had to drive to town. Didn't get home until late.

Unfortunately, I don't have plans for Saturday...but I will have something to do by then. I think WH is going diving on Saturday with some friends. He will have to come here to get equipment.

DS and fiance are taking my car. I guess that I'll just use their vehicle - can't go far in it tho. They will have my car all weekend.

I hope that WH is really missing me and his life. I don't see how he can be soooo attached to someone he has been with - OW - for so little time. It almost seems to me that he is having a harder time giving her up than he would than he is giving me up. But then, I really don't know what goes thru his head.

I do know that I am getting stronger each day. WH says that it scares him that he is getting used to not being around me. He's told me this a couple of times.

I think he is just saying that to scare me into doing what he wants to do, which is sit on the fence.

Like I told him, I want him back, but not at any cost.

Love hearing from you bb.....

K