I am in individual counseling in addition to marriage counseling with SH. Has anyone done this and what did/do you take away from it. What types of things did/do you discuss?

Also, I'm almost done reading his needs, her needs (I read slow) Which book would anybody recommend I read next?

<small>[ September 28, 2004, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: SleeplessInSF ]</small>

i'm not sure if it's splitting hairs or not but do you mean IC by someone outside MB and then MC w/SH or do you mean IC AND MC w/SH? it would be hard to relate to you what i took away from it without the clarification. i've had IC before (a few years back for depression) but i've never had MC. also I'm a BS. a lot of peopel who are in IC in addition to MC do that because they have additional problems like anger, addictions, codependency, etc. I'm not saying that's you only you may need to be more specific.

what brings you to ask the question? do you feel like you are not getting anywhere? is your S involved, etc. ? maybe just explain a little bit more. i counseled w/SH for about 6 months, my H talked to SH 2 times by himself during that time. i have diligently documented all those sessions in a separate thread and I can bump that thread up for you if you feel it would help. but like i said because of the POV i'm coming from i'm not sure it would relate to the question your asking.

Hi Roughroad, Yes sorry I should have been more clear, here's the story. During my first talk with SH, he suggested I get a IC in my area for face to face sessions, someone I could call at the drop of a hat. Since we are supposed to avoid any marriage counseling from him we are running out of things to discuss, and he (my IC) suggested we drop back to twice a month. My wife is not involved with this counselor but we are both counceling with SH.

okay well that clears things up a bit more. hopefully, more will post on this because i kind of feel out of my league here. so if i understand things correctly you already have an IC that you see face to face and then you and your W counsel w/SH. SH wants you to have someone locally (which is a good idea) and this person w/whom you are already in counseling w/already feels that you can taper sessions to 2 times a month. do i have things correctly?

it's up to you how much you really want to reveal here but my next question would of course be what is the real nature of your IC sessions? again, like anger, addictions, etc. I think you would get more information from that perspective. but that just my opinion. there are lots of people here who have undergone counseling of one degree or another. if you haven't received a lot of repsonses then you may want to rephrase the title of the thread to attract more people. just a thought, even though I think your subject title is pretty eye grabbing.

another question would be, do you disagree that you can go to every other week sessions or do you feel that you need to go at all and are just going on SH's recommendations.

gotta go, prayers to you, RR

Yes RR you have the scenario exactly correct.

I think SH's initial reasons for me to go was first to catch any possible sexual addiction since my A was with a "escort" or two (long story). But my IC has pretty much ruled that out.
Secondly - to show my wife I was serious about change. Problem is we are running around in circles (the IC and I). I do like to talk to him and vent and for reassurance that I'm on the right path. Also I know my wife likes me to go.

Do I think I need to go? I think for my wifes sake I do. I am ok with twice a month and so is my wife. I just want those appts to be more productive so I thought I would post here and ask what others have talked about. He does help me with some of my anxiety about going home, I'm still not home even though we are into recovery, wifes not ready yet.