I found out about my Husband's affair after confronting him this past June. It was going on since I was pregnant. One night I rejected him sexually. It is now that I realized that we were not meeting each other's EN. I was not feeling supported during the pregnancy. I failed to go for it one night and he was devastated and did not know how to tell me he was hurt with my rejection. I did not know I hurt him so I could not apologize. One thing led to another and someone was willing to jump at the chance to make him "happy". When I found out, it was going on for over a year. I confronted her and she is not willing to let go. He says he does not loves her but he cared about her and did not wanted to hurt her. We have been working on this relationship since June 20th. ( I hated that I picked Father's day to confront him) . I know they still in contact from time to time but I also know it is falling apart. She can not understand how I stayed with him after all this. She thought I was going to kick him out (for her to pick up) and since I did not, she is starting to make withdrawls from his love bank and vice versa. I have known him for over 15 years. She has known him for over one. How can she think I will give up that easy. We have gone through a lot together. Our story is good for a book so I wont go into details right now. I gave myself until January to go with plan B of the book Surviving the affair if plan A does not works. I was ready to quit not long ago but then I started noticing some big changes in his behavior at home, with me and the family. Positive changes! Good ones! I have become an unofficial detective looking for clues of anything that could be happening behind my back. He is a truck driver who stays on the road often so this is twice as hard. I stay at home with the kids so we can not afford changing jobs for now. I just need some patience because I am not sure I can make it to January like this. I do want to give that much time for many personal reason . Thanks for letting me vent here. I will keep reading my books. I do not know what would have I done without Marriage Builders and the Doctor's books. I have read already His Needs Her Needs, Love Busters, and I am currently on Surviving the affair. Any comments will be appreciated. I kind of feel alone in all this and will like someone to talk to and vent from time to time and share notes. Thanks for reading.

I need to hear from others in the same boat. I just need to get everything out. MC are too expensive since I do not work. I never thought, before this happened, that I could forgive and want to try again. Questions run through my mind all the time to see if it's worth trying once that trust is damage. It is soo hard. It hurts so much! How could the person you loved the most and trusted the most, your best friend, could do something like this without taking your feelings into consideration. It all seems too selfish at times from his part. Now it is not about the why's but about what's next, how to fix it, when will we feel better? It all seems too much at times...I guess I am just venting again. Thanks for listening.

hi and welcome...although i am not in teh same exact boat as you i know what your feeling. My ww has been having A since July....and i am currently trying to plan A. Trying not to quit......although want to at times.

Feeling alone as well...just know that there are others out there. Feel free to vent here...i have and it helps in between ic sessions.

Thanks for your words. It is hard to believe we have to go through this. We, me and H, come from homes where parents still married. Solid long term marriages. I for sure did not even think for a second I would be going through this with him. Known him for over 15y. OW said to me an affair is a day, over a year is a relationship. Then she asked me what was I going to do. I told her I have known him for over 15yrs not a year (like her). What the heck she thinks I am going to do. Place it on a silver tray for her to grab. No way. I am fighting all the way. If it fails it will be all his fault. If I go down it will be fighting this one very hard. I just can not beleive how many feelings could be involved in this. I could change my moods from fighting to giving up by the minute it seems some times. It is harder that I have ever imagine something like this will be.

This process have change us so much that I am asking myself if we are going to love the end product. Trying to explain that...hmmm! I fell in love with someone and that is not the person he is anymore. Neither I am . I am stronger, less trusting, insecure, etc. The package of what we know as "us" have change. Is it worth saving?! I want to beleive so. Hard to do, but want to believe it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by aymeemtz:
<strong> .... OW said to me an affair is a day, over a year is a relationship. Then she asked me what was I going to do. I told her I have known him for over 15yrs not a year (like her). What the heck she thinks I am going to do. Place it on a silver tray for her to grab. ... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Aymeemtz,

Welcome to MB and glad to see you have already begun to do your reading. This will help you for what is ahead.

That OW sure seems like she babbles like one of those from the TOW board or an OW with the experience of multiple As. Which makes her used! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You on the other hand are new at this and that's where MB can help. Use this as your venting board.

How did the OW and WS meet? How do they keep commuication going? Find out and we can give suggestions for you to turn their devices into your tools.

take care,
L.

Aymeetz,

Contact between the OW and H must STOP! There can be no re-building as long as there is contact.

Is the OW married?? Have a significant other? Exposing the A to the H or BF or her family or boss or the world, well maybe not the world, will help stop the A and contact.

Sounds like you know her, or at least have talked to her.

Stay strong, be pro-active,..snoop all you want, and don't do any thing drastic for now.

And one last thing...you "rejected" him one time when you were pregnant and it somehow, down the road, led to the A?? COME ONNNN!!! Who is he trying to kid

How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How did the OW and WS meet? How do they keep commuication going? Find out and we can give suggestions for you to turn their devices into your tools.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My WH and OW met at his previous job. They keep in touch by phone and her sometimes through messages from other girls at the office where she still works.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Contact between the OW and H must STOP! There can be no re-building as long as there is contact.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that they are having huge withdraws from each others love banks because he had stayed with me even after it all came to the light so I want them to keep fighting and that is the reason at this very moment I am hanging on.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Sounds like you know her, or at least have talked to her </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She was married but her husband had an A and left her. I met her once because she is from the area and I felt like I had a shadow over my head everywhere I went and needed to put a face to that shadow. I had planned to see her from a distance but she called me to meet and I accepted so now I know who and what I am dealing with. It was one the hardest thing to do in my life.

Thanks to all for the support! Ask away! Venting makes me feel better. Thanks,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How are you doing? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for asking. I am going through all kinds of emotions by the minute. There are days where I see the positive changes in the relationship and his attempts and intentions of making it work. Due to his job as a truck driver and his nights out of the house during the week, I have very week moments. I have become a detective looking for clues. It is awful to live like that. During one of my "investigations" I found out she is sooo upset that he is not minding her lately and all the do is argue that just for that I am not letting go. I am trying to be patient and not moved into plan B because I know they are not doing very well together and do not want to give them that chance at this time. Oh well, just taking it one day at a time I guess. Thanks for asking. Take care.

sure do know how how you feel...

I've been married 21 years, and if you'd ever asked me how I'd respond if my H ever cheated, I'd've told you I'd be calm, tell him to go and I'd go on with my life.

Now, keeping my WH (and truth be known, I was a WW in the past)dominates my life. I swing from such intense highs and lows, mind-boggling panic to calm giving up.

But yes, like you, I treasure my time invested with him and take responsibility for being a part of the distance. I'll make every effort to make it work....

Hello ay,

I think must of us here can understand what you are going through. I did alot of snooping around as well when I first found out about WW A. Although I think it made me more bitter to begin with, it also gave me some important information I needed to help start a plan A. Hang in there, patience is hard, but it sounds like it might be working for you if WH is having problems with OW.

sorry to see you have to join the site.

Do a search on TDVA Journa and see how hard this is. Every day is a journey.

We are all here to help

Hey ayme. I've been here for 6 weeks. (6 weeks too long) I will tell you that it has gotten better. Just keep reading and posting, eventually it begins to sink in a little and the concepts begin to make some sense.

Believe me, I am the Anti-A. I struggle with maintaining a real Plan A, but I think I at least am begining to see what it is.

There are so many supportive people here it will amaze you. I am so grateful for all of them, yet I am so sad for everybody that has to be here.

You WILL mentally grow so quickly here that it will make your head spin, or stop spinning or whatever...

Hang in there. It gets better.

Thanks all for the support. I am stress right now because WH is having trouble at work as far as getting paid and I know when he has fallen off the wagon it has been due to financial stress/pressure. I am being as supportive as I can but it still kills me because this is when I need to be more calm in front of him even if I am more stressed than ever. It is when you start thinking how worth it it is. I mean, IT IS WORTH it, but I kind of start panicking and it gets harder to focus on any plan and keep feelings under control. Thanks for listening. Aymee