Hi Everyone.

I'm new to this site and have been looking in a few places for answers. I found out two weeks ago that my wife "doesn't know if she is in love with me" anymore.

I knew something has been up for a few months, but two weeks ago, I found her car parked in front of a co-workers house. She had spent the day over there.

She says that she started to talk to him about our relationship and that they have kissed a "few" times. I asked her not to see him outside of work. I think that she has done this, but they still talk on the phone quite a bit.

DivorceBusting.com suggests working on yourself and not bringing up the A at all. I don't feel that we can work on our problems if she is still talking to this guy. We have our second marriage counseling session this weekend and I'm going to bring this up. I'm afraid to push her away from him in case that will just keep her more interested in him. I'm also afraid to act like it doesn't bother me, because it DOES!!!

Any advice?

1. Tell the OM's wife

2. Tell the OM you want him to STOP calling your wife, but do not threat mim.

3. Wife will have to get another job and agree to NC. Plan A. This is the most important step.

4. Wife fell in love with OM or thinks she is in love. Therefore, do not thrash the OM in front of her even if the OM is scum. Wife will try to defend OM if you put him dowmn and will actually like him more.

5. Read this thread about OMs. Have your wife read it.


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=018553


My wife's OM said he would be very understanding if his wife had an A and would say "Where did I go wrong honey? How can I make it better for you." In other words OMs use soothing language and never get upset. Therefore try not to have fights or be upset with the wife. Tell her you want to support her and that your goal is to save the marriage. Have her read the site's material. Don't put the OM down, in fact try to be smooth like the OM. Eventually after many months your wife will realize OM is scum.

6. Install spy software on the computer and consider tapping the phones. Do this for your own peace of mind. Do not give away this until you are sure she has stopped calling the OM.

7. You will have to make her fall in love with you again.

She may only be in a very mild EA, but you have to play to win. The kisses could be the tip of the iceberg, it could very well be a PA.

click on the link in my signature line.

Recovery does not start until after ALL contact between them ends. So, start in Plan A.