Found out about the EA about a month ago. He called her to break it off in front of me, I thought we were on plan A, until I found out they were still talking. Talked to her, she said she wouldn't contact him and then he was with her last week. What do I do if my husband claims that they only kissed one night, but continues to talk to her via IM, email, phone and text message. He has lied to me about where he was one night, when he finally admitted he said he was helping her with her 401k. Funny... I called her house that night and her husband thought she was "at a work function". I want so badly to tell him, however they have a child and wouldn't want to affect him. And my husband told me this week, that if I tell him, that he will file papers. What do I do?

ANother thing, the last couple of nights have been good, we talk normal and good. He has actually left his phone on (in the past 2 months he has turned it off). But this morning I came across a text message on his phone from her, it said "Are you ready to jet yet, handsome". It came last night right before he got home, does this mean he had plans with her last night or is he trying and ignoring her?

Well, I'm not the best to answer, perhaps, but here goes. Have you read the MB articles on this site? You must order Surviving an Affair and read it immediately. (Go to bookstore at the top of this page.) They deliver really fast.

There is definitely an affair going on - there is definitely no intention in his mind to end it.

No matter what he says, you must contact the OWH immediately and tell him what is going on. Pay no attention to what your H says at this time. Do it now. Don't wait.

You will have to be very very strong to survive this. But we are strong, aren't we?

More experienced people than I can give you even more advice. But you need to read the articles and the book before you can begin to know what to do next.

God bless you - everyone here has been through what you are going through now. (On one side of the issue or the other.) All will try to help you as much as possible. Welcome to MB, but we are sorry you have to be here. (Like us)

Badgergirl,

Probably most of what needed to be said to you was said on the other thread.

The affair is still going. He is not willing to abide by the NC.

Get all your evidence out and tell her husband. Do not tell your husband you are going to do this. This may be the single most important thing to do to end the affair. Expect his anger, divorce threats yadda yadda.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I want so badly to tell him, however they have a child and wouldn't want to affect him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn’t want my children to be affected either. I thought I could fix this. I thought the honorable thing to do was not to tell OMW for fear my children would find out and have a warped view of their mother. I eventually called her after finding this site and SYMC. I freely admit my folly and stupidity for your sake. Now my WW lives in another house, we are under a separation agreement and she sees OM at will.

How do you think the children are affected now?

Don’t be weak. Feel weak maybe, but don’t act it. You need to lovingly meet this head on and take the necessary steps. Come here to get reassurance. If you decide not to expose, some very credible folks here will even refuse to help any longer.

Have you read all the links on the “just found out” page dealing with exposure?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BadgerGirl:
<strong> Found out about the EA about a month ago. He called her to break it off in front of me, I thought we were on plan A, until I found out they were still talking. Talked to her, she said she wouldn't contact him and then he was with her last week. What do I do if my husband claims that they only kissed one night, but continues to talk to her via IM, email, phone and text message. He has lied to me about where he was one night, when he finally admitted he said he was helping her with her 401k. Funny... I called her house that night and her husband thought she was "at a work function". I want so badly to tell him, however they have a child and wouldn't want to affect him. And my husband told me this week, that if I tell him, that he will file papers. What do I do?

ANother thing, the last couple of nights have been good, we talk normal and good. He has actually left his phone on (in the past 2 months he has turned it off). But this morning I came across a text message on his phone from her, it said "Are you ready to jet yet, handsome". It came last night right before he got home, does this mean he had plans with her last night or is he trying and ignoring her? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As a WH myself...one who claimed to be having only an EA with a girl until my W found evidence otherwise on her own...and subsequently I ended up admitting to her that we had had a 1.5 year sexual affair...

It's probably more than you think it is. It's easy for us cheating [censored] to only parcel out little bits of info, just enough to make you think things aren't as bad as they really are, when in fact they are.
Take it from one who knows. A majority of men, myself included, as "sensitive" and "intellectual" as I like to think I am, are incapable of EA's - there is always a sexual element, even if it hasn't been realized yet, it will be.

I recommend doing what my W did to catch me - DIG for everything you can and confront him with it. Cell phone records, emails, whatever you can find. Get a keylogging software if you think he's doing things online.

It all sounds too brutal, but it's probably the truth.

My daughter always calls my H before she goes to bed to tell him "Goonight, I love you, God Bless You"...well on several occasions he hasn't been home for her to tell him, and it upsets her to the point where I can barely get her back to sleep (And she's 9). So she's left messages on her Dad's machine asking him to call her back and I'd wake her up so she could tell him her goodnight rountine. And he has done so, It's always about 11-11:30 PM. Well last night he called her first, as soon as he got home from work telling her goodnight and he loved her. So I got her off to sleep and called his house....no answer, so I left a message about needed to get the kids social security cards which are still at the house, (but was really checking to see if he was gone) After that my friend and I jumped into her car, drove past his house to make SURE that he wasn't there....and then we proceeded to drive past the person I suspect is the Other Woman....his car was no where to be found, we looked everywhere! It wasn't in her driveway, or parked on her street, it wasn't on any of the side streets we could find so after driving around a little while longer, we see his car driving out of her neighborhood (and she was on the porch....must have been telling him goodbye...that's so damn sweet) So we followed him, not too closely, just to make good and damn sure that it was him......then we drove past the house, and indeed he had just pulled up.

So now the nightmare has come full circle, I know that he's having an affair with her, even though I've asked him a million times, and he's said "NO, there's no other woman....I'm just not in love with you anymore", and I've even threatened to beat the crap out of her...and he said "Why? There's no reason to, we're just friends" etc. And even though I've gone and talked to her and she lied straight to my face....it's reality.

I've read the links to plan A, but they're not very descriptive, I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to be doing. Wait for the Book??? I want to get this underway.

I also discovered another interesting little fact, my husband has had the locks on our house changed...so I can't go in there unless he's there. (I found 2 calls on the caller ID from the OW when I was at his house and I asked him why the hell she was calling him...since it was a brand new number, he must have run directly to her and given it to her) I really need a better explanation of Plan A, so that I can get this thing in motion, doing nothing is driving me crazy.

My husband called me back to answer my "question" I'd asked on his answering machine earlier, at about 11 pm, and I acted like I'd been sleeping, I said what did you need??? He said "Oh, nothing just wanted to answer the question you asked me."
I said "Oh, okay....well thank you" Then I said "Where were you tonight when I called??" He said "Oh just out running around" (running around on me is more like it) I said "Oh, okay, well I'm going to bed) and ended the conversation. I didn't want to over-react, I would have loved nothing better than to go up to that house and go the hell off on both of them, but I don't know if that's the appropriate thing to do.

I know where this girl works (She's not exactly a co-worker, she works at a candy store 2 stores down from my husbands) I know where she lives, I know her phone number, I know the number to the corporate headquarters of her work, hell...I know how much she paid for her house.....Is she completely stupid? Are they both that stupid? This is the town I grew up in, I know tons of people here.....so they haven't gone "out" anywhere.....he just goes over to her house and hangs out for like 1 1/2 - 2 hours on a pretty nightly basis.

I need to know what to do, how to implement Plan A.....the link is too sketchy........Please Help Me Get The Love Of My Life To Realize That His Wife and His Family Are Worth The Time.

I'm so very sad,


-Caren

Caren,

Most of your questions are being answered on your thread. Mostly you have to get back in that house as WAT suggested. You have a key. It's called a locksmith. One cannot "break in" to a place they have a lawful right to be in. So you leave your lease a month earlier. It may well be the best investment you make.

I'm going to post another helpful link on plan A.

Time limit for plan A

This has some good stuff too:

Plan A 101


Edited to add this link:

Plan A, Doormats and Lovebusters

<small>[ September 30, 2004, 09:46 AM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>