I was trying to let her do all the calling, but couldn't help it. She was nice on the phone to me, but now is blowing off hanging out this week. She says she needs to study all week this week. She is going to school full time and is just moving into her place etc. So she could seriously need to get things done, but it still annoys me in a way. I would think she could take an hour or two out of her week to hang out with me. We can't rebuild if we don't see eachother or talk. Maybe I am being desperate. Now I wish I had not called.

Hey Juke...don't beat yourself up about it. The call has been made...now let her respond. I have been doing the same thing only your wife is a lot further out of the fog than my WH is. I hate to seem desperate but sometimes I feel in a way, I am desperate to save my marriage and return that wonderful world of love. Both Fogless and 2scared say that our WS take note of all our kind gestures...guess they are deposited into our WS's love banks and once that love bank hits a certain level, you once again return to that amazing level of love that you had when you first got married. I just wish that we didn't have to sit around waiting for our love banks to come out of debt!!!

Hang in there! PS...looks like there is some interest for a MB party in San Diego...any dates good for ya?

-K

KBJ- Yeah, it is just that I want her to really want to see me. I would think that she would as I do her. Maybe she will be more like that after settling into her place. I am just so paranoid about her deciding that she doesn't want to see me or something despite what she has said lately. She is at work and busy so she couldn't really talk either. She used to call me everyday so it's strange that she isn't calling much now. I definately get what u are saying about being desperate, but yet making love deposits at the same time. Next week I will really know how things are.

I really have nothing planned so any weekend will work for the party. Whatever works for everyone else.

Juke, try to be a little more detached if you can.

Don't sweat the call. It is in the past. Keep being a hero, dude. Unhitch your emotions from her as best you can. You don't want to be dragged behind that truck while it's still on a gravel road.

GC

juke,

Help her move some heavy stuff, then say "See ya later, have fun studying.

Sometimes its hard to understand that we are not the center of their universe as they are to us.

Her schooling and work...sounds like she has a pretty full plate.

Absence makes the heart grow....umm..??? something, sorry, I again was distracted by a bright shiny thing over yonder.

Clingy and desperate is/are not good things.

EDITED: to say "Not even close to saying you are clingy and/or desperate...but your posts seem to suggest it. Hopefully not in your dealings with her"

k

<small>[ September 29, 2004, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: krusht ]</small>

Juke

As the others have said, don't take it to heart. In fact if she is decompressing (de-fogging) and in withdrawal, your life is more pleasant without her right now, regardless of what your heart is telling you.

Stay the course, stay very, very patient and understanding and don't read too much into ANYTHING that transpires between you two.

It bodes best for you if SHE LEANS towards you, rather than her feeling you PULL her BACK to you, if that makes sense? Her actions will tell you volumes more than her words.

Find other plans for the weekend, and keep busy, without dwelling on all this confusion.

Best wishes

SD

Krusht- i really have hardly contacted her lately. I rarely call. I may really want her back, but I don't show total desperation to her. I usually just sit back and relax. This morning I was overwhelmed with memories of us in my head and couldn't resist calling. I new I shouldn't have, but did. The way I feel is that if she wants to work on things she needs to get to it and not keep me waiting around for her you know.

GC and Shattered- you are both right and I knew it, but broke my gameplan. I should just lay back and let her show me with actions. Sometimes I feel like I have waited for this for soo long that I just want to get thru this mess ASAP. I guess if I have waited this long I can be patient with her.

Yeah, Juke. Keep your Taker in shackles for a while longer.

GC

Juke,

Several things that will sound really harsh, but I think you really need to consider carefully.

1. She left OM, but that does NOT mean she is coming back to you. No matter what she says, OM is probably the person she misses the most right now. She is not married to you so she has NO obligation to return to you. Her words mean nothing, her actions tell the story. Watch the actions as YOU go about living your life, which means a life without her.

2. You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Krusht- i really have hardly contacted her lately. I rarely call. I may really want her back, but I don't show total desperation to her. I usually just sit back and relax. This morning I was overwhelmed with memories of us in my head and couldn't resist calling. I new I shouldn't have, but did. The way I feel is that if she wants to work on things she needs to get to it and not keep me waiting around for her you know.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The way you "feel" counts for nothing, absolutely nothing with respect to her. Your feelings have clearly been shown to NOT count, and frankly you should NOT be operating on feelings, but on data, and facts, and actions. The part I put in bold is particularly important for you to address. She is NOT keeping you waiting around YOU are keeping yourself waiting around. So take you own advice and "get to it" and start leading your life without her.

If at some time she decides that she might like to be part of your life, she can see if you are willing. You don't get to tell her how to lead her life, and she sure doesn't get to tell you.

Luke, I'm being rough with you because this is rough stuff and you have acquired the same thinking that a WS has when in the affair...all feelings based and no data or reason is applied.

Stop, look at the data, the actions, and realize she is NOT you, she is NOT married to you, and although OM is supposedly out of her life, that does NOT mean she wants you back in it other as someone to talk to occasionally.

Please think about this very very carefully.

God Bless,

JL

JL- She did tell me that she wants to work on our relationship and start from scratch etc. She doesn't ever call me and tell me something directly unless she is going to do it. She didn't say she doesn't know what she wants or she is confused, she said that she wants me in her life and to start over with our relationship. Not that we are only friends. You are right though, actions speak louder than words.

Juke,

As usual I agree w/JL (who doesn't - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ).
However, I also understand that tug to know which often leaves the BS feeling like they just kicked themselves in a twisted way. That foot can reach the heart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Now, there are some tactics you can use in a moment of desparation but they are not for the fainthearted. Also having a degree in acting may help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Here's an example:

rrrring, blllling.....

WS: yea?

BS: Hi, this is Juke, may I speak to: Pat? (note the use of a name which can go both ways).

WS: Pat? Whose Pat? Do you know you called your W?

BS: Oh, musta hit your # instead of Pat's #. Sorry. Bye.

Leave it alone. You got your call fix and it will last a while. You can't use this too much but hey, who said BS can't have clumsy fingers. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now what will be going through a WS' mind? Hm.... in the fog I would venture to say a lot of strange things. Will it cause her to call you back and ask for details? It might. If she does you s/b ready with a good response.

JMHO,
L.

<small>[ September 29, 2004, 06:47 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Orchid,

Do me a favor. Remind me to NEVER make you mad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That is just plain diabolical,...but I love it.

JL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
<strong> Orchid,

Do me a favor. Remind me to NEVER make you mad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That is just plain diabolical,...but I love it.

JL </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okie dokely <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.