HW,

Boy, we do have a lot in common. We will have to talk later about more southern stuff and the work stuff too. I'm always looking for new opportunities. I don't have a lot of time to write today. But I do, as always have a lot to say.

I'm sorry you are having a bad day today. Hugs to you. I'm afraid I don't know all the details of your situation. I will go back and look at some of your old posts. I am enjoying talking with you. Have a good weekend with your family.

2B,

I don't know how I get my mind to that place - maybe some pervertedness or something. Sometimes I feel as though it is all a dream. And I can almost make myself believe it. Then I wake up and it all comes crashing in like a ton of bricks. I wish I could take it all out at the gym, but I'm one of those people who HATE excercise. I struggle to make myself go and it is not a stress reliever for me. Stress relief for me is a movie with coffee or a glass of wine. Or reading a book in a VERY quiet place.

Which brings me to the thought of "lots of alcohol". I'm with that one, although I can only really last through maybe two drinks. I've only been drunk once in my life and I did not like the after effects. (Remember, sheltered, naive girl...) However, I do enjoy a couple of glasses of wine, love magaritias (sp?), and one of my favorites is just rum and coke. Oh and I like Long Island Ice Teas - That is how I got drunk that one time - had two of them. I had just met my Husband a few weeks before. We were not out on a date, but he witnessed the one and only time I got REALLY drunk (age 25 btw) and has never let me live it down. Now I'm feeling old. You both are 10 years younger than me. Oh, also this drunken event happened on Halloween!

I'm glad y'all don't think I'm too weird about the SF thing. Sometimes I think I'm weird. But it also has helped my H talk more openly to me (I think), which I like. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm not sure what I could burn. I know he has some greeting cards somewhere. We have already reclaimed his truck. They did it there once, so the other night WE did it in there in our driveway after the boys were in bed. The cell phone and pager both belong to work so I can't burn those.

Top Rope,

I am sorry that I also don't really know your story. I will go back and read some of your posts too. I appreciate your input and hope all is well with your family. The job search is getting a little better. We did get a couple of emails at least giving us a little hope. The other resumes I sent out have given us nothing. We did consult with a recruiter that actually "markets" you. We have to pay them, which we are not real sure about. But we have to find something, and it has to be something that H can enjoy. He has always liked his job, and now he hates going everyday. So thanks for asking and praying for us, I'll keep y'all updated. Also, I know our true recovery won't start until he gets a new job.

Oh, and TP, that having a threesome with the invisbile OP is really a b#!ch isn't it? I really want her out of our bed. Even though I can use my mind to make it work for me, I still want her out of my head as much as I want her out of my H's head!

I am sorry this is so long. Gosh I could just talk forever. But my children are calling and I need to straighten the house before H gets home. I am running around doing all that exhausting, trying to make everything perfect thing. Failing miserably, but trying nonetheless. It is so frustrating. But, you know what, I am also so happy. Happy that we are moving forward.

I found a little book today (at Walmart). It has some great prayers and quotes in it. I'll post some of the thoughts later.

I hope you all have a good weekend. And I hope the triggers are not too bad for everyone. Oh, our youngest is going as Spiderman for Halloween. Our oldest has a scary mask and we need to go figure out the rest tomorrow. Probably some blood and other gory stuff.

We have an 8am soccer game to get to in the morning and it is going to be cold!

Oh, and for y'all here is my email (not my main one) if anyone wants to email me. I may take it off of here later. I don't guess it matters, though.

naivegirl38@yahoo.com

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey all. Well it's Tuesday and this is my first post of the week. I won't say it's from lack of trying.

I guess I had some user error yesterday. I kept getting a 'page cannot be displayed' error when selecting the GQII link. I thought it was the site but I see people were able to post yesterday...I'll take the blame.

My 10 year anniversay is Friday. I have nothing planned. NOTHING. I was hoping the day would slip up on me and pass without notice. No such luck. I'll have to face it.

So the 10th year is tin. What in the world can I get him in 3 days that's made out of tin and is meaningful?

Any suggestions? Top-Rope you are a fella you can tell me something right? Is anything made out of tin these days?

NG - I'm glad we can relate so well. Sometimes it's nice to have someone know where you are coming from. I know I have bonded very well with 2B. Knowing we share trigger dates helps me a great deal. Just knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way is comforting.

I hope all is well with you guys. I'll check back after lunch and maybe post something meaningful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

HW,
[edited to add this]:
Did you see faithinme's thread on finding an OW's C.O. in the military??

If not, read it and see if you can direct her in the Right direction.
Just thought you might know the proper channels to go through.....with the least resistance.
In either case, Thanks.

NOW on to your question:
Well, as you might expect the first thing that came to mind for your situation is a Tin Soldier.
(Yes, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> how original).

Indeed, there are toy soldier companies out there....selling soldiers from the ancient (Roman, Egyptian ect) to closer to our times (Revolutionary, Civil, W.W.I & W.W.II, ect).
Hey, as long as they are metal, who says he has to know they may not be tin.

But then I got to thinking that those anniversary lists are the traditional.
Hey, why NOT start a new tradition and go with the Modern list.
Here's the break down of the 2 lists side by side.

Traditional & Modern Wedding Anniversary Gifts


........Traditional Presents --- Modern Presents
1st Wedding Anniversary Paper(tr)--- (mod)Clocks
2nd Wedding Anniversary Cotton--- China
3rd Wedding Anniversary Leather--- Crystal
4th Wedding Anniversary Linen--- Electrical Appliances
5th Wedding Anniversary Wood ---Silverware
6th Wedding Anniversary Iron--- Wood
7th Wedding Anniversary Wool ---Pens or Writing Equipment
8th Wedding Anniversary Bronze--- Lace
9th Wedding Anniversary Pottery--- Leather
10th Wedding Anniversary Tin --- Diamonds
11th Wedding Anniversary Steel ---Jewellery
12th Wedding Anniversary Silk ---Pearls
13th Wedding Anniversary Lace ---Textile
14th Wedding Anniversary Ivory ---Gold Jewellery
15th Wedding Anniversary Crystal ---Watches
16th Wedding Anniversary ---- Topaz
17th Wedding Anniversary --- Amethyst
18th Wedding Anniversary --- Garnet
19th Wedding Anniversary ---Aquamarine
20th Wedding Anniversary China
21st Wedding Anniversary Brass
22nd Wedding Anniversary Copper
23rd wedding Anniversary Silver Plate
24th Wedding Anniversary Music Related
25th Wedding Anniversary Silver
26th Wedding Anniversary Original Painting
27th Wedding Anniversary Sculpture
28th wedding Anniversary Orchids
29th Wedding Anniversary Furniture
30th Wedding Anniversary Pearl
31st Wedding Anniversary Watch
32nd Wedding Anniversary Car
33rd wedding Anniversary Amethyst
34th Wedding Anniversary Opal
35th Wedding Anniversary Coral
36th Wedding Anniversary Bone China
37th Wedding Anniversary Alabaster
38th wedding Anniversary Beryl
39th Wedding Anniversary Lace
40th Wedding Anniversary Ruby
41st Wedding Anniversary Land
42nd Wedding Anniversary Property
43rd wedding Anniversary Travel
44th Wedding Anniversary Shopping
45th Wedding Anniversary Sapphire
46th Wedding Anniversary Poetry
47th Wedding Anniversary Books
48th Wedding Anniversary Lenses
49th Wedding Anniversary Luxury Items
50th Wedding Anniversary Golden
55th Wedding Anniversary Emerald
60th Wedding Anniversary Diamond
70th Wedding Anniversary Platinum
75th Wedding Anniversary Diamond

Now I don't know how sentimental and dedicated to your own traditional "ways" you may be.

You may "HAVE" to stick to the traditional.

But even if you do feel that way, why not start some new traditions ......in honor of starting your "new" marriage.
[Hey, you make out WAAAAY better with the modern suggestions anyway]!!
Don't you think?

I mean tin or dimonds?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Like Hello! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Anyway, this is my suggestion.
Forget about the list and get each other something the other will enjoy, like or treasure.
That's what counts.

Or why not forgo Presents to each other altogether?..... and INSTEAD spend the money on a mini vacation for the 2 of you.
At this point ... spending quality (& fun) time together is MUCH more important than any old presents anyway.

In fact the bonding and reconnecting is *$Priceless$*! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Go ahead & Begin NOW in making your anniversary full of New and Better memories. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
This will do MORE to "blunt" the triggers of "Other" anniversaries then just about anything else.

So there's my blurb on that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
If it didn't help.....well then, hopefully one of the others can come through for you.

<small>[ October 19, 2004, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

Top-Rope -

I went to look for Faithinme's thread. I asked that she go to the IG and it looks like she's done that. I'm not sure if she had started that road before or after Heroswife.

I read something like that and I feel terrible for being so upset about my situation. Have you noticed the amount of military couples on this site? It blows my mind. Not that we are different then anyone else. I guess I lived in a fantasy world where things didn't seem so bad around me...but then again...I've always known just tried not to think about it.

You are good....really good! Trade Tin for Diamond?!?!?! Duh! I had almost settled for a can of Easy Cheese!

We are not very traditional...as a matter of fact I try to go against the grain every chance I get. Not sure why that is....just a part of be'n me I guess. I have never really cared about things like this before. This just seemed like a pretty big annv so I wanted to do something special. Well....I really wanted to forget it because it's a trigger date for me. That is not possible so I decided to face it.

So we've decided to buy something for the family. Something we will keep forever and something we need. A kitchen table! Yes folks...10 years and we don't have a table. We've been given 2 tables (back when we were really really poor). Oddly enough I managed to find people more needy then us so I gave them away to families that really had nothing...along with our couch, a bedroom suit, my daughter's bed, china cabinet and curtains.

When we finally had money to buy a table I decided I didn't want a traditional table...I wanted a 50's style table or booth. I couldn't find that so I bought a picnic table to tide us over. Then I decided I liked having picnics and we kept it. When we moved we put it in storage. Now we have no table. So that's what we are getting.

I think it's a good decision. Very adult of us. I wish we could take a trip together. During the school year would be very hard for us. Our 9 year old is a fragile child and doesn't do well without us. She would panic. (Maybe that's just me wanting to be needed..who knows.)

So I've had a very tough time these last few days. Had trouble getting out of bed today. Triggers, Triggers everywhere. So H sent me some flowers. It helped. Can't sleep. Can't look at H. The thought of SF makes me cringe.

Tell me this will pass. I know it will. I know I'll be better after the trigger dates. I think 3 weeks from now I'll be better.

After the trigger dates I won't feel the pressure of knowing they are coming and I'll be able to sleep then right?

I hope you all are doing well.

2B please tell me you aren't on one of the rollercoaster downslopes. If you are we are here for you.

Hope you all are well. Naivegirl...are you alright?

Top-Rope - how's Roughroad? Have you seen her around?

HW,

Looks pretty grim for RR right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
She is about 99.99999% sure she is about to be "served" her papers any day now. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

YOU can get the full scoop on her most current thread.

Thanks for trying with FInMe, it is appreciated! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Try to get to you ladies again soon. (Still got my question for ya 2Be??)
Life is just SOOOO darn busy these days.

(In fact, I get my first "solo" practice tonight).
Think I've got a better than average plan.....but with 5/6/7 year olds... Ya Just Never Know.
So wish me luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
later

[See I can write a "brief" message.....didn't think I had it in me, Did Ya??] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Be honest.

Why is it that the administrators "flood protection" always seems to kick in while I'm posting? (Which as you may NOT know causes all these double and even Triple posts).
Hate it, just haaate it!

ya, ya.....boo hoo me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 01:41 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

AAARRRGGGHHH!!

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 01:32 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

Top-Rope -

I knew you could be brief. I'm impressed. So practice tonight....practice what? Tell us, has FOM attempted contact with your W again? How are things going with you? Mother ok? Nephew climb'n trees again?

OK guys...big day tomorrow for Heroswife. 10 year anniversary!

I've had a rough last few days...triggers took over. I'm better today. Still not looking forward to tomorrow.

I've come such a long way. I know it would be worse.

2B - If you're out there drop us a line. I know you are going through triggers right now too.

Heroswife - While your on, I wanted to thank you for your advice. The IG was helpful and explained the full ramifications of all possibilities.

THANKS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Faithinme -

I'm glad you found my advice helpful. I think people see A's in the military as an automatic path to justice but that's not always true. Many times the price of exposure is someone's future. My lawyer told me in the beginning that if I went forward with the information my would probably lose his job and take money away from my children in the long run. Then there are the cases where the military tries to keep the wife quiet and tell her there's nothing they can do.

When people are weak and take 'no' for an answer they get their way but you have other outlets if you take this route and that's the response they give you. I am very outspoken and take extreme offense to being pushed around or talked down to. I made my intentions very clear...cut it out or 'you'll be living in a van down by the river, eating a steady diet of government cheese'. I would have started a letter writing campaign, gone to local news stations....you name it. In my mind I thought what media outlet wouldn't want the story. The war, the rescue mission, the medals and news coverage, death of our close friend and then.....sa-zaam! We can't sit back and be walked on.


I'm just glad I could help you and I hope you are doing well.

I will keep you in my prayers. If you pray I found prayer very calming and helpful.

Hey Heroswife,

HAPPY 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Here's wishing you and your H a very happy day today...

Hopefully, I'll make it home on R&R for our 18th anniversary this coming December!

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Heroswife....

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

I wish you and your husband a wonderful anniversary and many many more to come! A new beginning for both of you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love,
LJB

PS.....just so you know I haven't been around much. I am flying under the radar so to speak. You know about the horrible trigger dates that I have been and will be facing and needless to say it's getting the better of me. Melt down, well that would be to say the least. Seems like I haven't been very helpful lately on the board and when my attitude is the way it is right now, it's better for everyone I stay away. I don't want to bring people down. So enough about me.....

I want and hope you enjoy your anniversary. Don't think of it as celebrating the past year as I know we all would rather forget it. But think of it as a new beginning, celebrate the many years to come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That's what I did!

Naivegirl -

I've missed hearing from you lately. I hope you are doing well. Have you picked anything to burn yet? there has to be something. Maybe just write down a bunch of the bad memories and burn those.

Rebuilding in faith 90 -

than you for the congrats. I do appreciate it. I too hope you get to come home to enjoy your 18th annv. That's a HUGE accomplishment. Better yet, I hope they send you home for good. It has to be very difficult to work on your M so far away from those you love.

2B -

I'm glad to hear from you. I am worried that you are having such a rough time. I have struggled a lot lately with those stupid trigger dates. I"m not sure why my H hasn't left me because of my pittiful attitude lately. Last night he said, thank you for the last 10 years. And like a jerk I said, you don't have to thank me.......at least not for the first 9! Couldn't keep your mouth shut could you Heroswife....had to drive in the knife. I felt terrible.

Anyway, plesae try to keep your chin up and come back to us when you are feeling better. I know what it's like to need a break and to just lay low for a while.

I will pray for you. Sending you lots of virtual {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hey everyone,

Sorry I haven't posted lately. Been busy, out of town, and getting ready to go to my H's 20th high school reunion today.

HW - Happy 10th Anniversary. I hope you had a great day. Prayers and Hugs.

2B - Thinking about you with the triggers. Prayer and Hugs.

Top Rope - Thinking about you too. Prayers and Hugs.

Sorry this is so short and generic. I will write more later. Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still around. We are doing soooo much better. Looking forward to today. MIL is staying with our boys - so we get to stay in a hotel by ourselves. Yeah!

NG <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

NG -

Glad to hear things are better for you. And hotel time without children...what a relief. I knwo you probably needed some alone time. Please post here and let us know how things go.

2B -

How's it going on your end? Halloween is right around the corner. I hope you are not being overwhelmed with triggers right now. I know you are having a tough time and I am here for you. Baby steps these next few days. Baby steps!

The annv was fine. Nothing special. No big plans. We bought a dinning room table. We love it. The day itself was uneventful.

That's all for now. Trigger day today. Not looking forward to it.

Hello…..

Sounds like you made it through your anniversary. What kind of table did you end up getting? We finally got a really nice table last year. I was in a car accident a few years ago and that was finally settled. So we went out and bought a whole bunch of stuff. In the 10 years we have been together we had never really gotten anything new. Everything was always given to us fairly new or we got from garage sales. It was nice to finally have something that no one has owned before us…lol

I had a very difficult weekend and am having a very difficult time as you well know. Friday I went to a Stampin Up party and I met someone new, and guess what her name was. Yeah, you guessed it, the same name as the FOW, spelled the same way and everything. I’m having a get together at my house in a couple of weeks and she’s coming. Why do I do this to myself? I told H I made a new friend and guess what her name was. Then of course the name was everywhere on the TV, all freaking weekend.
H worked a double shift last night, which was good for me. I was a mess.

I hate being like this, I feel I am losing an uphill battle. My patience are hardly there, my poor kids have been snapped at so much this weekend. I don’t even want to face Halloween. It makes me sick to even think about what they were doing that night, and then to think of the fact she was in MY truck. All I want to do is to destroy it. Of course it doesn’t help it’s that time of the month.

Last night I basically cried myself to sleep, all I want to do is fast forward till after the first of the year. I have all these feelings again and I’m not to sure how to handle them. I have so much anger towards my H and I’m not sure it’s happening like this again. I feel like I did when I found out. Is it because I am having to face a huge trigger day, I don’t know. H knows something is wrong because I’ve been keeping my distance. Do I really have to spell it out for him, I mean god. Like he doesn’t know what the hell he was doing last year at this time. And if one more person tells me it was a year ago I am going to scream. Yeah it may have been a year ago for him, but it hasn’t been for me. Seems like yesterday a lot of times.

Why did he have to do this, why didn’t he love us enough. Didn’t he realize that this would be devastating to me and to us? I know he isn’t totally to blame, I know this. I just don’t understand if you love someone how you could take that kind of a chance with your marriage.

Ok, enough of my pity party. How was your weekend, are the kids excited for Halloween? I still need to take my kids down and get their costumes, guess I can’t put that off any longer…lol

Sorry you are having to deal with another trigger day. You are handling them great though, I am jealous! I'm sending hugs your way!

Thanks for your support! Don’t know what I’d do without you!

Hugs,
LJB

2B u a,

Hey, there!
I too am sorry your having such a tough time right now.

However, IMO [when your feeling this way] this IS THE TIME to come on here and post (or vent, or B*tch, or cry...whatever it is you need to do At That Moment).

But it's NOT the time to GO off and Hide by yourself.
Face it your with yourself (inside your OWN head....with all your "thoughts") ALL the time.

NO, instead come here and at least get your "feelings" validated. Sometimes that in itself is enough (to at least take the worst of the edge off).

And you know what? Sometimes we even have a decent suggestion or 2.

Next, Please don't take the rest here as an attack or harsh 2 x 4's coming your way.
Its just some observations.
But my approach can sometimes come across as TOO Blunt.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From 2B us Again:
Do I really have to spell it out for him, I mean god. Like he doesn’t know what the hell he was doing last year at this time? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunately, YES You DO!
NO, He doesn't "get it"!
And like it or NOT he's not a mind reader.
AND NO he can't borrow My Crystal Ball (ha, ha).

So guess what?
Your going to have to TELL him when something is bothering you.
And...your going to HAVE to TELL him "WHAT" it is that is bothering YOU!
Its either that or continue in this same pattern that you've got going now. (& nobody wants that!)

NO, I'll freely admit I have not read every post you've ever written here.
However, from what I have read.....you seem to have this tendency to "not want to rock the boat".

I'll give you credit for trying to be strong. Trying to be strong and "protect" your H from feeling guilty about what he has done.
Basically sacrificing yourself and what you need for closure.....to make it easier for him.

Unfortunately, that strategy is NOT working out for you.

For one....YOU NEED to talk about his A (of course, Not all the time......but sure as H*LL NOT Never either).

Truly , He needs to feel the pain he has inflicted upon you. This is the ONE thing that can come as close to a guarantee as your going to get in this entire mess, [that he won't do it again].

In addition, as strong as you are.....your only human and you get weak after a while.
That is when not only you are miserable, but so is your H and so are your children.
That is why you MUST begin to do something different.

2b, its OK to have a pity party ....NOW and Then. (we all have them).
The trick is to not let yourself get bogged down in it for long stretches.

One way to get out of it more quickly is too NOT attempt to "handle" it all by yourself (by keeping what is bothering you TOO yourself).
All this does is guarantee that this "feeling" will come back at some point (as you are not dealing with the "reasons" behind the feelings).

Indeed, Bottling it all UP....is of no help to anyone.

I know your feeling really down right now....so I'll cut this short (as to not give you too much of what you might consider more negativity) at one time.

I don't want you too think that I am condemning your efforts. Cause I'm NOT!
I think you are giving a true and honest effort.
So I applaud you in your "trying" to make things Better (for everyone). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

However, IMO your not using the best strategy or Plan that you could.
Your doing yourself and as a result your M ( & family) a major "disservice" by consistenly putting YOURSELF last (in what appears to be almost everything).
Your self sacrifice (although commendable & I feel done for the "right" reasons) is only getting you the "wrong" end results.

That is one of the things that must change.

Anyway, enough from me. I realize this is going to be a tough month for you....but we'll be here to help you through it.
We'll all get through it together! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

HW,
Getting really tired of this server...that first won't let me onto the forum site at All and then keeps giving me these double (triple) posts.
Its really getting on my last nerve!

Anyway, glad to read you went & got your new table.
(We almost got one last Christmas). It was hand made and cost about &1800 - $2500.
But man, was it NICE.

However, that was the problem. It was SOOO Nice, that I couldn't take the chance of getting it while I still have 3 younger kids. [Cause if one of them had ruined it, after spending all that $MONEY$....well lets just say ...I would have regretted it....But so would THEY!]

Next: After we "chatted" about your anniversary.....I felt it best to just leave it alone.
(Hence, NO congrats on it).
I just didn't know how big a trigger it was going to be....and didn't want to pile on with "Bad" thoughts if you WERE having a tough time of it.
If I read the situation wrong, then I do apologize to you.........just know I did it for what IMO were the Right reasons.

Happy though that it seems to have been at least "OK" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> for you. That's encouraging in itself.

Hang in there ladies.........it does get better eventually (if your doing what you should be, that is).
later all

<small>[ October 25, 2004, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

Hi top rope!!!

Your right in many of the things you said, and I didn’t take anything you said as 2x4’s even though sometimes I do need them along with a slap upside the head. I do need to come here and vent or whatever, it does help especially to not LB H.

I am very good at the going off to hide by myself. I have always faced what is going on in my head on my own, especially while the affair was going on. When I did try and talk to H it turned into a nasty ugly fight. I’ve told him that I am scared to talk to him about my feelings because of the way he treated me while the affair was going on. He had always managed to turn things but became horribly mean, verbally, while the affair was going on. I learned to just shut up and deal with whatever I was feeling or thinking. We have talked about it and when I have talked to him he has done very well at not getting mad or treating me like he use to, it’s just hard to break that cycle once you have gotten use to it. But I do recognize it needs to be done and I am the only one that can do it.

You all do have great suggestions, I am just one I don’t like to burden people with my problems, you guys are going through enough. I’ve always been that way, I love to help people, but I am not much for “being” helped I guess is the way to put it.

I know I need to tell him what is going on with me, it is just so hard. You are right, I do put myself last in many many cases. I just don’t understand how he can not get it. That just doesn’t make sense to me. And what do you mean he isn’t a mind reader, you guys should be able to read our minds by now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Geesh…lol

You have a crystal ball, man I am jealous. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I want one, well then again, maybe not. LOL

Your right, I don’t like to rock the boat. Hate it. In the past I was bad about throwing stuff in his face from something that has happened in the past. I know I did this so with this I am trying so very hard to not do this. I don’t want him to think that I trying to “punish” him for this over and over again because I “just can’t get over it”. How do you discuss this without it seeming like I am trying to punish him, because that is so not what I want to do.

It’s horrible I have to muster up enough courage to talk to my own husband. But your right, what I am doing is not working. And it has gotten to the point that I feel I am going to have a nervous breakdown if I don’t say something to him.

You can just come here and talk to my H for me okay, you have said it all so well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I am still waiting on that question you keep telling us you need to ask. Waiting and waiting….How is your W? How have things been going between you two. How is your mom?

Thanks for the talk, you guys are great!

Hugs,
LJB

2B -

It's so good to hear from you. I'm glad you posted today. I was hoping you would.

We bought a normal table....solid wood, modern but a tad traditional. I saw it and fell in love with it. It's very nice and I'm happy with my choice. Nothing crazy and wild like I'd planned.

I know all too well about having hand me down furniture and garage sale stuff. I've started to build my own collection of new items!

I'm sorry you had a difficult weekend. I wish I had words of wisdom to share but I can't think of one thing that might make it better. I've decided that sometimes I just need to feel sad. And it's OK to feel sad. It's not a pitty party it's human.

I share your thoughts of frustration about FOW's name. I see her name everywhere. Here's some insult to add to the injury. My 2 year old was chanting it the other day. Yep "Vickie Vickie Vickie!" It was the name of a character on a movie she was watching. I was blown away. I looked to the sky like....God are you kidding me!??!?! This is a joke right?!?!?!

Here's where my triggers have taken me:

Will I ever get over this? Will this pain go away? Can I heal? Will I ever be able to look at him like I did before, with 100% love in my heart? Will I ever reach a point where I don't cringe when he touches me or when he tries to kiss me?

That's where I am right now. I do know that my triggers are causing me to have these feelings. I know there's nothing I can do to make that stop right now. I am only hoping that the other side of these triggers looks better then where I am right now.

I don't want to throw a pity party. Maybe comiserating is not a pity party.....maybe just allowing ourselves to be sad is healing too? I don't know.

Our weekend was fine. I hated the trigger dates and I tried to just keep my distance to avoid LBs. The kids are excited about Halloween. I"m not. The baby will be a flower, fairy princess and I"m not sure what my 9 year old will be. She's still deciding. I'll have to throw soemthing together at the last minute.

Please stay strong and know that we have no choice but to get up in the mornings and face the day.....regardless of the triggers we have to go on. Going on doesn't mean acting like it didn't happen and going on doesn't me we can't express pain and hurt and saddness.

sending you {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}