Mr TP......

I also have to apologize for I did not see your post, I don’t visit the board much during the weekend. But I hope you know that by “putting yourself out there” isn’t a burden to me and I am sure HW feels the same way. So please DO NOT feel that way. But I can understand the hesitation and respect your feelings about sharing. By telling us what’s going on in that head of yours, isn’t adding to my plate, if anything it’s giving me a break from my reality and focusing on someone else.

HW…

The job….ohhhh what a mess. He is being moved out of where he is at and starting in the middle of Jan. will be going to swing shift, right now he’s on days. NOT HAPPY. The only nice thing about this whole thing is that for the next few weeks starting in a week or two, he’ll have weekends off till the shift change. So that means he’ll have Christmas Eve and Christmas off and New Year’s Eve and New Years off. What a change from last year. I keep telling myself that is gods way of making this time of the year better for me, but then it’s like a slap in the face because he’ll be going to swing shift so we never see each other. So now we’ve got all the pressures of the affair and now the added stress of not seeing each other because of his flipping job. I’m not looking forward to having to do everything by myself again, it’s been very nice having him on days and he can help me out with the kids at night. I’ll be back to basically being a single mom again, and I hate it.

I have told him my worries and fears and he’s trying to assure me everything will be fine but I have my doubts…….

Anyways, on a lighter note, you want to stamp your Christmas cards. If you go to www.stampinup.com, on the left side of the screen there is a spot that you can click, to find a demonstrator in your area. Or you can find a stamping store in your town and they will have all sorts of stuff also. I am partial to the Stampin up stuff, their stuff just seems to work better, and their stamps stamp way better. Let me know what you find out!

Hugs,
LJB

2B,

I'm sorry to hear about the job situation. I certainly understand job problems! My H has always had a job where he has to work a lot. Of course, that is how it was so easy for him to hide the A from me. I was so used to him working at odd hours. But he is coming home on time now and not working nearly as much. Now, he is good about prioritizing and making some things wait that couldn't wait before.

I'm glad that he will get to spend more of the holidays with you. Is there anyway for him to get a new job? One that would allow for more family time? I'm all about finding a new job - can't you tell?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

HW,

Job hunt. Well, nothing yet. The headhunter letters went out at the end of last week. And I emailed some resumes yesterday that I found on the web. I pray that we will get some type of call soon. We need to do some followup to the letters that were sent out.

I'm not sure about a refund if they don't find him a job. However, I do know that he can use their services for 5 years with the package we purchased. Of course, they have all kinds of additional services they want to sell you. Like an answering service so they can answer inquiry calls like your own secretarial service. We didn't opt to pay for that one.

TP,

You don't have to tell us stuff if you don't want. But I promise we won't bite and we will try to help. As 2b says, sometimes it is nice to be able to help someone else for a change. Also, I understand how you are. My H has posted out here as well, but he tends to help people as opposed to asking for advice. He is very private and a man of few words. You tend to write a lot, like me. But I love to write and have hopes of writing something significant one day. Of course, I have had that dream since high school and have never found the time to actually complete anything more than a short article. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Talk to y'all later,
ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey there all.

If your interested, Don't forget that MOM 2 3 boys / Dad to three boys are on Dr. Phil today.
(She's saying that she takes charge this week).

Set your VCR ,(TVO), whatever and watch it with your H.
That's what I'm doing. IT may not help....but it can't hurt.

Just consider it part of your "quality" 15 hours per week. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I was just about to go find this thread and see where y'all are. I do plan to watch and record Dr. Phil today.

Talk to y'all later.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm watching now. I can't record it but I wish I could. My H is on his way home right now.

I'm not feeling so well. He's coming to take care of the kids so I can rest. I really feel like crap.

Mom is really kicking butt today. Dad just told her she brought her A game to the show.

I feel so sorry for those kids. This is one of those situations where you wouldn't believe it's true unless you saw it with your own eyes. I wonder if anyone would feel shocked to hear my story...I'd never have the nerve to go on Dr. Phil though.

Dad just stuck his foot in his mouth.

He just looked at the camera and said..."guys out there, I'm taking this for you."

The audience boo'd him. What a jerk!

2B, NG, Top-Rope.....

Anyone around? Hello Hello Hello

HW,

I'm here. I completely missed your posts last week concerning the Dr. Phil show. I watched it though. I agree with you, I couldn't go on the show and talk about all that stuff. That was funny though when Mom commented "She lives with her mom." I think shortly after that he made the comment about her bringing her A game today.

My children are out of school for the whole week this week. They are still sleeping (yea!) so I'm up and actually getting to watch Good Morning America and check the message boards.

We are going to go see The Polar Express this afternoon. My H is taking off early to meet us there. So that should be fun. I'm not working this week, so we are just goofing off.

What is going on with you? Are you doing ok?

NG -

It's good to hear from you. Things are fine here. Just getting ready for the Holidays. Big trigger week for me last week. Over that hump and now feel rejuvinated.

Let me know how the Polar Express is. I love that book and have for years. I can't wait to go see it.

Anything special planned for Turkey Day?

HW,

I don't know how I missed your post yesterday. I guess I was busy trying to do stuff around here.

Anyway, I thought the movie was great! We all liked it. Tom Hanks plays several characters and was wonderful as usual.

We are going to my parents house for Thanskgiving. They live about 30 minutes away.

What are your plans?

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HW, 2B, TP,

I've got to go do some errands today including the grocery store (yuk!). I really hate to have to go the day before Thanksgiving with two children.

Anyway, I wanted to wish you all a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Happy Thanksgiving to you ALL!

I hope that you and yours enjoy the day for what it is.......as we do ALL have Much to be Thankful for.

[If your are driving....be alert.....lots of nuts out there, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> so be extra careful]

Sincerely hope that the holiday is more of a time of coming together & reconnecting for you and your S, then one of triggers and bad times.
I know this isn't always the case...but it is what I wish for You.

Keep it light and Don't get TOOOO stressed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Its just Food, fun and Football.....so if uncle what's his name is getting on your nerves, just tune him out and he'll be gone in a few hours.

So go make sure the food isn't burning....then get stuffed....then take a Nap.
(The Dishes can Wait till tomorrow!!)
[Unless your anal about those types of things] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .
Ooops, did I just say that?

Gotta run to the store before they close.
Thinkin of you (as we'll all be doing the SAME thing at the same time [pretty much anyway]).
How often does that happen?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hey y'all,

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. Ours was very nice.

HW - you might appreciate my thread I started over the weekend.
Southern Cooking

Talk to y'all later.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hello All -

How was everyone's Turkey Day?!?!?! I trust you all ate your weight in Turkey?!?! I tried but was not successful. I did, however, eat at least half of my weight in turnip greens! Yes, I will confess that is my weakness.

I want details from you guys. I haven't heard a lot from 2B lately and I'm a little worried. Anyone else hear from her?

HW,

I haven't heard from 2B either. I emailed her a while back. She had emailed me to see how I was because she hadn't seen me on the boards. But I haven't heard back from her.

I hope she is doing ok. Maybe she'll check in later since the holiday is over.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I sent her an email. Maybe she'll respond.

Cross your fingers!

I'll send her one too.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello...I am here. Didn't mean to make you guys worry. I've had ALOT going on lately and I'm mentally on overload and emotionally exhausted.

I had a good Turkey day, spent it with my family. I'm glad to hear everyone else's Thanksgiving was good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My puppy graduates from puppy school next Monday, I'm so excited. He's doing so well.

I'll give you all an update later today, I've got to get some work done! Hope you all are doing well and have a great day!

Hugs,
LJB

Hello there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Hope this thread isn't dying a natural death.

Guess I'll just write something and see what happens.

Turkey day was Nice (relaxing).
We just stayed home and made it OUR Family day.
(We were supposed to go to my in-laws...as my children were going to spend their school break with their Grand parents) but then my oldest got an invite to a Birthday party on Friday and there was NO WAY I was driving back and forth on Thursday ... just to turn around and take them back on SAT.

So we stayed at home (YEA) for the holiday and then my wife (without me...double yea) took my kids over on Sat. Unfortunately, I did have to pick them up by myself on Monday....but I only have to deal with my MIL for 10 minutes or so....So no problem there.

We are pretty simple so the menu was pretty basic (Turkey, potatoes, stuffing, rolls, peas, corn, gravy, some cheese and black olives to snack on and pumpkin and cherry pie).
Nothing fancy just Peace and Quite.

But I have a Birthday party to go to next Sunday. For my nephew and yes my in-laws will be there. BLAAAAAH!

Now what got me in kind of a funk??
I caught my wife lying AGAIN. ( a week and a half to 2 weeks ago).

For those who don't know, my W quite smoking about 7 months ago.
She said she did it for ME, as its something I've always wanted her to do.
I was OVERJOYED and very Happy she did this.
In fact, I made a point to brag about to everyone....that' how much I thought it meant.

Well, to make it short....I caught her at it (smelled it , of course);

So I go ahead and confront her about it.
She confesses.

But ONLY because she is caught (I mean I could have searched her car, her purse, the whole nine yards)....so there was NO point in hiding in any longer.

In addition, she wanted to be able to Smoke at HOME again......so why not confess, as the jig is up and she gets what she wants anyway.

Apparently, she has been hiding this from me for the last month or so (who really knows for sure??).

Now this is from the woman who's entire "problem" with me is that she "ISN'T" lying to me anymore. Give me a break here!

She wants to say this is not like the A.....so its apples and oranges.

Well, I just don't see it that way.
NOT Even Close!

To me lying and deception about anything... is unacceptable at this point in time.

I'm sick of her philosophy ... which is,
She would rather ask for Forgiveness, than Permission!!
(This is from her mouth...not mine).

This way she always gets to DO "whatever" it is she wants to do.....and then ONLY has to catch heck for it...... "IF" she actually gets caught.

This has been my fear since D-day.
IT is the FIRST Question I put to each consoler we saw (either IC or MC) being 6 in all.......that question being:
"has my W changed at some "fundamental" level and become someone that just lies and deceives when they feel its in their best interest".

(ya know, kind of like puberty or "innocence"....once that line is crossed you can never go back).

Apparently she has.
OR maybe she's always been this way.....and I've just been too "dense" to pick up on it.

Then she wants some kind of points......because she answered when actually asked.

Ok, but you only came clean ONCE you were Busted (and I had or could get, 100% proof).

This is hardly the case of someone that has a crises of conscious and "confesses" because they are feeling guilty or want to make things right between themselves and their S.
Her logic just baffles me most of the time.

She doesn't seem to understand that if she wanted to smoke , then go ahead (He*l, I put up with it for more than 15 years) so no big deal there....but the current and continued betrayal is just TOO much... in the face of all she's already subjected me too.

I'm particularly upset about this....because my W's "mantra" for the past year has been ," Yes, I lied to you in the past, but I am not lying to you NOW !"
[meaning "whenever" we are currently having a discussion]

OH REALLY??

And I'm not even all that angry....just majorly Disappointed to the nTH degree.
It just blows what Trust I have managed to cobble together....right out the tail pipe.
Truly Bites the big one.

Her lies are testing me MORE so then the actual A itself did.
Never would have thought that would be the case....but it IS!

Unfortunately, the "What's the point" question begins to creep back in.... and I'm actually listening this time.
(How can I not, when its screaming in my ear??)

Anyway enough of my ranting for today. Doesn't get me real far in any case......

Today all I keep hearing is Billy Joel's
"A matter of trust": [here's a sample]

Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will it's just a question of when ...

Last verse:
Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
After you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why....

Hey there TP….

Nice vent you had there! We need to do that every now and again. Poor HW got an email full the other day. I don’t think this thread is slowly dying, I think we just all have a lot going on right now. I know I do anyways.

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time right now. And I do understand that a lie is a lie and right now that isn’t acceptable. BELIEVE me, I understand, I truly do, so bare with me here, okay. I am going to play devils advocate here, and that does not mean that I agree with what your W did.

She obviously knew how happy you were that she quit smoking, you told people and made a big deal about it. She knew this was something you wanted for a long time. I’m not a smoker so I don’t understand the addiction, but that is what it is. Some people can just quit others can’t and they do fall off the wagon (bad analogy, but you get my drift). I’m not saying that her hiding it from you was right, but maybe just maybe she was afraid of disappointing you. She knew that when (it was inevitable) you found out how disappointed you would be. And with everything else you guys are trying to get past, this is just something else that yet once again you are disappointed in her with.

If she wanted to start smoking at home again, maybe she was just trying to muster up enough “courage” to ask you and you just managed to beat her to the punch. Again, I’m not saying this is what is going on or I agree with the lying. Have you asked her why she didn’t say anything to you that she had started smoking again?

No, I don’t think she understood that if she just wanted to smoke then hey, go ahead because you have put up with it for so many years. She probably didn’t want to disappoint you, knowing how happy you were that she did quit, by starting up again.

You made a comment that her lies are testing you more than the A. Has there been other lies?
I hope you’re not mad, I’m just trying to play devils advocate. Even though I hate it when people do it to me, it does make me think of other possibilities.

I’m glad you had a nice Thanksgiving. Are you getting all ready for Christmas? We don’t even have a tree up yet. I am having a real hard time getting into it this year, so many crappy memories and triggers. But gotta do it for the kids. I think I am going to start my shopping this weekend, but we’ll see. We have our Christmas party this weekend maybe that will get me in the mood.

I hope your day gets better! I’ll be thinking about you!

Hugs,
LJB