2B,

Well, as for Christmas, my wife and kids went and got the Tree on Sat. (Believe it or not, we live right next door to a Christmas Tree Farm).

You get to look out the window and watch all the folks struggling up the hill to find "just the right tree". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Pretty funny most of the time.

(Guess if I had more of my W's ethics, I'd simply sneak out during the night and save myself a few buck$.) Yea, I know.....cheap shot. Doesn't make it any less true, though.

And as far a shopping.....haven't even started yet.......really DON'T even want to Think <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> About IT! yuck

Next:
My first Trigger day, has to be the DAY after Christmas.
This is when I FIRST found out and knew something was going on with her and ?someone?.

[I found a Teddy in her work bag after we had taken 2 of our kids to the doctor's office....there we switched cars for her to take the kids home, while I went to the pharmacy to get the medicine......I went into her bag for a piece of gum and there it was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ].

Needless to say I sat there for a good 10 minutes just NOT believing what I saw.
Or NOT Wanting to believe the implications. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

[YOU know, the whole " It couldn't be...NOT my WIFE!!!"]

So I gave her every opportunity to give me a REASON that it could be in her bag, (without her KNOWING I was testing her of course)... and she FAILED every one... with lie upon lie.

So this is when my Search for the truth began.

Worst part is......IT was MY Favorite item of lingerie she had <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .
I mean I picked it out and bought it for her.{needless to say.....she won't be wearing it for ME again}.
Which is tooooo bad, cause I really did like it (and LIKE IT a LOT).

As far as a vent, that's not really why I come here.
I was just attempting to let you guys IN somewhat (as that Is what you've said you'd like).
But there is plenty TO VENT about (so maybe I'll give it some thought).

But I'm mostly just tired. (Tired of the fight and the struggle). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Weary of holding this all together.
Remember I'm a little further down the road on this then you.

I mean 2 YEARS down the line......and this kind of crap is STILL going on!
SHEEEEESH!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 09:17 AM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

TP,

Sorry to hear that your wife has started smoking again. I know that is hard for you. My father smoked (and still does) off and on while I was growing up. He'd say he was quitting, then would start back again. It got to where you couldn't believe him either.

I just wanted to let you know I'm still out here. I read your post last week but didn't have time to post.

H and I celebrated our 12th anniversary yesterday. Actually, we went out to eat and did a little shopping by ourselves Sat. night. We stayed around the house and watched movies and played with the boys yesterday. It was a good anniversary.

We got our tree up last weekend. So we've been enjoying it all week. I hope you feel better this week. And please, feel free to vent. It really does help.

2B,

I hope your Christmas party got you to feeling better and in a little bit of a holiday mood. I understand the triggers. I'm having them too. H and OW were emailing and carrying on this time last year. They even emailed on our anniversary last year and probably the year before that when it all started. So yeah, lots of those d#!m triggers. It is amazing how many things can be triggers. I try to ignore most of them. But then there are those moments of overwhelming sadness. But then, lots of happiness. So weird, these emotions on this roller coaster.

HW,

I hope you are doing well. Do you have your tree up yet? Let us know what is going on.

Anyway, just my update for the day. I think I would feel better if he could get that new job. But then again I get scared for him to change jobs in this day and time.

Actually, I think this is a real bad time of year to be looking for a job. I think we may hold off on the serious searching until the first of the year. If something comes along, we'll apply, but other than that, I'm too busy right now. It takes a lot of time to job hunt.

Talk to y'all later.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Anybody around today? I've been Christmas shopping and spending too much $$. Boy, things are expensive and we are not really buying that much this year. It all adds up way too fast.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hey everyone...

It's been a whirlwind last few days. My grandma is in the hospital. She has two blocked arteries. One is 95% blocked the other is 80% blocked. I guess they went ahead and did the angioplasty (spelling) and everything went good. That is a relief.

TP....

I'm glad that you opened up and let us in. It's nice to see that side of you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I know what you mean about the holidays being a trigger. It's a big one for me also. Christmas Day is a big trigger for me. My husband got me absolutely nothing last year. He hurt my feelings so bad, not to mention things were still in full swing between them and things were horrible between us. I just as soon skip this crappy holiday and be done with it but what can you do. If I didn't have kids I'd skip the holiday all together, but since we do I can't. We are going and getting a tree this weekend, maybe that will help lift my spirits.

I can understand your frustration of having to still deal with these feelings some 2 years later. I know my frustration of dealing with this for just 8 months. Guess that saying one step forward and two steps back is more accurate than we would like to admit.

HW....
Hey girl, haven't heard from you in awhile. Are things okay??? Hope everything is going okay for you, just pop in and say hi if you're around!

NG....
Did you get my email the other day, I replied to you? Sorry the job search is going so slow. I wish my H would find another job also. I'm so sick of the shift work and not having a family life.

How is the Christmas shopping going everyone? I haven't even started yet, other than buying some gifts I need to ship off. pretty sad huh, boy am I going to regret waiting till the last minute. We are putting our tree up this weekend I think, maybe that will kick start my holiday spirit!

Hope everyone is doing okay!

Love,
LJB

2be,

Yes, I know all about the NOT getting a thing for Christmas.

I got NOTHING as well last year (or the year before for that matter).

Yet, after going back over the bills (yes, after the fact) I found out my W had gotten OM gifts in the range of over $300.00. While I didn't even RATE a card.

Then to make it worse, in order to cover her REAL intent (at work) she spent about the same on others where she worked ....All to make it seem OK.

(This doesn't include giving herself to the CLB the day after Christmas for the types of SEX I NEVER got.....& in MY sexy lingerie no less).
Well, mine for HER to wear that is!

On the bright side, we got the Tree decorated on Monday. Everyone seemed to enjoy the process!

Happy to hear of your Grandma. (that she's doing well, that is).

Now, Just a little friendly advice.
Don't expect the Holidays to somehow "magically" make your mood better or make things allright.

This is NOT to say don't Try and do your utmost to enjoy yourself.
If you Can FEEL the holiday spirit.....then great......it can only Help you.

However, don't set yourelf up for the TRAP of thinking you "have" to be in good spirits (when your situation may not warrent it) and that there is something somehow "wrong" with you if you actually get more depressed then overjoyed.

Considering this is also a time of triggers for you......you need to go into all of this with a realistic mind set.... of course wanting to do your best (I understand for you and especially for the family)....but the reality is that this is all a process and you may indeed end up, in a way, sacrificing ONE holiday season ...so that, you may have REAL happiness down the line.

Not saying your doing anything negative intentianally.....just that this process doesn't take a "break" just because of holidays, birthdays, deaths, births, jobs or anything for that matter.

With that said, indeed, don't fixsate on it if its possible.
But on the other hand, don't just expect all of the emotions, thoughts or feelings to just somehow "magically" take a vacation until after the New Year.
If you do that, then your just setting yourself up for a Huge Fall.

I may have glossed over that a bit......but I hope the intent got through.

As for Shopping, don't want to even think about it.......but as time is growing short, guess I HAVE too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Hey everyone...who is around today?

Hey 2B,

I'm here every now and then. I'm busy cooking and wrapping some presents for a party tonight. So I don't really have too much time to post.

I've been reading some interesting posts on the Recovery Board. A FWH named 2ofaKind has some real good thoughts. It's been very enlightening for me. I've been getting my H to read them too. I wish he would post again - he did at first but is now "tired of the boards".

How are you? I hope your Christmas season is going ok. I know we both have those triggers going on.

I gotta go do some laundry and finish up the stuff I was cooking. I am not doing much work during Christmas. Just the Christmas stuff. I have a work meeting Wednesday morning then a field trip Thursday. After that the boys are out for two weeks.

Talk to you later. And yes, I did get your email you sent, thanks. Let me know how you are doing.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />