I'm in the "just found out" mode and still checking H emails and phone calls. He is upset because he expected me to just forgive, forget, and move on the day I found out. I told him that was not possible but that I would try.

So, last night I was checking internet history and saw that in a webcrawler search there were subjects like "dating services," "cheap hotels," and "silky sheets." So I am immediately upset, thinking that he has no intention of changing and called a friend for advice. She told me to let it go. Well, I couldn't and confronted him about it when he got home from work. He of course denied looking for those things and said he was looking for something about an office linebacker using that search engine. He told me they must be pop ups. I tried to believe him.

Anyway, tonight he is upset with me because he works with the friend and she told him that she told me to ignore it. He starts giving me his work laptop to check for emails and his cell in a very sarcastic manner. He told me that it doesn't matter what he does, I'm going to do what I want to do anyway. Now he has completely shut down and is not talking to me. What the heck?!

Why do I feel like I am the one getting the blame for the affair here? He doesn't want to talk about it and it is all that is on my mind. I went to see my counselor today and she gave me a book to read on surviving infidelity. I told him about it and he said that when I am ready and have worked through whatever it is I need to do, then let him know.

He apparently thinks I need to do this by myself and he shouldn't be involved or asked questions by me. Granted, I tend to get stuck on the same questions over and over again but still. Shouldn't he be willing to also work through this with me? Or is it really a solo effort in recovery?

Big LBs tonight on both of our parts. Any advice on how to get through this?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he said that when I am ready and have worked through whatever it is I need to do, then let him know. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Typical childish WS fog garbage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yes, he should be willing to work through this with you! He is trying to put the spin on you with an angry outburst. Wether he is still having a A or not he is full of Guilt and is retaliating for your investigations. Plan A him for that one. Right in the kisser. You feel like your getting the blame because he is trying to put the blame on you. Rest assured that you are doing the right thing in snooping. It is your right as his W to be concerned and investigate EVERYTHING. Nothing should be hidden from your eyes. Nothing!

If you haven't already Read "Surviving an Affair", "His Needs Her Needs", and "Love must be tough" by James Dobson then buy them immediately. Don't let him read LMBT or SAA. It will give away too much.

Please put up your stats in your signature so we can better tell what your situation is. Sorry that you are going through this. Things will get better with time. Remember that we are here for you and post often when you need to vent. Posting will help you to keep from LBing and let you think things thru.

Take Care

C.

Thanks for the reply shmaley. I have a hard time believing that the A is acutally over but according to proof that he has shown me, there has been no contact from OW since she found out I knew on Monday.

Tonight I asked him if we could discuss this situation like adults and he kept giving me the silent treatment. So, I am sleeping on the futon tonight. I wonder how long I am going to be blamed for his guilt?

I have already aknowledged and apologized for my part in the M that led up to the affair. I have been in plan A for about two months now. I've been making changes for me and for him to make us both happy. Actually finding out about the A is such a relief but a huge step back for me and makes plan A hard to follow through.

So glad for this forum to vent. It really helps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


jayla