Ok - things are coming to a head here. A friend of mine, ex-friend of OW, but still an aquaintence, called me today - we hadn't talked in a few months. Said she was worried about me, she heard a rumor today. Ran into OW who was having lunch with a friend - my friend asked how she was doing, and she told her she was leaving her H for my H. Pretty blatant news right off the bat, doncha think? Wouldn't you think she would say something more along the lines of "My H and I are splitting up" and not get specific about the messy reason? My friend said "I thought you and your H were trying to have a baby!" OW was with her own friend, who chimed in "that was LAST week."

My take on this was that OW knows this person is my friend, and would immediately call me to tell me about this statement and ask me if it was really true. To so boldly announce that she was leaving her H of 2 years for my H who has been married 14 years with 2 kids....it seems like she is almost cocky and/or proud about this situation! And I think she wanted it to get back to me, like she was not afraid to announce that this is the situation, no keeping a low profile, no more "socially acceptable" explanation, like this is no big surprise, no big deal.

But it was a surprise to my friend who called me and actually cried when I told her it appeared that my H and OW were in fact, planning to leave their respective spouses (and our kids) to be together.

I am torn between shock that OW is handling the situation like this, and real fear that OW is a little scary with her actions. Makes me all the more fearful for what kind of crazy situation she and my H will end up in, that my kids could be exposed to. I honestly think she said this to hurt me, to make a blatant, very confident statement about her and my H, knowing it would get back to me, regardless of how unsavory it came across. Does she expect people to say "Oh, how nice, I'm so happy for you"?

Anyway, maybe they have both decided its time to come "out of hiding" and start spreading the news. Just seems a little harsh to make this big revelation with all the messy details right off the bat. I wonder how my H will tell our friends and work colleagues - "I'm leaving my wife for another woman" seems a bit socially awkward if you ask me.

Guess it makes no difference in the long run, if everything is suppose to come to pass as they plan it. Just scary to see what my H is dealing with, and what me and the kids will also have to deal with as a result of his decision to make her the new woman in his life.

The OW's bold announcement may be her way of making sure your H follows through on his promises to her. Reminds me of a woman who was living with her boyfriend and had the honeymoon and wedding all planned and ready to go -- she was on one path, and he was on another. He went along with her very open plans -- she backed him into a corner -- except it seems to me to have been what precipitated a break-up.

If I were you, I'd back off and see what he does. He has to choose. If he chooses her, you wouldn't want him anyway. But the fact that she is saying she has choosen him doesn't mean that he has chosen her. In fact, her public display of commitment may be a little off-putting, like a woman proposing to a man.

Cherished

"OW spreading the news about her & my H"

Good!

The best exposure is self exposure.

She likely is in such a stupor that she's actually proud of her situation - regardless of whether she's trying to "hurt" you or not.

I presume you've exposed to her husband.

Maybe she said it because it is true?

Unfotunately, I think it definitely is true. OW was rejected first time around, when she left her boyfriend (now husband) for my H, and he didn't leave me. H told me she wouldn't leave her H this time unless he was a sure thing. As of last weekend, he tells me they plan to move in together as soon as possible after he leaves. He has not waivered from this plan in over a month, except when he has been alone with me and the kids on some of our weekends out of town.

So I think this is definitely happening unless some miracle occurs to stop it. My concern is that it seems a little strange that she would phrase it that way, not something I would think she would want to be proud of. Also, I think she knew this person would contact me immediately to double check, since it seems so unbelievable to everyone who knows us. Another friend who has actually been a good friend to my H, said he was "appalled" to hear what their plan was. I think this will be the general consensus, as no one is going to say "hey, thats wonderful news!"

Maybe she thinks that people that know about the first affair 5 years ago will say, "Well, its about time, I always knew you two were meant for each other and would eventually end up together"
I just don't think many people want to see a couple get together at the expense of two marriages and breaking up a family, especially when at least our marriage appeared to be (and was as far as I was concerned) a happy one. The reaction of most of our friends has been "Oh my God - I would have expected this from Pat & Mike who fight all the time, or [censored] and Jane, who seem so mismatche, but not about you two, who seem so happy and secure!"

I think she deliberately wanted me to know that her attitude is that "she wins". I also think this kind of immaturity is scary if she is going to be a part of my kids lives. Another reason to protect them as much as possible from OW once she moves in with my H, as much as I can legally do it. She is very jealous of me, and I don't want my kids to get caught up in some junior high school type game playing.

I haven't told my H about this yet, he is out of town still on business. Last time he said one of the things that turned him away from her was her lack of empathy for me, no qualms about me getting hurt or her hurtful attitude about me. Seems like this will be the same this time as well, dispite the fact that "she wins", I guess.