OM has his daughter Saturday night, and with him occupied, I expect the sparrow to want to come and get things this weekend.

When she was here two weeks ago, it was tough. But it was rough on her too.

Afterward I was extremely sad for a couple of days.

I want to have a peaceful weekend. I don't want my life to be disrupted every two weeks because this punk has his daughter.

But that's not very "plan A" of me, is it?

Advice?

GC

GC,

I would suggest sticking to your plan a. It might be rough, and it probably will be. But if you make the best of it, it is possible to have a good weekend, even with WS there. All it does is give YOU more of a chance to show how you have changed, for the better. I have been trying to think of all the good things, finding one positive about every time I contact my WW.

GC,

Quick question, I have not read up on your situation completely, but is WW coming home because she does not want to be around OM daughter? Or is it just that OM is to busy?

She isn't coming home, necessarily. I just think she might want to.

Car4love has been very adamant with OM that he keep their daughter away from the sparrow, and so far he has, mostly, stuck to that. So when he has the little girl overnight, like he will tomorrow, my WW needs to find some other way to occupy herself.

I thought that perhaps saying no to her, in the most bright, cheerful, casual way - "Darn it sparrow, I'm awfully busy tomorrow; how about next weekend or sometime in the evening next week?" - might be okay. It shows I'm not just sitting there waiting for her to show up, and it gives me a chance to ease back into a little bit better plan A.

I see what you mean though. I'd better figure it out before she calls.

Or else I'm freaking over nothing and she won't call me at all...

GC

GC,

Worrying is not good, it will give you grey hairs before your time(and ulcers, or so I am told)...Not saying don't think about it, but it is always good to try to stay positive! I like your planned response, does it fit with the rest of your plan a? If it does, it sounds like you are on the right track!

It is quite possible to have a peaceful weekend while in Plan A. Here's how it's done:

Sparrow e-mail or voice mail: I want to come over and get things this weekend.

Graycloud: Great! I'll be gone for the weekend, have a good time with it.

And then BE gone for the weekend. Go up to Lake Superior and freeze your patooties walking on the lakeshore. Or go up to the Boundary Waters, or over to the Mississippi valley, or to Madison, or wherever your feet may take you this weekend.

Plan A is not about making yourself miserable so that your wife can do what she pleases.

{{{{{{{{{{{GC}}}}}}}}}}}}}
prayers to you and good luck no matter what, RR

Gee whiz, thanks RR.

Last night I was feeling pretty bummed. I got an email from car4love, and she was down too. And I wrote her a response to try and cheer her up.

It wound up cheering me up. A lot.

Work to give happiness to others, and you will somehow get it for yourself.

GC

"last night I was feeling pretty bummed."

It's got to be hard.

If you are staying away from her to protect yourself, just go to plan B. It would be easier on you.

If you wanted contact- try lunch at a light, airy, up beat place where you can tell her all about the wedding, your dog, and you can ask her about her trip.

Mean while, you sound good - for what is going on. I can see why your friends like you.

(later edit)
Oh, and I almost forgot. There are lots of places around here to bike. I have ridden some of them, and I have my favorites. I would be glad to show some to you if I have notice, and if it is not when I am doing trade shows. Aug 10th through the end of Aug would be hard, but early Sept would be good. Realize this is just an offer, if you prefer solo, or if the timing doesn't work for you, I understand.
I am really slow uphills, but do reasonably well down. The more notice I have, the easier it is for me to get away.

God be with you.

SS

<small>[ October 01, 2004, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

((((((((GC)))))))))))))

Will send up a flare prayer that you have a splendid weekend!

- Kimmy

GC - Here's to a good weekend for everyone here who is suffering. No matter what happens or doesn't happen with Sparrow this weekend I hope you are able to enjoy yourself.

Thanks, everyone. I'm ready for anything.

If she calls I'm going to let her come over, but I won't go out of my way to be here.

SIL never called me back as promised when I asked to get together with her. Then she was here with sparrow two weeks ago, and barely looked at me. I sent her a birthday card today.

Sparrow has been absolutely silent for the last two weeks, and has done no legal actions. And so I wait. I can handle seeing her. Plan A for now.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It shows I'm not just sitting there waiting for her to show up... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gray, I've been following your thread ... don't know if this is true, but it does sound like you spend a lot of time strategizing, thinking about her, wondering what she's thinking, etc., etc. That is, you DO sit there waiting for her to show up.

I got accused of this on my thread sometimes, and it wasn't entirely just. When I'm on the MB board, I AM thinking about it -- but then I went off and did other things. I hope you are, too -- making new friends, taking up new hobbies that you didn't have time for before, learning a new language, taking up biking, walking the puppy, whatever. Don't put your life on hold.

It's more than making sure she doesn't sense your desperation. It's survival.

A.M., I do think about it, but I'm not preoccupied. It's like you say, if it seems that way it's because I don't post much about the other parts.

Today I'm cleaning the house, washing windows, getting the place ready for winter. I'm listening to great music, and tonight I'm going out to a rock show. I'm honestly feeling good and living well.

Thanks for the reminder though.

GC

Haven't talked to you for awhile! Hope you have a great night out tonight!

I think I'm addicted to MB Gray - I'm out of town at a friends house this weekend and I can't stay off her computer. I think they think I'm nuts!


Weaver

Weaver, I'm a little addicted to it too.

As long as I can keep my focus at work and not peek over too much it's a harmless addiction though.

Whoof. Just bundled up a TON of brush for the city to take away, executed a few unwanted shrubs, and swept my sidewalk (I live on a corner so it's a big one).

Nothing from the sparrow today. All's quiet on the Northern Front.

Time to wash my porch windows. A huge job! The old man that lived here put two sets of el cheapo aluminum storm windows out here, and they're way dirty.

It's hard work tryin' to love her as best I can (W quote), but my house is my sanctuary. Back to it.

GC

I often want to say things like "you'll live." Stuff like my dad used to say when I complained of a ache, or pain here or there. I don't because you hurt, and it doesn't convey the desire we have for you to be pain free.

However, on a more basic, realistic level, it is true, you will live. I also believe you will thrive, and prosper emotionally, that one day you will look on this as a growing experiance that was good for you. Not that I think it should have happened, but we can make bad turn out for good if we have the right attitude, and if we do the work on ourselves.

You have other personal struggles, and goals.
Are you making progress there?

SS

I am making progress on the other.

It is very slow.

I've always been moral and scrupulous. And I was always outgoing and friendly. Most people found me likable. But at times my mouth would go off and I could, accidentally, be insensitive and sarcastic, judgemental, or condescending.

And in some situations I was actually quite shy. This was brought on by fear that I would say the wrong thing, be ignored, be rejected socially.

I'm trying to look at each new person I meet, regardless of their attitude or the circumstances, and treat them as my brothers and sisters, my teachers, and my equals. To love everyone, to put everyone else before myself.

For now, that's my focus.

Car4love called me very upset a while ago. OM introduced his daughter to the sparrow this morning. He had promised he wouldn't. He only admitted it when car4love's DD talked about her "new friend".

This one's tough to swallow. I'm so vulnerable still. But I'll be okay. The pain is temporary.

GC

when i read one of your posts on this thread i can't help but say "sanctuary, sanctuary, sanctuary...." as you swing on the porch swing like quazimodo in the hunchback of notre dame. of course, you look nothing like quazimodo and your house isn't notre dame. but like i said i could resist when you used the word sanctuary. but this could be a good time to ask if you are going to church? how's that avenue going?

continued prayers to you, RR