Why do I think this marriage can be saved. I must be the biggest fool in the world. I was home today at 9:30 this morning when the FEDEX man delivered an overnight enveloped to my wife. It was from the OM. He had sent her an envelope full of money. I asked how much did he send and she wouldn't tell me. She said I have to be with OM. I just have to. So I am going to ask her move out on Sunday. We are visiting my youngest son who is in college on Saturday. I suspect she will not tell me when she is leaving. I will just go home one day and she will be gone. I can't stand this anymore. I was calm and cool but it was like a punch in the stomach. This marriage cannot be saved by me alone.

Do I now call OM's wife and tell her he sent my wife cold hard cash that came out of their account? I feel like I must. Any suggestions?

He had sent her an envelope full of money.

I agree, this is also OM's wife's money!

So I am going to ask her move out on Sunday.

Yes, she has crossed over into the VERY dark side of allowing OM to rob his wife's financial security in order to have your wife come be with him... very dark-twisted moment for the both of them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />


Do I now call OM's wife and tell her he sent my wife cold hard cash that came out of their account? I feel like I must. Any suggestions?

I agree. She needs a warning so she can stop any more raids on her joint money.

Pep

Thanks for the reply Pep. It is nice to know another rational person agrees with me. I will call OM's wife this afternoon after she gets off work. No use in ruining her day at work.

Hi Hopeful,

I am sorry your WW is still on her selfish path but I second the notion of telling OMW about the money.She definitely needs a heads up if she will be adversely affected financially.

UGH.What is wrong with these people!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

JL reads my previous post. How sick is it for OM to send money to my wife and take away from his family. I will not support her in this A but 1 more day then I ask her to leave voluntarily. If not, I will contact my lawyer on Monday. she leaves me no choice.

HINC,

I read this, but frankly it did not bother me at all. Partly because it is not my W. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But, really it did not bother me because it is what I expected. He is a wealthy man you say. Well, that very likely means the ONLY thing he has going for him is money, it sure isn't honesty or fidelity. So would it surprise you that he uses his money this way?? Nah!

Calm down, I know it is further sand in your face, but you are NOT the one that is losing here. You are losing what you THOUGHT was your W, but for many years the woman you loved has NOT been the woman you are married to. One of two things will happen to you. She will finally see what she has done and change back into a woman you can love, or she will not. If she does not, there are many other women out there that would make much better W's that the woman you are dealing with NOW.

You don't realize this now, but you will come to realize that this last 4-5 months has been your salvation. It has finally let you out of a lie. It has freed YOU to live a life that is honesty. Whether that will be with your W or someone else, this will happen.

So step back, behave with grace, and state your boundaries. What she does is not under your control, but my guess it is part of the plan. I don't know for who, or why, but I have faith that your life will be made whole and better.

Enjoy visiting your son, accept this latest thing as actually very very predictable, and move on as you planned.

God Bless,

JL

I think that whether you stay in the marriage or not, the OMW should be told. Exposure is key. If she wants to play this kind of game, then she should expect that everyone on the planet will know about it eventually.

C

<small>[ October 01, 2004, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: c-dub ]</small>

I second Pepperbands responses. Just be prepared for WW to be very angry. This is one of those necessary LB's.

C.

JL-I will behave with grace and diginity but this sure does piss me off. I want to yell and curse her. Yes she has said he is wealthy but not after his wife gets through with him. I hope she cleans his clock. what he is doing is just not right by any standard.

JL-your right I don't see it now but your probalby right about the last 4-5 months. I don't want to live this lie any longer. My IC told me that the most attractive thing about me was that I was a faithful and loyal husband. She told me that women would find that very attractive. I am not ready for another relationship right now but when the time comes I want a woman who behaves with honesty and integrity. The words honesty and integrity don't apply to my wife at the moment.

I talked to Om's wife and told her about the money he sent my wife. She was very appreciative and supportive. I think she is a very smart woman and I think OM is not gonna have a good weekend.
The **** is gonna hit the fan at my house Sunday.
I had to support OM's wife and tell her the truth.

Good for you. She needs to be able to protect her interests.

If your wife finally goes, I think it will be something of a relief for you. All the drama gets very wearing.

Thanks Beliver-I am very weary of the chaos and drama. I am ready for some relief. I had to support OM's wife. It is just not right what they are doing. OM's wife is a smart lady she will see where the money comes from. I hope she busts his [censored].

I know that it really hurts to go going through all this with your wife. It will be lonely at first if she leaves, but then gets much, much better.

When I went into Plan B, it was such a relief. I got more content immediately. And really there was nothing wonderful going on in my life, but it was so nice just to get off the rollercoaster.

Like JL said, it will go one of two ways. Either you will end up with the wife you married, or you will move on and find a woman who deserves you.

It is scarey at first, but you may start enjoying your life more.

Believer-wanna a date-what a wonderful woman you are. I don't get to Ca much but have been there a couple of times. You are absolutely the most wise woman I have ever had the pleasure of conversing with. Thanks for replying to me. You mean a bunch to me.

Sweetie - You're too young for me. And I promise that you will find lots of ladies in your area if things don't work out with your wife.

I think we all worry if we will ever find someone to love us again. That is why I like to let folks know that there are wonderful days ahead.

However I am quite sure your wife will be back. That is why you need to get her out of your house while she is doing these crazy things. Otherwise you may lose your love for her.

By the way, did she get the letter from your daughter yet?

By the way, have you read Pep's "What Women Need" post yet?

believer-DD's letter came today. I have laid it on the kitchen table as it is addressed to my wife I have not opened it. My wife went to see her sister who was in a town not far from us for a meeting this weekend. I will leave her alone this weekend but will insist that she leave my house on Sunday or I take legal action against her. I am so tireed of hearing that she needs to be with OM that I am sick. So shi* or get oof the pot. Do it . Get me out of the drama and chaos.
Believer- I am not too young for you. In fact I like older women.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey that makes me feel great! I feel so old compared to these young posters.

When Sunday comes, try to be very calm. I would not threaten to have her removed from the house. Just make it very clear that you will not tolerate her behavior in your home.

But Sunday is not here yet, so let's not worry about it. Lots can happen between now and then, especially when OM's wife gets ahold of him.

Well I got to read DD letter to my wife. It won't change anything but DD told her Mom that waht she did was wrong and that she had lost all respect for her. DD doesn't mince her words. It was pretty straight from the heart.
OM has sent my wife a cell phone. She brought it out this weekend. I know I didn't pay for it, in fact I am not paying for her A anymore at all.

Well tomorrow is the big day when I ask her to leave. If she chooses to not leave I will take legal action against her. She cannot conduct her A in my home any longer. Wish me a cool and calm attitude and demenaor.

Hi HINC --

I haven't posted to you before, but I want to tell you how sorry I am that you're in this rotten situation. It sounds like your DD is supportive of you. I hope the rest of your family is as well.

One word of caution: Do not be surprised if your attorney tells you there is nothing you can do to compel your WW to leave if she does not choose to go right now. Two friends were told this by their attorneys in two different states.

I agree you need to lay out your boundarys, just make sure they are ones you can enforce. I hope, for your sake, that you are able to keep your cool when you have your discussion w/WW. I think you did a good thing by letting OM's W know. I would sure would want to know! Take care. You deserve some peace.
Shellybird