I was in the police academy 300 miles from home and wife had been having a PA for previous ten months. Found out from cell records when I returned home. It was coming to an end on its own but i made it known i would not stand for it. confronted the guy first by phone doing detective type work, he had no clue who i was. then wife's turn said they were " friends" well i confronted the guy at 3 am while loading his truck "truck driver".denied everything. long story short I was told the truth by wife and we got into counseling. pretty much made a great recovery, although I have recently went back to the thought of them having sex and all that unhealthy thinking even going as far as finding out where the got together"his house" parked in front of his house and am ashamed but went to the door with a gun, he wasn't home thank god.
she has been the great wife i always thought she was, but I just cant rid these feelings of insecurity, inadequecy. I am sometimes so angry I think murder suicide.Am I going insane? will these feelings of hurt and ager subside. someone please respond..already in counseling.

I know how you feel. But if you and your W have made a great recovery you need to start letting that stuff go. Maybe it's easier said than done. I haven't even come close to reaching the recovery stage yet. My W and I have been seperated for almost 5 months and she is still carrying on her PA. And while I try to hide my feelings from her it has not gotten the least bit easier in these 5 months. The anger and hurt. The feelings of inadequacy. The thoughts of murder, suicide, I can relate. I fight these battles with myself all the time when I am alone without something to distract me from thinking. It's good that you are in counseling, keep working on yourself and your M. From what I've heard in this forum, those negative feelings should subside as you continue to build love and trust with your W.

Hang in there. You are in a better place than most of us.

Hi KEV,

I would say that given some more time the thoughts you have may decrease for you.I am almost a year past DDay but am divorcing,not recovering.I have also had to deal with intense feelings of anger and retribution on the homewrecker that is still involved with my WH.I have wanted to hit my WH a couple times but oddly enough I have always felt the desire to hurt that woman more for many reasons but mostly because she encouraged my WH to leave me despite all the pain it was causing so many in both our families and,I wasn't about to let anyone hurt my daughters like that and get away with it.

It is still something I deal with periodically but not as bad.You are not going insane I think so much as you are just trying to process a HUGE amount of betrayal and hurt.You need to find an outlet for the pain and anger and maybe you haven't quite accomplished that.There are many ways to release your anger but the key is in getting it out the right way.For me,I found it helpful to punch the living daylights out of something like a pillow or yelling out loud(by myself) telling both of them off.

Maybe for you putting up a picture that looks like the OM and target practice on that can help.Or a punching bag or something physical.I think some of us need more than to just talk about our feelings.I for one felt better activiely doing something with my anger.

Also,coming here to vent is always a good option.No one understands what you are going through like we do.

I hope this helped a little.

O