Hello,

I was a BS but it's been over a year since d-day. I have lurked at this board and I post at KEY BRIDGE CENTER as well. I dicided to post here because I feel like i know so much about you all and frankly it's been a slow process for me (opening up). I post as "HOW" at the other board but my original name was "fighter." Confusing? Anyway. I want to tell you all that your sharing has really helped me out. I don't think an A should mean the end of a marriage and I know my H and I are moving in the right direction. My biggest issues at this point are this:

Is he still pretending to love me?
Can I feel optimistic on a consistant basis about our future?
Will I ever be consistant in my emotions again?
Can I just relax and trust him?

When I am rational I say yes to all these questions, when not. OYE!

Hi to all and I look forward to chatting with all.

Hello Fighting,

Glad you are posting here. Am at 2 yrs post last real attempt at contact by fow.
Am with S and we are (mostly driven by him but starting to believe) planning our future with confidence.

As for your questions...which I swear I probably posted here at one year mark (and to be honest the thoughts sometimes cross my mind)..

Is he still pretending to love me?

Well, what do your recent moments tell you? How does he act when no one is watching, when you have no expectations? Actions for me speak louder than words esp now. Wouldn't it be his loss if he was pretending?

Can I feel optimistic on a consistant basis about our future?

For me (and I'm stubborn) this has only really happened in the last 6 months..the consistent part. The triggers do happen less often and when they do I try as hard as I can to remember all the moments we have compiled that are authentic and play those on the 'movie screen'. In a round about way I guess I'm saying that this takes time (yes that cliche again).

Will I ever be consistant in my emotions again?

See above. I do think I have more control of my thoughts now. I didn't a year ago, and I desparately wanted to be...don't force it....don't ignore those feelings, just acknowledge them, welcome them and ride them out...down is always replaced with an up if you are patient; and it does even out over time. I found for me hormones also played a part as well as what else is going on in my life (work, kids)

Can I just relax and trust him?

Depends in part on how you two are rebuilding. Is he accountable? Is he taking ownership?

You don't say whether MC or IC is being explored; found that this was key for fwh.

Blessing Fighting,

AG